#FIRST TIME PROPERLY DRAWING THAT GUY SINCE LAST YEAR WHOOP

[rayofmisfortune]

THEY'RE ABUSING THE BOI AGAIN Somebody please give this poor child a break :') and a hug

SO I MAY HAVE MISREAD THAT SO HORRIBLY UHM-

NOT QUITE A HUG BUT HAVE A BLANKIE HUDDLED RUIN!

[chibishortdeath]

Had to remake this entire post cause I got gunk in my eye and set my phone down for two seconds to clean it and it crashed (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

Anyway, unfortunately slightly less excited/passionate version of this post it is then ughhhhh

Explanations yippie!

I got requested by some friends to draw Simon with short shorts and so I delivered. Really happy with the anatomy on this one :3

Yes this is Fuma slapping his ass and yes it was also a request lol

Simon did not expect that—

But it was a welcome surprise ;3

Simon and Fuma are cuddling in this one! It’s a little hard to make out what’s going on with their arms and legs tho whoops

Just a doodle about the artstyle crisis I had a bit ago with his hair. It didn’t last long and I ended up going right back to drawing it how I usually do anyway, but it was an interesting concept to try. Maybe I’ll try it out again someday cause it looks nice, but ehhhh I just didn’t end up enjoying drawing it very much tbh (TwT ).

To pair with the first image, I drew Simon in his cursed era with short shorts too hehe :3. I also started adding little dark vein patterns to the curse in this doodle :O. I think it’s giving cursed a lot more than just the bloody scratchy patterns I usually draw.

I like to think that maybe if Simon succumbed to the curse he’d end up a vampire. I mean, it’d track with vampire folklore surrounding the vampires’ curse. There’s a lot of stories where the vampire, even when dead or buried, can still long distance drain and inflict someone with illness and the end stage of it is death and coming back as a vampire or other spirit/ghoul. Aughhhh I had a much better rant about this written before the crash but I just can’t replicate it properly aaaaaaa curse you memory problems (;_; ). I’ll have to rant about vampire folklore in a separate dedicated post eventually, it’s fun :)

Yay, pose practice :3! Also this one is never getting finished, the anatomy was too fun to cover with big clunky armor 😔😔😔

This one I am also so proud of X]. I think this is my best depiction of the effects of the curse yet tbh. I had an explanation of the traits I usually depict it having before the crash, so I’ll try to make another one. First things first, it drastically affects the healing process. Things just don’t close up properly or at all in most cases. Old scars tend to open back up a lot easier and this is in part because of the second major effect: rotting. Rotting is a very explanatory word when it comes to physical ailments, implying decay or necrosis! It usually starts at the extremities or around the edges of wounds with skin darkening, bleeding, and either a dryness or wetness, then spreads inwards and downwards or through the blood to other areas. Especially in extreme cases, which I think 6 whole years qualifies for 💀. Simon would probably have very fragile skin in the most affected areas and long story short his hands and feet are probably raw most of the time yikes, ouch, this poor guy :(. I imagine that he probably has some kind of Belmont specific regenerative and resistant ability that’s kept him from dying from it for so long, since they are kinda implied to be a little superhuman in some way. Which is probably a blessing and a curse in itself because on one hand it did allow him to live long enough to fix the problem, but on the other hand that had to absolutely suck (haha, Drac haha). I’ve explained other elements of it in another older post now that I think of it, so I might have to gather all this stuff together and make a more in depth post about it cause it’s really neat to talk about :3! I had like a huge special interest as a kid for injury and disease cause I started making ocs and ran into a bunch of “how to write realistic injury” posts and I’m glad for it cause it comes back any time I’m writing or drawing something that requires that knowledge. :)

[letterstotheflre]

that’s the thing about illicit affairs

summary: james was never hers to lose.

warnings: CHEATING, age gap (not specified but reader is in her 20s), tiiiny angst?? i don’t think it’s sad lmao, allusions to sex and one miniature sex scene, some food mentions, and a very badly written argument.

word count: 3k (why are they always so long ffs)

a/n: my first james potter fic <3 i love this man so much, sorry for making you the bad guy here. this one’s been sitting in my drafts for a few weeks, and since i’ve been feeling kinda sad i finally got around to edit it. also hedric rights!!

They always meet like this.

The room is dark except for a small sea salt lamp she bought on sale from Target. Her clothes are piling up on the floor, discarded carelessly by her lover, and his are not too far from meeting the same fate.

He is kissing her hungrily as he could never get enough of her. His hands travel all over her back while she unbuttons his shirt, their lips never parting. He moves her to her bed, the sheets a pale green that reminds him of—

No. He closes his eyes tightly, pretends the green is actually blue like the lacy bralette that covers her breasts and moves his lips down to her jaw. He sucks and nips and bites, letting her moans echo freely between the four walls that make their little sanctuary.

Her hands quickly undo his belt and stroke him lightly through the fabric of his boxers. He groans against the junction of her neck, the skin softer than anything he’s touched in years.

He pushes her down on the bed, cupping her face while he looks at her properly, noting the tangled hair caused by his fingers. Her lips are puffy and shiny, his kisses being the perpetrator of their current state. He waits for her to say something, to give him a sign that this is okay.

(It’s not okay, and they both know it. It’ll never be okay.)

She nods her head, and he kneels in front of her, pushing her legs wide open before he dives in.

—

She is laying on her bed, the sheets covering her body as she watches him try to fix up his hair in front of the mirror on her makeshift vanity.

“Make sure no one sees you leave,” she says, “and put—”

“Put my hood up, I know,” he finishes the sentence for her. It’s not the first time they do this dance.

“Sirius and Remus are with Harry at home. I told them I was going for a run, so they won’t say anything if I show up all sweaty,” he adds, trying to fill the awkward silence.

She just nods her head, fingers playing with a loose thread on the edge of the sheet, pulling it a bit more every time she twists her index finger. He steps forward, then sits on her bed and traces her cheekbone with his knuckles. “You know I care about you, right?” he asks.

Her heart clenches, a heavy weight pressing down on her chest that makes it hard to breathe for a second. She lowers her eyes, refusing to stare at those hazel irises that started everything. “I know, James,” she assures quietly, looking at a picture of her and Harry that’s stuck to the wall just behind him.

James brushes back some stray hairs that are still stuck to her forehead, then presses a small kiss on the slightly sweaty skin. He gives her a tentative smile before heading to the door, and she only looks in his direction when she hears the click of the door.

(He might care, but not enough.)

—

Sundays are always a slightly awkward affair at first.

Both of their families have been friends for years, getting together every Sunday for lunch at the Potter’s. James and Sirius always man the grill with her dad, all of them wearing those corny ‘kiss the chef!’ aprons. Her mother helps Lily make the salads in the kitchen while they gossip with Remus, who steals a few tomatoes when they aren’t looking. Now that it’s summer, she and Harry splash each other in the pool instead of catching up in his room.

It’s always strange seeing James in the light of day, pretending that this is the only version of him she knows: the version of him that is a friend, a father, a husband.

But she knows the other version of him: the one that has her on her knees begging for a taste of him, the one that grips her hair while he pounds into her from behind, the one that lets his tongue explore places of her no one else has. The version of him that kisses her forehead and plays with her fingers while their bodies are tangled together under the sheets. The version of him that kisses her as if she were the only one made for him.

(She isn’t.)

They are sitting around the table eating. Sirius is laughing about something with his arm around Remus’s shoulders, his bark of laughter echoing across the garden. Her mother’s shoulders shake as Lily rolls her eyes in amusement. James and her father have gone back to the grill to bring everyone their second round of burgers, and she can hear her father complaining about something from work.

“Here y’go, kid,” says James as he places the plate in front of her before ruffling her hair. She tenses up for a second before relaxing, muttering a small “thank you” before reaching for the ketchup.

She hates that nickname. It’s so impersonal, keeps a distance between them that truly doesn’t exist. As if he isn’t the only person that can make her vision whiten and the colours of her room hazy while she clutches his shoulders. As if he isn’t the only person who can pull so many different sounds from her vocal cords, sounds he knows no one else has ever heard before because he is the only one who can create them.

She can feel Sirius’s eyes on her as she stretches one arm, so she hesitantly glances at him. He raises an eyebrow, eyes switching back and forth between James and her, and she can see the cogs turning in his mind.

She gulps anxiously, dismissing him with a wave of her hand and goes back to eating.

—

James’s moans are loud as he gathers her hair in a makeshift ponytail. His cock is buried in her throat, and he watches as she gags for a second before relaxing her throat.

She’s taking him so deep that her nose nuzzles his pubic hair, the musky scent of James filling her nose as she breathes deeply through it. She starts moving her head up and down, swirling her tongue around the tip every time she rises.

He is a mess above her, needy whines and wanton moans leaving his mouth. His hips thrust up softly, slowly fucking her mouth, and he relishes in the small choking sounds she makes. His head rolls back as he groans, “That’s it, baby, so good to me.”

She winces at the name and pulls away from him. “Don’t call me that,” she mutters, but her hands never stop stroking him. She takes him back into her mouth and starts sucking with a newfound fervour, his voice echoing inside her head as she tries to make him forget about her.

(She tries to forget too.)

—

Honey rays filter through her window.

They are both laying on her bed, James on his stomach while she refills the glasses with some cheap wine she got from the store. He looks at the tiny purple splotches on her neck and the red fingerprints on her hips, then smirks proudly. When she turns, she smiles at him softly.

There’s a summer breeze that ruffles her curtains, and he can hear some teenagers laughing as they walk down the street over the music that plays from her speaker.

She places her glass on her nightstand, her nipples brushing his naked back as she leans over him. She lays down on her side, her fingertips softly drawing shapes on his skin. It takes him a moment to realize they are not random shapes but letters.

Her name, written over his scattered freckles and connecting his moles with cursive loops.

He takes her hand and kisses it, slightly chapped lips pressing against her open palm. Then he kisses her lips, still bitterly sweet with grapes, as his tongue moves languidly against hers while he pulls her by the hand on top of him.

It feels like a distant memory. It feels like a dream.

—

The cacophony of different voices singing “Happy Birthday” rings in her ears.

Harry is at the front of the table, an adorable blush dusting his cheeks at the attention. On either side of him are James and Lily, smiles wide as they watch their son blow the candles. Cedric is behind him, hands on his shoulders, and he leans forward to give him a quick peck on the cheek.

She sings and claps, whooping with Sirius when Harry blows the last candle. She eats cake and drinks the pretty cocktails Lily ordered. She smiles and laughs, pretends she couldn’t see the way the candles made the golden band on James’s ring finger beam like the sun.

She pretends she doesn’t see the way James holds Lily’s waist before kissing her. She pretends she can’t see them dancing slowly to a song Remus put on the Spotify playlist as a joke.

She pretends she can’t hear his footsteps following her when she goes to the bathroom. She feigns disinterest when he grabs her wrist and pulls her towards a deserted corridor.

But she can’t ignore the butterflies in her stomach when he kisses her, the thrumming in her veins when he pushes one leg between her thighs, nor the pleasure-filled gasps and moans that leave her mouth when he helps her roll her hips along his covered thigh.

It’s thrilling; they’ve never done something like this in public, much less in such proximity to friends and family.

(In such proximity to her.)

Even though she knows it shouldn’t, it gives her a sense of victory. Because he is here with her now: he is kissing her, making her moan, and whispering dirty things in her ear.

A faraway call of his name breaks the spell they’re under. They pull away hastily; she fixes her dress while James makes sure there are no lipstick stains on his face. The footsteps are getting closer, heels hitting the floorboards at the same rhythm as their rapid beating hearts.

It’s Sirius.

James almost breathes a sigh of relief, but she remains tensed up. Sirius looks between them, the same look he had that Sunday all those weeks ago on his face, and she feels bile rising in her throat.

“Lily’s looking for you,” he says, his thumb pointing back over his shoulder towards the reception where everyone’s gathered.

“Right,” says James. “Better go see what she needs. You do not want to see an angry drunk Lily.” He laughs, almost oblivious to the awkward tension between his two friends. He goes back to Lily, leaving her leaning against the wall and Sirius standing in the middle of the hallway.

Sirius looks at her, and even though his mind already knows, he refuses to believe it. “I didn’t know where the bathroom was,” she offers as an explanation. It’s a flimsy excuse, she knows that, but it’s the best she can do under this kind of pressure.

“Right,” he whispers with a short nod, then follows James.

She stays rooted to her spot, lips tingling with the ghost of James touch and a guilty mind.

—

Hours later, she clings to a pillow as she lays on her bed alone. The same pillow James was resting on less than twelve hours ago.

She breathes in deeply, trying to catch any scent of him she can, but there’s only the scent of her fabric softener.

There’s no James. No citrus shampoo or woodsy cologne nor salty air from the beach near his house. Because he never wears any cologne when he comes to her, ensuring that there’s no trace of him once he leaves.

Like he doesn’t even exist.

—

It ends in a parking lot a month later.

She was waiting for Luna to arrive at the mall but ended up asking for a rain check when James texted her, saying they needed to talk.

‘Meet me behind the mall’, she texts him.

She walks to the back of the building and waits for his red car to show up. She already knows where this conversation is going to go, and her heart shatters at the thought of saying goodbye to him.

She raises her head when she hears a honk in front of her, and she gets in while whispering a small “hey”. He doesn’t start the car again, just settles for turning the ignition key off. She looks at the families leaving the mall through the tinted window, refusing to look at him, as her knee bounces up and down anxiously.

The silence is heavy, and she suddenly feels cold in the August heat.

James takes a deep breath, “We can’t keep doing this.”

She can’t help the snarky comment. “That’s not what you were saying yesterday while you had your fingers buried inside me.” He looks at her unimpressed, and she rolls her eyes.

“It’s wrong,” he says— as if she doesn’t already know that. “C’mon, baby, don’t make this harder than it has to—”

“I told you not to call me that!” she raises her voice, and the car gets silent again. She hates the tears that gather in her eyes, hates that she cares so much about him and their stupid game, but she couldn’t help it. Not when he whispered so many sweet nothings in her ears and caressed her skin so softly, almost afraid to break him if he was too rough.

(Not that he cared about that when he stretched her wide open and thrust so hard into her that the bed frame banged against the wall.)

“You can’t just show up here and tell me it’s over like you weren’t the one that came to me first,” she jeers, and she can see the tick of his jaw as he clenches it. Good, she thinks, make him angry.

“Don’t just blame me. You didn’t say ‘no’ once.” He grounds out, “In fact, I can recall you were begging me to fuck you against the wall.”

Her cheeks turn into a small fire, a slight feeling of shame overcoming her. “Oh, like you were any better!” she exclaims. “‘Been thinking about you for months.’ ‘You have no idea the things you do to me.’ ‘No one can suck my cock like you.’ ‘I care about you!’” She deepens her voice to mock him.

James opens his mouth to keep the ball rolling, and she wants him to do it because it meant that the fight was still on, that they wouldn’t have to end this. Instead, he takes a deep breath to calm himself. “I’m telling you now it’s over. Stop acting like a kid who didn’t get her Christmas present,” he says, knowing exactly what he is doing with those words.

“I’m not a kid,” she snaps, her eyes fighting back angry teats at his dismissal. “Then stop acting like one,” he shrugs.

Her hands turn into fists, nails digging themselves into her palms as she tries to keep her anger at bay. “Do you know how much of myself I gave to you? How many plans with my friends have I cancelled in case you called? How many guys I stopped seeing because they weren’t you?” she rants, her voice increasing in volume as she lets her frustration take over. Then, she pauses. “You’ve ruined me, James.”

Her voice is so pained that it makes his heart clench, and he lowers his head, refusing to look at her. He knows, God, he knows what he’s done, but he couldn’t help it. He had been so lonely with Lily spending so much time at the hospital, and then there she was with her caring and understanding nature. With her adorable laughs and those touches that were so addictive, a mercurial high that gave him the lowest lows whenever he tried to stop.

He keeps his mouth shut; there’s nothing left to say anyway, and it’s better for her to hate him rather than anything else. “You are not going to say anything?” It’s meek, vulnerable, and she wants to slap herself for acting this way. She knew it would never last, that he would always choose her.

He was never hers to lose, so why is she still fighting?

She nods her head in surrender, biting her lip to stop herself from sobbing. The anger now gave way to sadness, “I can’t believe I let you make a fool of me.” Her voice is hoarse, a result of the lump in her throat that prevents her from swallowing comfortably.

She gets out of the car and slams the door shut, then leaves the parking lot, leaving him behind. She keeps walking, fingers gripping the straps of her bag until she reaches an empty street.

The golden sun is ready to dip on the horizon, and she can hear James’s car speeding behind her.

—

She doesn’t let the tears fall until she’s inside her apartment.

The moment she closed the door, she crumbled to her knees, loud sobs falling from her mouth and fat tears rolling down her cheeks. It takes her a moment to gather enough strength to walk to her room.

She cries and cries, buries her face in her pillows and starts sobbing even harder because she can smell him. The salty scent and citrus shampoo finally embedded themselves in the fabric, and she can’t believe that after all those days she craved to feel him close to her, he chooses now to leave a trace behind.

She cries for hours until her eyes are puffy and red, and snot comes out of her nose. Her chest heaves with short breaths that don’t really fill her lungs as she clings to that damn pillow before throwing it across the room. She can’t believe it ended like this: with her completely broken for anyone else while James gets to go back to his life and act like nothing ever happened.

Yet she knows that if she had to choose, she would do it all over again because if she had to choose someone to be her ruination, she would choose James Potter a million times.

TAGLIST: @emmaev @gxtitobxby @ildm4ev @capsmischief @arisblackhole @dracosafety @dracoxgeorge @tonystarksmutgarden @blowing-mikey @roonilwazlibswhore @lovelylupinx @sarcasmismyon1ydefence @marxy-06 @glossiable @remusjlupinisdead @amixedwitch @mattefic @artisancowbells @zzzfour — if you want to be added tap here

[alpacaparkaseok]

7 Secrets Drabbles

The one where the boys watch the girls freak out

(requested by anon)

Genre: Soulmate au

Warnings: none, just pure fluff

Word Count: 3.7k

This is a drabble based off of my main series “7 Secrets”. If you would like to read the whole story (which I think you should but I’m kinda biased) then check out my m.list. It’s now completed!

Premise: This takes place in chapters 4 and 5 in the main series, it’s when the girls get the warning call that they’re going to meet the boys. The boys were sitting in on the call the entire time, unbeknownst to the girls. :)

Bang Si Hyuk was planning on having a private phone call with Kyung-soon, Seohyun, Himari, Beth, Aera, Ichika, and Minsuh. He was about to deliver some very big news, and he didn’t want a single thing to go wrong.

So you can imagine his surprise when he entered his office only to find Jin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Namjoon, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook looking up at him expectantly.

“...may I help you with something?”

It was Jimin who spoke first, and it was obvious why. Mr. Bang had always struggled saying no to Park Jimin. He held a soft spot for the boy.

“We’re here for the phone call. You’re doing that tonight, aren’t you?” Jimin looked at him with the biggest puppy eyes he could manage which left Bang Si Hyuk sighing and nodding as he plopped into his chair.

Jungkook and Jin let out a whoop of excitement, but Mr. Bang shot them a glare strong enough to quiet them.

“You can stay under one condition.” Each boy looked at him like innocent little angels, but he reminded himself to not buy into it for one single second. “You have to remain quiet. You stay out of frame-”

“It’s a video call?” Yoongi pipes up, mouth falling open ever so slightly in the way it always does.

Mr. Bang furrows his brows. “Yes...what did you think was going to happen?” The looks on their faces were priceless, and for a second he almost wished he could take a photo of the moment.

Taehyung shrugs his shoulders, the near permanent smile that’s been on his face the past few weeks reappearing as he thinks about his soulmate.

“I just wanted to make sure you made the call, I guess.”

Mr. Bang chuckles, shaking his head. “You’re smitten and you haven’t even met her yet.” Taehyung turns an impressive shade of pink, but it does nothing to his smile.

A flurry of movement and instructions, and the portable television from three levels down is wheeled into Mr. Bang’s office. After some quick set up and Jungkook chatting with Ji-hoon who looks like all of this is his own fault, Mr. Bang shushes everyone again.

Perhaps he should have told the boys about their soulmates years ago, because with one little word the entire room falls silent. He should have known that soulmates would serve as a good incentive.

“Alright, as I was saying before. Please remain completely silent throughout the call. This is a lot for the girls to take in; I haven’t had the time to ease them into the news like I wish I did. I think it would be too much for them if they realized that their soulmates were eavesdropping on a private conversation, don’t you agree?”

Everyone nods, but Jin himself is grinning while looking down at his shoes. At the mention of him being someone’s soulmate he can hardly contain himself. He stands behind the couch beside Jungkook, while Hoseok is sitting on the arm of the couch and the other four boys are crammed onto the cushions.

“Right, so we have to be quiet.” Jungkook repeats back, clearly ready for the call to be made already. “Anything else?”

Mr. Bang laughs quietly, fiddling with his computer as he brings up the girls’ contact information. He hovers over Beth’s name, since she’s usually the one he calls. The boys hold their breath, watching the tv screen where Mr. Bang’s screen is mirrored.

“Do not for any reason come into the frame...and I guess try not to take any of the girls’ reactions too seriously. They might be a bit…”

“Freaked out?” Hobi supplies. Mr. Bang nods.

“Sure, freaked out. Ready? Get your wiggles out now before I call them. And remember-”

“Yeah yeah, no speaking,” Taehyung murmurs, standing up and running in place before settling back down on the couch squished between Jimin and Yoongi.

“Are you calling Beth?” Namjoon asks, the emotion clear in his voice. It sounds like he’s stopped breathing as Mr. Bang continues to hover over her contact information.

Mr. Bang thinks about it before shaking his head, and Namjoon’s shoulders visibly drop. “She just went into work today for the first time since landing, chances are she’s probably still there. I’m trying to think who is most likely home at this point...should we try Seohyun?”

Yoongi’s head shoots up. “Yes. We should.” Everyone chuckles knowingly at his attitude.

“Alright...calling Seohyun in 3...2…”

The tell-tale sound of the facetime ringing echoes throughout the room, and Yoongi can’t help but reach out to grab Taehyung with as much strength as he can muster in the moment. Which, if you asked Taehyung, is a considerable amount.

There’s a pause in which everyone holds their breath before someone answers the phone.

“Seohyunie, where are you? You’ve been fired or something!” A voice cuts through the room like a searing hot brand, but nobody appears before the camera.

“...hello?” Mr. Bang chuckles. He’s apparently used to this. The boys, on the other hand, look like they may pass out at any moment.

Only Jungkook is able to breathe, and when he does he just breathes out a name. “Minush…”

Suddenly Minsuh’s face cuts across the screen, a bright smile overtaking her features.

“Hello Mr. Bang! Seohyun left her phone down here, she’ll be down in a second.”

“That’s alright, would you mind actually gathering up everybody? I know that this is a bit unexpected, but I was hoping to speak with all of you.”

There’s a flash of concern on Minsuh’s face, but she doesn’t get an opportunity to ask what Mr. Bang means when another voice draws her attention.

“What do you mean I’m fired?” Minsuh passes the phone to her, and Seohyun comes into frame.

Yoongi sighs, leaning forward on his seat until he’s nearly slipping off of the couch. He’s still clinging to Taehyung, which is probably the only reason he doesn’t fall off the couch at that moment.

Seohyun gives Mr. Bang a smile before turning to listen to what Minsuh is telling her. Minsuh pops her head back in for a moment.

“I’ll go grab everyone, they should be here. But, are Beth or Soon-ah back yet?” Seohyun shrugs in response, moving away from where Minsuh answered her phone in the kitchen.

The boys grin down at Yoongi who is caught between gasping for air and not breathing at all. Seohyun is preoccupied with something, but she remains in the frame as she sets her phone down on the coffee table. She’s wearing a graphic tee with the words “AGUST D” printed across it, her hair pulled up into a ponytail so it wouldn’t fall into her face while she was studying.

“Should I sync you up to the TV? That’ll be easier for everyone to see.”

Mr. Bang nods. “That’d be great, thank you.”

Seohyun hums a tune while she gets to work, pausing for a moment as she looks back at the screen.

“Mr. Bang…”

“Yes?”

“Is everything alright with the boys?”

If Yoongi wasn’t smitten already, the sweet look in Seohyun’s eyes as she inquired after him and his brothers was enough to send him careening over the edge. Mr. Bang gave her a soft smile.

“Yes, the boys are just fine. Yoongi is fine,” he adds, giving Yoongi a glance. That statement could be left up to interpretation, seeing as the boy in question wasn’t sure if his heart was still functioning properly.

Seohyun chuckles on the other side of the phone before giving out a shout of triumph as the camera angle suddenly changes.

No longer are the boys viewing through Seohyun’s phone, but through the camera on the TV. They can see the entire living room as well as the end part of the kitchen. Seohyun is kneeling beside the coffee table, setting her phone down.

“Better?”

“Better.” Yoongi and Mr. Bang respond at the same time. Seohyun doesn’t notice, instead rushing off to find the others.

“Be right back!”

Soon the room is empty, and all seven boys let out a collective sigh.

“This is harder than I thought,” Jungkook whispers to Jin. He ignores the glare he receives from Mr. Bang. Jin nods emphatically, squeezing the back of the couch hard enough that he leaves imprints on the fabric.

The front door opens and Kyung-soon enters. She jumps when she finds herself face to face with Mr. Bang.

“Hello Kyung-soon,” Mr. Bang gives her a sympathetic smile. Kyung-soon takes off her jacket, edging closer to the couch in the front room. “How are you today?”

“I’m doing fine. May I ask why you’re on the TV?”

Jin breathes out a string of prayers as Kyung-soon tilts her head in a quizzical manner.

“Oh, well I needed to call everyone and-”

“Bang PD!” Ichika chirps upon entering the room, Himari trailing behind her.

“Wow, you look good on TV,” Himari smirks, causing Hoseok to nearly lose his balance on the arm of the sofa.

Taehyung’s smile has somehow managed to triple in size as he gets to watch his soulmate in real time.

“Do you guys know what’s going on?” Kyung-soon asks, settling down on the chair beside the couch. Himari sits down on the couch, Ichika sitting in front of her and resting her back against her knees.

It’s almost as if they’ve had plenty of these kinds of calls and already know their designated spots.

Himari shakes her head. “No. Do you know when Beth is coming home? Did you just get here?”

“Yeah, I just closed a deal!” Kyung-soon grins while the other two girls congratulate her. “I texted her a while ago, she didn’t respond.”

“It’s because she’s a workaholic,” Aera enters the room followed by Minsuh and Seohyun. “She probably won’t be home for a while. I texted her too.”

From the way Namjoon is wringing his hands together, Jimin thinks that he may break something. He must be really nervous if he’s pulling Jimin’s attention away from his soulmate appearing. But it doesn’t last for long, soon enough he’s just as engrossed as the rest of his brothers.

Minsuh plops down beside Himari while Seohyun and Aera take up the space on another small couch.

There’s a clear spot between Himari and Minsuh, which Namjoon can only guess is typically reserved for his soulmate. The face that the spot is currently empty hurts him more than he’d like to admit.

Mr. Bang attempts to start again, not doing a very good job at making it look like he’s not about to drop some life-changing information on them.

“I’ll call Beth in a second...I’d like for her to be here for this.”

Himari’s brows furrow. “What’s going on? Is everything ok?”

“Yes, everything is fine,” Mr. Bang reassures. “In fact, I have some great news for all of you. I was just hoping that everyone could be present when I told you this.”

The girls are silent on the other side of the room, and the silence drags on long enough for Mr. Bang to pull his phone out and hold it up to his ear.

“Let me call Beth. If she doesn’t answer, would one of you be willing to go and get her?”

Everyone nods, exchanging glances. Kyung-soon has gone pale as she sits straight up in her seat, silently communicating something with Aera across the room.

Namjoon’s eyes don’t leave Mr. Bang’s face as he calls Beth. When she doesn’t answer, Namjoon sighs and leans back against the couch. Possible scenarios are racing around his mind, and Jimin gives him a reassuring pat.

“Mr. Bang…” Aera starts, looking entirely unsure of herself. “Please tell us what this is all about. You’re scaring me.”

If Jimin could teleport, he would right now.

“No, it’s nothing, it’s just...well, the boys know.”

Just like that, all six girls drop their jaws. About two seconds of silence reign before a flurry of questions and demands are thrown at Mr. Bang.

Kyung-soon and Aera are both standing, either one laughing at the other.

“Oh, I told you so! I won!” Kyung-soon shouts, making Jin want to shout with her.

“Did you, though? I feel like I can still win this,” Aera defends. Seohyun looks past her to Mr. Bang, all her flair gone.

“Wait, what do you mean they know? Oh no. They know. That’s not good.” Seohyun looks at Minsuh, who simply stares into space.

Ichika still sits on the floor, a look of determination on her face. “If they know, we’re going to meet them, right?” It takes every last bit of Taehyung’s willpower to not leap up and tell her yes.

Himari whips her phone out, texting as fast as she can. As soon as she’s sent her texts, she sinks down low into the couch, head in her hands. Hoseok’s heart stumbles until Himari raises her head again and she doesn’t look disappointed. Just shocked.

“Minsuh,” Himari mumbles out in a daze. Everyone quiets down upon hearing the usually bold Himari turned to a small figure on the edge of the couch. Her face is pale now, but she looks at the younger girl pleadingly.

“Hm?” Minsuh asks, still staring off into space.

“Could you go pick up Beth from work? She took the bus today. Even if she leaves now, she won’t be here for a while.” Himari’s voice is quiet and controlled, but Hoseok can tell that she’s barely keeping herself together.

Minsuh comes out of her daze, finally focusing on Himari. “Me? Oh...sure. Yeah, that’s fine.”

Without another word Minsuh gets up and leaves, leaving Mr. Bang staring out and observing the expressions of the soulmates on the other side of Seoul and the soulmates sitting here in his office.

Jungkook has tears glistening in his eyes since Minsuh had to leave, but he looks oddly proud of her.

Yoongi is still clinging to Taehyung, but now Taehyung is also clinging to Yoongi. Both are at risk of swallowing a fly as their mouths hang open.

Jin has backed away from the couch and now is leaning his back against the wall. He doesn’t blink as he stares at the screen in front of him, almost as though he’s scared that if he does his soulmate will disappear.

Jimin rests his elbows on his knees, bouncing one leg as he looks at Aera with an indescribable look that almost has Mr. Bang offering him some alone time.

Namjoon is staring burning holes into the carpet.

Hoseok is alternating between staring out the window for two seconds and back at his soulmate for three. Mr. Bang knows this because he counts. Twice.

They pass the next twenty minutes in a similar fashion, Mr. Bang making futile small talk with the girls while the boys aren’t quite sure what to do with themselves.

“So…” Kyung-soon starts up. “Are the boys ok with this? How are they?”

Seohyun nods on the other side of the room, suddenly very fidgety with her tee shirt.

Mr. Bang looks around the room with a small laugh. “Oh, they’re great. I’d say they’re pretty excited with the whole thing, actually.”

“Don’t lie to make us feel better,” Himari quips.

“I’m not. Trust me. Have I ever given you a reason not to?”

“Yes,” all the girls say in unison. Mr. Bang looks offended, but he’s unable to defend himself as Beth chooses that exact moment to enter the apartment.

“Ah, Bethany,” Mr. Bang smiles, and Namjoon’s head pops up with impressive speed at the mention of his soulmate’s name. “How kind of you to stop by.”

Beth kicks of her shoes while shooting Mr. Bang a smirk that has Namjoon wondering what he’s gotten himself into.

Whatever it is, he knows for certain that he doesn’t want to ever get out of it.

“I saw you called me. Sorry I missed it, some of us have work to do.” Beth says when she sits down at her designated spot, the action making Namjoon more at ease now that everything is complete.

“So what’s going on? You don’t tend to call without scheduling it first.”

Everyone steels themselves for the big reveal yet again, and Jungkook is surprised that Minsuh didn’t tell her on the ride over. Perhaps it was the right thing to do, though. Something tells him that Beth finding out while in the confines of a vehicle might not be a smart move.

“Well, remember that conversation we had a little while back, when you requested that I give you a 48 hour notice before meeting your soulmate so you could have enough time to catch a flight to Antarctica?”

Namjoon can’t help the chuckle that slips out of his mouth, but he’s quick to clamp his mouth shut again. Thankfully, Beth doesn’t seem to hear him, instead opting for a slightly confused look.

“Yeah, I remember. Why do I get the feeling that I’m once again the last person to know about something important?”

Jungkook reaches down to rub the back of Namjoon’s neck in an attempt to loosen up the clearly tense state of the leader. It’s a pity that Namjoon has to go through this part alone, but something tells Jungkook that this may be a trend where him and Beth are concerned.

Beth continues looking at Mr. Bang warily as he begins to speak. “Yeah, sorry about that. You’re just hard to get a hold of sometimes.” There’s a pause in the which Namjoon considers ripping the laptop from Mr. Bang’s hands and explaining himself, but Mr. Bang continues on. “Ok, Bethany. Consider this your 48 hour notice.”

The boys are caught between watching Beth and Namjoon, although the two of them end up having very similar reactions.

Namjoon chews on his cheek while he awaits Beth’s words, and Beth chews on her lip as she comes up with something to say. There is no uproar or shouting this time around, just Himari gently squeezing her friend’s arm in support.

Beth leans up, resting her elbows on her knees. “Alrighty then,” she stands from the couch and Jimin has to tug on Namjoon’s arm to keep him from doing the same thing. “48 hours? I could probably pull some strings, make it to Antarctica in time. You don’t happen to have any pilot friends, do you?”

Mr. Bang smiles, looking over his laptop to Namjoon who has a ghost of a smile on his face.

The boys watch as Beth settles down, leveling Mr. Bang with an intimidating look as she begins to ask him about where and when. Everyone settles back down, both the boys and the girls seeming to come out of their dazes.

Notes are taken, instructions are given, and Taehyung and Yoongi whisper to each other so quietly that Jimin wonders how they can even hear each other.

Hoseok watches on as Himari slowly comes back out of her shell that she thrust herself in. He’s unsure of what to think, but as she mumbles things to Beth and the two of them chuckle, Hobi finds himself able to breathe again.

What began as a contained phone call, with all of the boys sitting quietly and watching on, gradually turns into the boys moving about freely and Taehyung even sprawling out on the floor like his own soulmate. Taehyung watches her as she disappears from the frame, worried that she left without even saying goodbye. He can’t help the giggle that falls from his lips and he sees that she only left to return to her usual spot but with cereal.

Jin and Jungkook grow restless as the call drags on, mirroring each other as they attempt the quietest squats they can manage. Eventually Jimin joins in as well, keep his gaze firmly planted on his soulmates.

Namjoon stretches and makes room for Hobi on the couch. Yoongi falls asleep while watching Seohyun who has her legs tucked in as she rests her chin atop her knees. His quiet snores fill the room, but Mr. Bang doesn’t have the heart to wake him up.

Namjoon and Hobi quietly converse, discussing the dynamic their soulmates have.

“They’re really close,” Hoseok notes. “I mean, they all are.”

“Yeah, but they definitely have a tight bond. We’ll have to make sure we do a lot of things together.”

It’s nearly 11 when the call begins to wrap up. Taehyung gently taps Yoongi, who for once bolts up from his sleep without a single word.

“We’re all excited to see you,” Mr. Bang says, grinning.

Beth laughs, “By we you mean you and the staff, right?”

Namjoon and Hoseok chuckle darkly, their laughter masked by Mr. Bang’s own laugh.

“Obviously. And maybe a few other people as well. See you Thursday?”

“See you Thursday.”

Mr. Bang cuts the call, looking around the room expectantly. “Well done. I don’t think they noticed. See you Thursday?” He asks, clearly worn out.

“Thanks!” Jungkook shouts over his shoulder, heading out along with his brothers. Taehyung and Jimin burst out into a sprint, relieved to finally be out of the confines of Mr. Bang’s office. Jin follows along, clutching his stomach as he groans.

“I’m starving,” he grumbles. “Hobi! Call the takeout place you like!”

Yoongi stumbles along the hall, clearly still half-asleep. “Thursday, you guys.”

Everyone piles into the elevator, each one mumbling something about Thursday. Hobi gets the takeout place on the phone, giving his order.

Namjoon leans his head against the wall of the elevator, smiling to himself.

“You’re soulmate is funny,” Taehyung says. “Do you really think she’ll go to Antarctica?”

Everyone chuckles at the comment, Namjoon included. “Who knows. I hope not, though. It’s too cold there.”

“Are you going to get her?” Jin asks, eyes wide. “There’s polar bears up there!”

Namjoon smiles at his friend, a blush creeping up his neck.

“Oh, you’re smitten Namjoon!” Jungkook cries out. Everyone joins in on the teasing, hardly letting the leader breathe. He glares at them all, rolling his eyes.

“Don’t act like you guys aren’t, either.”

“Yeah,” Jimin pipes up, eyeing his next target who is none the wiser. “Can we talk about Yoongi with his mouth wide open all night?”

It’s safe to say that Jimin had nowhere to run in the small elevator, and Yoongi made him regret his words in record time.

taglist: @mae-musicbitch @heartblackerthancoffee​ @agustneeds​ @eusticenatalie​ @taylorroe3​

[idontknowwhatsarcasmis]

Old Acquaintances Made Anew

A Morriana fanfic

Hellooooo!! And I’m back in the DA fandom! Hope you’re all keeping safe and reading and writing loads in this quarantine! Stay at home guys! ^^

I started writing this story… sooo many years ago I don’t even remember! Anyways, I know this has been written many many times, buut I wanted to present my take on these two lovely ladies meeting in Halamshiral. I do hope you guys like it, cause I am really proud of it and had quite a bit of fun writing it!

Also, I have already started a second chapter, on Morrigan’s POV back in Skyhold after this, but wanted to see if you guys liked the idea first!

So, do let me know yeah?

As aaaaaalways, thank you brother for beta-reading it ^^

Enjoy!

Ao3

Ff.net

Xxxx

“A distraction would help.” Ellana said, biting her lower lip.

“What kind of distraction? There are plenty of them around here.” Cullen said, looking around in displeasure.

Leliana held back a smile at that, and saw both Ellana and Josie doing the same. The Inquisitor shook her head however.

“No, no. It needs to be something bigger. That’d draw most people’s attention.” She paused and looked at her other two advisors to see if they had any ideas.

Leliana started considering what she could let slip to whom that might entice a duel, but didn’t manage to get far before she was interrupted.

“Oh!” Josie suddenly said. “I think I know what can happen.” She seemed excited (and… scared?) as she looked at Leliana.

Leliana narrowed her eyes slightly.

“Yes?”

“Well, it would positively draw everyone’s attention, and might even leave them quite a bit distracted afterwards.” She said, looking away while biting her lip.

“Josie…” Leliana’s voice was a warning.

“I’m listening.” Ellana said.

“Well,” Josie started, slow at first but gaining traction as she spoke. “As we’ve told you, Your Worship, everyone was staring at you and Lady Florienne while the two of you danced. Another high member of the Orlesian society and a high member of the Inquisition dancing once more might do the same.” She completed, almost casually. So casually, that it made Leliana freeze in place.

She couldn’t possibly mean-

“That’s an excellent idea, Josephine!” Ellana exclaimed excitedly, looking around the room, as if trying to find who could be the centre of attention. “Did you have anyone in mind? I think the only people here that know how to dance properly would be Vivienne, Cass and Dorian, aside from the three of you. Vivienne would not be a novelty really. And I was thinking of taking the other two with me… besides, I think either might do more harm than good down there.” She said with a small frown on her face, likely imagining Cassandra or Dorian insulting someone beyond repair while sharing a dance.

Which, Leliana mused, was very probable.

Still, she was quite sure that they were not who Josephine had in mind.

“Actually, Inquisitor. I did have two people in mind.” The ambassador started and paused to bit her lower lip, eyes darting quickly between Leliana and the Inquisitor.

“Oh?” She asked, eyes also finding Leliana. Less subtly.

“Speak your mind, Josie.” Leliana said. She had a good idea of whom Josephine wanted her to dance with. As much as she loathed to admit, the idea actually did have merit. Getting it to work would be another matter entirely, however.

Then again, 10 years was a long time…

“Well, it so happens that we have two veterans of the Fifth Blight here tonight. One of our own, and one of the Orlesian society.

Ellena looked confused as understanding dawned on Cullen’s face, his eyes now also focused on Leliana.

“Two?”

“I’ve told you I’d had dealings with her on the past, Inquisitor.” Leliana said, barely moving her lips.

“Deal with wh-Morrigan?!” She exclaimed a bit too loudly, and flinched at the look Leliana and Josie gave her. “Sorry. Morrigan? You know Morrigan from the Blight?” She asked in a hushed, excited whisper.

“Yes, we were both companions of the Hero of Ferelden. We fought side by side for many months.” Leliana said, her voice as if of its own accord taking a story telling intonation as she scanned the room, looking for red velvet.

As she focused back on Lavellan, however, she couldn’t suppress a small smile. The Inquisitor was always very excited to hear more about her time with Mahariel.. Lavellan probably heard a lot about her before in her clan, but it was different to have a first-hand account. It was not often, Leliana thought, that a Dalish elf was at the centre of history. Well, at the positive centre of history.

“You did?” Ellana looked like she was about to ask more when Josie cleared her throat, looking at her pointedly. “I-I mean, that is wonderful, though! Surely a dance between you two would draw everyone’s attention! I mean, I wish I could see it…” She mumbled the last part, and the three advisors smiled softly at her.

“While a good idea in theory, I am unsure if it’ll work in practice. Morrigan and I haven’t spoken since the Archdemon was slain. Even then, we never talked much. She… was rather reclusive. Mahariel was the only one she would actively speak with.” Leliana said, eyes once again sweeping the room in search for the witch. “Also, as far as I know, she never cared for dancing, either.”

Josephine tsked at that.

“Really Leliana, that was years ago. She’s been at court long enough to have picked up some steps. Celene would not suffer any member of her court to not know the basics, at least!” Josephine said ,and Leliana conceded her point. “Besides, as you said, you haven’t seen each other for a decade! I doubt Morrigan would not want to catch up.”

Leliana raised an eyebrow at that, face blank.

“W-well, she wouldn’t dare reject the Seneschal of the Inquisition in front of all these people? We are honoured guests!” She tried again.

Leliana maintained her expression. The Morrigan she remembered would have no qualms whatsoever about doing exactly that.

Josephine was suddenly looking very uncertain, and was about to say something when Ellana interceded.

“Well, I think she might surprise you, Leliana! When I talked to her before she seemed perfectly polite. Celene will likely be watching you two, so she won’t have to be concerned about any murder attempts during the dance, and I really need this distraction. I might be gone longer than before this time.” she said with a small, hopeful smile, and Leliana felt her icy heart melt a little. Ellana reminded her so much of Mahariel sometimes.

She so missed her dear friend.

Rolling her eyes, Leliana let out a small sigh.

“Well, time is of the essence, no?” She said, glaringat the whoop and smiles she received from her companions. “Wait for her to take my hand, if she does, before vanishing. You two” she said to Josephine and Cullen, “go to different corners of the room and look pointedly at the dancing floor once I, hopefully, get there. We want to attract as many people as possible. Ask one of the servants to spread word.” Leliana instructed as she started to push and pull at her uniform, trying to make it look more proper.

Stupid, ridiculous uniforms. Presenting a united front was one thing. Wearing this? It was an outrage. It’d help her play her part when asking Morrigan for a dance, however, so at least that.

The others nodded in agreemnt, and Cullen and Lavellan moved away to play their parts. Josephine, however, stayed behind. Leliana raised an eyebrow.

“Are you alright?” She asked, barely moving her lips.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Leliana felt her brow furrowing.

“Well, you seem nervous.”

“I…” Sometimes she forgot that Josephine knew her from before she had been the Left Hand. “It’s nothing, Josie, don’t worry. Go, time is of the essence.” She said, with a small smile. With a quick squeeze of her hand, Josephine motioned to the main balcony with her chin, before she made her way across the ballroom to the opposite side.

Slowly, Leliana looked to where Josephine had pointed. Right there, by the Empress’ side.

Leliana closed her hand into a fist. Was she nervous? Why, by Andraste’s name, was she nervous?

Visions of lingering glances flashed before her eyes. Words that were, day by day, week by week, less and less cutting and more and more teasing. Fond.

Taking a fortifying breath, Leliana minutely shook her head to focus, and started walking towards her target. She made sure her steps seemed casual, but wide enough to draw attention at the same time. People needed to be watching her as she approached the other woman.

When she was but a few steps away, Leliana finally was able to actually admire the ensemble Morrigan was wearing. The sight almost made her step falter. Red velvet. Gold details. Low on the front. Another vision entered her mind, one that almost made her skip a step. Maker’s breath. What was Morrigan playing at?

Another step made her come close enough to the Empress and her advisor to call the attention of those nearby. As the two women turned to look at her, something flashed in Morrigan’s eyes.

Time for a trip down memory lane.

“Your Majesty, my Lady.” She said in a clear and (appropriately) loud voice, taking a deep bow.

“Sister Nightingale!” Celene exclaimed, nodding her head and giving her a large and warm smile. Out of the corner of her eyes, Leliana saw Morrigan giving her a small courtesy, and her lips twitched upwards. “What a pleasure to have you at court once more. It has been quite a while.”

Leliana allowed her smile to become  larger.

“Too long, your Majesty. I’m afraid my duties have kept me away for longer than I wished.” She said, making sure her voice sounded just the right amount of sad, as if she were trying to hide it.

“’Tis all for a good cause, I hear. With your Inquisition, now.”

The voice washed over her like the first ray of sunshine on a cold winter’s day. An inexplicable tingling sensation spread from the tip of her fingers to the other.

All of which Leliana promptly ignored.

Morrigan’s voice hadn’t changed much. The same tilt. The same way of saying ‘tis’. The same tone that tried to impress on you that she knew much more than what she was actually saying. Leliana felt her smile become that bit more genuine as she directed her gaze to her old companion.

“Indeed. Being the seneschal to the Inquisition is a very busy job, but one I take to proudly.” Leliana said.

“I’m sure.”

Their eyes lingered on one another, but Leliana could not for the life of her figure out what was on the witch’s mind.

“Oh, allow me to introduce you-” Celene started, only to be interrupted by Morrigan.

“There is no need, Your Majesty. Sister Nightingale and I have known each other for many, many years.” Morrigan’s voice carried like velvet around Leliana, just like it had all those years ago. Her tone as she said her title, though, made Leliana want to wipe that smirk off her face.

Leliana could feel more and more eyes being drawn to them as the witch took a small step closer in her direction.“Indeed, your Majesty. There was a time when we travelled together. When we fought side by side with the Hero of Ferelden to defeat the Blight.” Leliana said, letting her old bard training take over as she turned to look back at the Empress. “Alas, circumstances made it so that our paths were separated shortly after we emerged victorious. Your magnificent ball, however, has presented me with an opportunity I have long since waited for.” Leliana let a happy and grateful smile grace her lips as Morrigan’s eyes almost imperceptibly narrowed.

“I’m very happy to hear that, sister. What opportunity have I unwittingly given you?” Celene asked.

“To make an old acquaintance anew. If you’d allow me, Your Majesty, I’d beg you to let me take your advisor from your side for one dance. It has been many years, and I find myself wanting to not let this opportunity go to waste. You’ll be able to keep your eyes on her all the time, of course..”

The fact that that line did not taste at all like a lie on her tongue was something that Leliana would stash away for later analysis.

Celene laughed, delighted. “Oh, but I would love to see such an event! As much as I’ve been trying to impart on Morrigan the importance of enjoying oneself on the dance floor, I have yet to succeed. Perhaps you’ll fare better than I did.” With that, their whole entourage focused on Morrigan, whose eyes had not left Leliana and were by now more perceptively narrowed. To her surprise, however, Leliana did not see anger there. What she saw exactly, she wasn’t sure, but it wasn’t anger. Nor disgust.

Clearing her throat for effect, Leliana extended her hand and gave a bow, eyes never leaving the witch’s.

“Well then, will you do me the honour of this dance, Lady Morrigan?”

Leliana more felt than saw that most of the eyes in the ballroom were on her hand at the moment. If this was a few years ago, she’d be exhilarated… as it was, she was rather glad for the gloves on her hand that’d certainly prevent Morrigan (should she actually take her hand) from feeling just how nervous she really was.

Which was ridiculous. 10 years. She was hardly the same ‘girl’ she’d been last time they’d seen each other. And yet here she was, as enticed as she had been back then with the mysterious Witch of the Wilds. As nervous as she’d been the first time they’d been left alone at camp. The first time Leliana realised that she had developed quite the crush on the younger woman.

But it had been 10 years. Lingering looks and teasing words had long since been lost to time. It was ridiculous to still be feeling this way.

“Well,” Morrigan smiled. A small  smile, for sure, but clear for everyone to see, and if Leliana was not very much mistaken (or counting too much on wishful thinking), quite the genuine one. “If I must.” She said in her usual brusque manner, making all those around them chuckle and Leliana’s smile reach her eyes. As their hands touched and Leliana straightened, her heart did double time, and she had to fight to keep a blush from rising to her face.

“Shall we, then?”

“I did just accept, did I not?”

“Indeed, you did.” Morrigan did. Which in and off itself was sign enough that Leliana was far too out of her game and need to get back to it

“Well, by your leave then, Your Majesty.” Morrigan said, exaggerating on her excitement for appearances’ sake, taking back control over her emotions.

“Oh yes, this is delightful! Go ahead!” The monarch clapped her hands, drawing even more attention as she went towards the balustrade to look down at the dance floor.

Taking a small, fortifying breath, Leliana started making their way down the stairs, Morrigan’s fingers gently clasped on her own.

Soon after they took the first few steps, Morrigan broke their silence. Morrigan did. Which in and off itself was sign enough that Leliana was far too out of her game and need to get back to it

“So, I assume you’ll be the one leading?”

Leliana almost laughed at that, but stopped herself just in time, letting only a smirk spread on her face.

“Well, I was planning to. If that’s agreeable to you, my lady?” She asked casually.

“Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

She could just feel her rolling her eyes at that, even if Morrigan had apparently learned to keep herself from actually going through with the motions in open view.

“The whole point of going to the damned dancefloor, aside from drawing attention to us, is that so no one can hear us. Stop the court talk.”

Leliana did laugh then.

By now they had reached the centre of the dancing floor, and Morrigan stopped right in front of her.

“How should I talk then?”

“We’re in a ball in Halamshiral! How many times have I heard you screeching about these situations?”

Leliana chuckled at that as she placed her free hand on Morrigan’s waist, the other grasping Morrigan’s more firmly.

“You want me to screech?”

“Of course not! But it is unusual to see you not making a single comment about everyone else’s clothes.”Morrigan said, placing her hand on Leliana’s shoulder, closer to her neck than one normally would.

Leliana masked her dry swallowing by giving the witch in front of her a once over, a playful smile coming up on her lips.

“I could start that right now with your dress, if you’d like.”

“Never mind then.” Was her immediate answer, though Leliana felt  Morrigan relaxing at that. Humming satisfied, she let herself join in her calm as they started the first slow, easy steps of the song.

“’I’d sooner let Alistair dress me’, I believe were your actual words.” She laughed as she picked up their pace slightly.

“I really didn’t mean what I said before. Go back to being your weird formal self.” Morrigan quipped, making sure to place a scowl on her face. She couldn’t fool Leliana though; she’d been on the receiving end of her real scowls far too many times to not be able to recognize them.

“I did describe these exact details for your clothes, no? 10 years ago! Did you keep me in mind during all these years? Did you miss me that much as well, my dear Lady Morrigan?” She wasn’t even trying to mask the tone of her voice, and barely even realized what she’d let slip.

Despite what Leliana had told the Inquisitor earlier about masks and playing a part, she’d been right; Leliana had felt more like herself here than she had in years, and even more now, with Morrigan in her hands.

It couldn’t be helped, she supposed; she brought her memories from other times… happier ones, perhaps, even with the Blight. That year travelling with the wardens and their merry little band had been the best year of her life.

“Blast and damnation, Leliana. Go back to making small talk. ‘Tis a better use of your time and mine.”

Leliana openly laughed at that, heart beating as fast as it ever had, throwing Morrigan on a little spin before bringing her back.

“That’s the first time you’ve said my name to me. Ever, I think…”

If Leliana wasn’t paying so much attention to their steps, they’d be both on the floor then and there. As it were, she managed to plunge them in the classic and very dramatic swing dip. By the gasps and coos from all around them, she had managed to do so successfully, and they had indeed managed to gather quite a lot of attention.

“Careful now, Morrigan. We wouldn’t want you to crease your pretty dress, yes?” She asked, and there it was; that famous glare that she so fondly remembered. Though it did lack the actual ill intentions behind it.

A very hard pinch on her neck made her quickly pull Morrigan out of the dip. She picked up the pace, making Morrigan work to keep up as she went for some of the more daring manoeuvres.

“I’m surprised that all your time away from the court didn’t make you lose your touch at dancing, Sister Nightingale.”

“I’m surprised you’ve acquired such skills at all, Arcane Advisor.”

She was sure Morrigan would have shrugged had they been doing anything else.

“One does what one must to survive.”

“Indeed.”

Their words went silent for a few seconds as they spun faster and faster around the dance, the only sound coming from their mouths being a slight panting.

“How’s Kieran?”

Something fiercely protective flashed through Morrigan’s eyes at that.

“I hope he adapted well to the court?” She continued quickly, watching as Morrigan relaxed once more.

“Yes, though he did prefer to have a wee bit more freedom. ‘Tis fine though, he’s doing well.” She said softly as Leliana spun her. Morrigan didn’t need to ask her how she knew of her child. She certainly assumed that Mahariel had told her, and that the name had been learned by spies. Which was true.

“Anything on Mahariel?” Morrigan asked, as if reading her mind (she used to be quite good at that).

“Not for a few months now. You?”

“Not for a few years.”

As the song drew to a close, Leliana smirked once more.

“You ready for the grand finale?”

Morrigan’s eyes narrowed at her.

“What are you planning, bard?

Instead of answering, Leliana quickened up her pace, twirling Morrigan under her arm, spinning her away and then back in to finish with a low and daring dip, following after her so close that their faces were just a scant inch apart, right as the song finished and a truly thunderous applause started.

“Now, that wasn’t too bad, yes?”

“I hate you, bard.”

“Not yet, you don’t.”

“Wh-“

Before Morrigan could finish her phrase, Leliana, in a show of courage and impulse that she could simply not explain, closed even more the distance between their faces and pressed a very deliberate kiss on the other woman’s cheek, right in the corner of her lips.

Not wanting to give her a chance to recover and kill her on the spot, Leliana pulled them back to their standing position, taking one step back for a small bow. Morrigan automatically answered, before lightly, very lightly, taking back her hand and directing them to the stairs, under the sounds of animated and awed conversation. On any other circumstance, Leliana might have allowed herself to be quite proud.

As it was… well.

The silence remained between them until they were halfway through the stairs, and Leliana had started to seriously doubt herself. Her hands, which had begun to dry, were going back to being quite clammy.

“You’re ridiculous, Leliana.”

The spymaster could have laughed with relief at that.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, my dear Morrigan!” She said, smirking as she saw the other woman actually rolling her eyes. “Also, second time.”

Her hand being crushed was quite worth the exhilarating feeling she was experiencing at the moment. It had been far too long since she’d felt this alive.

As they reached the top of the stairs, they made a show of bowing and speaking rather loudly.

“Thank you for gracing me with your company for this dance and for the riveting conversation, Lady Morrigan. It was indeed a pleasure to make your acquaintance once more.” Leliana said, daring to bring the other woman’s hand to her lips for a brief kiss, barely touching her skin.

Morrigan’s eyes rolled again, a cross between an amused smile and a scowl on her face.

“The pleasure was all mine, Seneschal. It was good to converse with you once more. ‘Twas good fortune that fate brought us together once more.”

“May it not be the last time, my Lady.”

With a small smile for an answer, both of them turned away at the same time. But before Leliana could take more than one step, the witch spoke once more.

“I did, you know?”

Leliana stopped, turning around only partially. Morrigan was looking at Celene.

“Pardon?”

“Miss you too.”

Leliana froze, mind completely blank as she watched the witch make her way back to the empress.

She didn’t know how long she stood there, half hidden by the column behind her, rethinking everything that had been said on the dance floor.

Before long, what felt like a distant voice brought her out of her own mind.

A very, very excited voice.

“Leliana, that was amazing!” Josie somehow managed to sneak up behind her, Cullen right by her side. “Every single eye on this palace was on you! People actually rushed from other rooms for this!”

“They really did. Some of the guards even left their posts for it.” Cullen said, a small smile on his face.

Well, Leliana supposed, still utterly distracted, mission accomplished.

Now what?

Xxxx

Mission accomplished on all accounts, apparently. Lavellan had performed admirably, and pulled off something Leliana was not sure could ever actually happen. Brialla and Celene governing together was quite something. She allowed herself a small smile; Mahariel would have been proud.

She sighed as she overlooked the gardens, allowing herself to relax a little. Everyone was actually enjoying themselves on the ballroom now since all the mess was done with.

Light steps sounded behind her, but just a she began to tense up, she felt it. The smell of magic. Of wood, fire and wilderness that seemed to still be with her even after all these years away.

Morrigan.

Her heartbeat doubled again, but instead of nervousness, she felt light. Relaxed, even. Happy that she’d been reached out to.

“And here we are once more. Following a Dalish elf in events that shall change and shape the world.” Morrigan said.

“We also have a qunari, a dwarf, another elf, and a warden.” Leliana let an amused smile play on her lips as she leaned her hip against the balustrade, half turning to face Morrigan as the witch came to stand by her side. Rather closer than necessary, but Leliana would certainly not complain.

Morrigan raised an eyebrow. “And from what I heard, you also have an older mage that thinks she knows better than everyone else.”

Leliana let out a short laugh at that.

“We have you for that, my dear Lady Morrigan.”

Leliana was sure that the glare she received would have sent many running for their lives. Not her though.

Morrigan scoffed at her lack of response.

“I don’t think I know better than everyone else, bard. I know I do.” She said simply, and Leliana rolled her eyes.

“Of course.”

The two paused, looking out of the palace, to the far distance.

“And I’m not old.”

Leliana laughed at that, turning to look at Morrigan from head to toe, in a very deliberate way. The same way she had 10 years ago, which had almost earned her a fireball to the face for her trouble. Now, though, the only heated response seemed to be on the witch’s cheeks.

Was that a blush?

Leliana smirked, but said nothing.

“What?” Came, predictably, the cutting question.

“No, not old indeed.” She said lightly. “The years have served you well.”

“Stop your games, Leliana.” Morrigan said, rolling her eyes. Leliana allowed her smile to become truly open and genuine at that, wanting to hide nothing at the moment.

“It is no game, Morrigan. Also, third time.”

Blush still in place, Morrigan turned to face her.

“Are you gonna keep count now?”

“Is it going to become  a common enough occurrence for me to not have to?”

The question was not only about the name and they both knew it. Is this where they’d part ways once more? Or would they fight together again, side by side?

“Perhaps it shouldn’t. Maybe I’ll return to calling you bard. Or Sister Nightingale. Seneschal, even.”

Leliana felt a happiness she hadn’t felt for a long time settling deep inside of her.

Side by side it was.

She took a small step closer to Morrigan, their knuckles now brushing.

“I’ll stop counting, if you promise to keep saying it, Morrigan.” She said in a whisper, a little tremble in her voice at the boldness of her request.

Morrigan stopped for a few seconds, just looking at her. A look with so much feeling behind it that it reminded Leliana of how Morrigan had looked at her right before the fight against the Archdemon.

Without realising what she was doing, Leliana grasped Morrigan’s wrist as if to stop her from leaving again.

Once more, it seemed as though Morrigan had been reading her mind, because instead of recoiling as Leliana was expecting, Morrigan simply covered her hand with her own.

“Good. Seeing as I’m to live in Skyhold for the foreseeable future, it’d get tiring quite quickly.” She said, her dry tone failing to mask the fondness in her voice.

With a light squeeze on her hand (so light that Leliana thought she might have imagined it), Morrigan turned around and walked back towards the door, back to the party and to Celene’s side. Just before the witch crossed the threshold, Leliana recovered her senses, ignoring the blush on her own cheeks.

“I’m looking forward to working with you once more, Morrigan.”

The witch stopped.

“So am I. I guess wonders never cease.” She turned to meet Leliana’s eyes for one last time that night “Good night, Leliana.”

And with that, she was gone.

“Good night, Morrigan.” Leliana muttered to the empty balcony.

She turned to look over the gardens once more.

Morrigan had awoken something in her today, and she had no idea how the witch would feature in her day to day routine and responsibilities back home. This whole night had been almost an out of body experience for her; As if she was ten years younger again, flirting with danger, politics, lies, deceit, and with a wild apostate. And she’d loved it.

But tomorrow, they were to head back to the Inquisition. To Skyhold, where she was not a seneschal, but the spymaster. Where her responsibilities had weight, where her actions counted to their minimal details.

It had been a dream… a wonderful dream (full of murder, treachery and lies, but such was their life, and such was where she thrived in), but it had come to an end. Tomorrow, things would be back to normal.

Supposedly.

Leliana sighed.

What had she gotten herself into.

[sparklydreamies]

Best Shot ~Ch 4

Group: Stray Kids

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 6700+

Summary: Han Jisung, certified quiet boy, has never really understood the hype about love and romance. That is until he has to step out of his comfort zone and onto the basketball court to impress that one person he can’t stop thinking about.

Main themes: highschool!AU, basketball!AU, internalized homophobia, friends-to-lovers

MASTERLIST

a/n: I guess I’m making his parents worse than I planned, I apologize for that ddnvm,, also Hyunjin’s a big cutie and I will love him forever 

CHAPTER 4 

Surprisingly, there are some people who enjoy high school. Some people wake up every day, content in their own life and surroundings, happy to go to school to their abundance of friends, fully enjoying and taking advantage of their limited youthful years. Some people are able to live their teenage years happily, comfortable with themselves. Unsurprisingly, they were a very rare breed.

High school, for most kids, is not like they see in the movies. It isn’t filled with parties, good friends, romance or happiness, but is instead filled completely with overwhelming school work and the burden of self discovery. The feeling of comfort in one’s own skin long gone as people work to construct how they wish to be seen in the eyes of their friends. The big secret that they don’t tell you in movies is that nobody loves themselves completely. You may be happy with your personality or physical appearance, but everybody has just that one thing about themselves that they can’t help but want to conceal in a box, never to be seen by other people. 

For example, Jisung didn’t want to like boys. There was no reason that he couldn’t have been interested in girls, with their soft curves, full lips, and pretty faces. He should have been like his friend Felix, who would willingly leave Jisung stranded in some desolate, dusty desert somewhere if it meant that he could have a shot with a college girl. 

Felix was the straightest boy Jisung knew. There was no way in hell that Jisung would ever feel very comfortable telling Felix his secret; he’s too worried that Felix would think he’s abnormal or strange. Although the more Jisung thinks about it, he wasn’t one hundred percent sure Felix would be wrong. 

Jisung was used to the guilty feeling that bloomed deep in his chest when he thought about telling his family. His homophobic, conservative family. Lord knows Jisung has sat through way too many nights of hearing his father shouting slurs and making offensive comments at the television, or at his friends, who often would laugh and retort with an insult of their own. 

Thinking about how his mother would react did nothing to help cool the fire that was burning his lungs. What would she blame it on? Where would she ship him off to in the hopes of changing his views and correcting his disorder? Jisung’s mind raced as he thought of what he would have to endure, all for the sake of his mother’s reputation. Heaven forbid she ever raised a son who liked boys. 

Jisung was plagued with these thoughts, eating away at his consciousness until he felt like he was suffocating in the reality and weight of his problem. He had no outlet for his frustration. He was all alone. All alone and deformed. A blasphemy. How could he like boys of all things?

Jisung tried not to think about his problem during the days leading up to his first basketball game, which was much easier said than done. Jisung was quickly beginning to understand how Felix would feel when he was with Dahyun, or any other girl for that matter. When Jisung saw Minho walking down the halls of their school, talking and laughing with his friends, smiling and waving at Jisung, it was like he completely lost the ability to breathe. No matter how much Jisung tried to suppress it, Minho had a tight grip on his heart. 

Mina was a big help to Jisung. After their little talk on the bleachers by the track, Jisung often felt himself relying on her kindness and support. The thought of bothering her with his stupid drama and inner turmoil made him feel guilty, but he sincerely felt like there was no way he could keep this to himself. He was just too confused and upset. 

Friday came sooner than Jisung would have liked. Friday’s were the official game days for the varsity boys basketball team. 

Of course, Jisung wouldn’t actually be playing. No, Jisung still didn’t have the level of skill that it would take to be an actual player, but he was happy to be just sitting on the bench. The idea of playing was leaving a sour feeling with Jisung, and it was not very helpful to him while he tried to focus on his studies. 

Contrary to the sick feeling Jisung had, Felix and Seungmin were buzzing with excitement all day. Jisung thought it was strange how they both seemed way happier about this than he did, but judging by how much they cared about social hierarchies, it was expected. 

“Maybe you can talk to Minho and see if he’ll let you play, even for just a quarter,” Felix suggested when the boys sat down for lunch that eventful Friday. Jisung scoffed at him. The last thing he wanted was to actually play. It was astonishing how Felix still didn’t grasp that concept. 

“Felix you idiot, Jisung can’t even hold the ball properly, no way Minho will let him play,” Seungmin answered, making Felix giggle. Jisung shot him an exasperated look. 

“Not true,” Jisung denied, “Hyunjin says I’m better than I think I am. It’s not that I can’t play, it’s that I don’t want to play,”

“Because you don’t want to embarrass yourself?” Felix teased, but there was honestly nothing Jisung could counter about that question. He knew that he had basic skills, but nothing outstanding. Once he begins private practices with Hyunjin, maybe he’ll begin to improve. After all, Hyunjin obviously knows what he is doing when it comes to basketball. 

“Hey, since when are you such good friends with Hyunjin?” Seungmin asked, “Didn’t you hate him like a week ago?” 

“No, not hate him,” Jisung said in a small voice. There was a small beat of awkward silence before Seungmin changed the subject. Jisung was grateful for that. 

“Whatever. Felix did you end up figuring out the history homework, or are you going to freeload off my answers again?” Seungmin asked, and the conversation went off from there. 

Jisung was barely participating in the conversation, and he ended up completely tuning Felix out while the boy talked about why he didn’t do the assignment. Instead, Jisung’s eye was drawn to a vibrant colour he saw from across the cafeteria. Of course, it was the bright red, tell tale sign of the varsity basketball team. Jisung wanted to avert his gaze, but his eyes decided to focus themselves on the soft features of the boy who was unknowingly ruining his life. 

Jisung watched as Minho laughed at something Youngjae said, and they took a seat on the opposite corner of the room. Jisung was still zoned out, wondering what they were talking about when two fingers snapped in front of his face, drawing his attention away from the boys. 

“Ji?” Felix asked, chuckling at him, “are you good?” 

Jisung shook himself out of his thoughts and nodded a yes. He turned to look at Seungmin, who was giving him a questioning gaze. There was a small period of silence once again, before Jisung asked “what?” 

“We were asking if you’re exited about tonight, stupid,” Seungmin repeated. 

“I mean, I guess so,” Jisung coughed awkwardly, “like I said, I’m not really going to play,” 

“Well play or not, we’re still going to support you,” Seungmin said. Jisung blushed a bit out of embarrassment. 

Felix smiled, “oh yeah Ji, we might make posters too,” 

“I know you guys are joking, but please do not do that,” Jisung warned, feeling too embarrassed to even imagine the horrible sight that would be. Felix and Seungmin, sitting in the middle of a sea of high schoolers, holding homemade signs, whooping whenever Jisung took a drink of water. Absolutely the last thing Jisung needed.

“Felix, I don’t know if I have any glitter glue left at my house though, we might have to pick some more up,” Seungmin said, and all three boys started laughing. 

----

“Attention teachers. At this time, please dismiss all members of the varsity boys basketball team, as today is game day. Good luck boys, we wish you luck!”

Jisung felt his stomach tighten slightly at the announcement. He saw across the room that Hyunjin, whom he shared last period with, was packing up his books and getting ready to leave. He gave Jisung a reassuring smile. Jisung nervously began to pack up his belongings, shoving them into his backpack. 

Jisung wasn’t nervous about playing the game, as he knew he was just there as a spare in the unlikely case that two of the team members got injured and they needed their last resort extra. He wasn’t nervous about the possibility of losing the game, because it wasn’t that important to him. So what was the reason for his unwelcome feeling of anxiety? Why was he so nervous? It’s not like he’s alone, he has Hyunjin, Minho, and everyone else on the team who has grown to be friendly acquaintances with Jisung over the past week. 

He had no more time to try and untangle his thoughts, as he was being led out the classroom door by Hyunjin, who was calling a last goodbye to their teacher. 

“Are you nervous?” Hyunjin asked. Of course Jisung was nervous. It’s in his nature to be nervous about everything. Jisung felt his heartbeat in his throat.

“No, not at all,” Jisung answered, sounding surprisingly calm despite the feelings he was experiencing. 

“Liar,” Hyunjin mumbled, shoving Jisung’s shoulder as they walked. Jisung smiled. It was nice to have Hyunjin around; he always seemed to understand Jisung’s emotions, yet never judged him. It was just like their old times, when Jisung would be upset about the insignificant drama of their sixth grade class, and Hyunjin would always be there to cheer him up. 

“Shut up,” Jisung whispered as they reached the gym hallway. He took a breath before shoving the heavy door of the change room open with his shoulder. 

Once Jisung opened the door, he was met with loud music echoing off the walls, and the faint smell of sweat. He wrinkled his nose at the stench, wondering what the room would smell like after the boys played an hour of basketball. 

Hyunjin led Jisung to the back corner of the room, where they usually sit. All around them, boys were getting undressed and changed into their horribly designed uniforms. Jisung once again felt awkward and slightly self conscious changing in front of these boys. He feels awkward enough exposing his own skin to these boys, but pair that with the fact that he just realized he likes men. His doubts were eased slightly when he saw Hyunjin slip off his uniform shirt beside him. 

Jisung began to get undressed when the door swung open again. The sound of the heavy door swinging open rang throughout the already noisy room. Jeongin paused the music blaring from his speaker once the team captain walked in. Jisung was suddenly brought back to the back that not only was he shirtless and exposed in front of the other boys, but he was half naked in front of Lee Minho. 

He felt embarrassment slowly creep up on him and make his ears burn. Minho didn’t spare him a glance, yet Jisung still felt ashamed. He quickly slid on his basketball shirt, thankful that it covered his chest. 

When the boys were all ready and the last bell rang for the school day, Minho made his way to the middle of the room, clearing his throat and grabbing everyone’s attention. Jisung saw how Minho rolled up the sleeves on his jersey shirt, and he thought it made Minho look even cooler in it than he previously thought. 

“Alright boys,” Minho started, and the remaining murmurs echoing in the room ceased. “We’re off to a good start this season, but we need to keep it up.” Jisung saw some of the boys nod, and some of them clapped lightly. “Our biggest difficulty this season is our defense, which I went over lightly last practice. It’s not enough to score points, we also have to keep the other team from scoring points,” he continued. Minho suddenly pointed towards Jisung, and he felt like his heart stopped. 

“On another note, today is Jisung’s very first game!” Minho announced, and the rest of the team began to whoop at that, making Jisung’s blushing face fall into his hands. This was too much attention for him. Hyunjin smiled dumbly and shoved Jisung’s shoulder. “Let’s show him how winning feels, yeah?” Minho suggested, his voice getting louder. There was a booming chorus of agreements from the team. “Yeah?” Minho repeated, his voice very loud now. “Let’s go!” He called, opening the heavy doors and holding it for the team to pass through. 

Unlike during practices which were private for the most part, the school gymnasium was packed full with students and a few parents occupying the bleachers on the side of the court. 

The energy in the space was electric, and Jisung found himself wondering how he had never been to a basketball game before. Maybe it was due to the fact that he never saw the interest in watching sweaty boys wrestle a ball away from each other. 

A loud holler from the bleachers drew Jisung’s attention to his two best friends, cheering him on. Jisung smiled at them, but spared no more than that as he jogged over to the bench where he would be staying for the entirety of the game. 

All around him, his teammates were warming up, executing drills Jisung remembered from practice, and stretching. Jisung himself tried to get his heart rate up, but for no particular reason other than to not look like he didn’t know what the fuck he was doing. 

Basketball is an interesting sport, Jisung concluded by the halftime mark. It wasn’t as slow as golf or even baseball, but it wasn’t as fast as hockey. There was a noticeable grace to the players as they made their formations, utilizing plays and techniques learned from hours of practice. The way that they relied on their teammates was quite cool to Jisung. It was like they were a machine, each component with their own mission, all working together for the greater good. 

By the time halftime rolled around, Jisung’s team was losing, significantly. The tension was obviously high; Jisung could see that from the exasperated faces of his teammates, and the obvious overconfidence from the other team. 

Hyunjin didn’t even bother to pat Jisung on the shoulder, or ruffle his hair on his way to his water bottle. He looked focused, concentrating on the present game. Minho looked even worse. 

Sweat was dripping all down the side of his face and his neck, shining under the harsh lights of the gym. His hair was completely stuck to his forehead, and his eyes were serious. Jisung felt a little bit intimidated from the strange change in the other’s behavior. Jisung had never experienced Minho to be this determined and fierce. His features were sharper, and there was a fire in his expression. The sight took Jisung’s breath away. 

“Guys, what are we doing out there?” Minho ran his hand through his hair in an attempt to get it off his forehead, “We’re playing like amateurs. We are sloppy, not coordinated, and we’re playing way too rushed. We’re throwing the ball away, and it’s going right to the other team. That isn’t the way to win, right?” he asked, and there were a few agreements from the team. Jisung internally chuckled, because before, he thought the team was very much in sync. “I want to win this game just as much as you guys do. So let’s slow ourselves down, okay? Play smarter, not harder,” he concluded. 

He then led the team into a loud cheer, hyping up the home crowd. The boys made their way back onto the court, wiping their sweaty foreheads on their jerseys. Jisung didn’t miss the way that some girls swooned over them, catching some of the boys’ attention. 

After the third quarter commenced, Jisung was a bit astounded. It was almost as if Minho had flipped a switch with his words. Progress came slowly, but sure enough, they began to climb the scoreboard. Jisung felt himself grow more and more invested in the game as he watched the boys fly across the court, ball after ball into the other team’s hoop. 

Jisung watched, his heart in his throat, as Hyunjin expertly sank a three-pointer. He jumped in his seat, which caught the eye of Hyunjin himself, who was smiling ear-to-ear like an idiot. 

When the team pilled back into the change room after the game, the adrenaline was enough to choke on. Jisung was ecstatic, bumping into and high fiving his teammates after his first ever win. 

Jisung understood why people care about sports. At least, he was starting to. There was a sense of family in that change room after that game, and Jisung bathed in it. Even if he wasn’t that close with the members yet, he felt more than accepted as he was pulled into a hug from Choi Youngjae. 

“Settle down!” yelled a voice coming from the door, and Jisung turned around to see Minho standing there, proudly smiling, obviously basking in the post-victory high. 

One by one, the boys moved to their spots, and let Minho give them a final talk about how they played, and where they would rank in the standings after beating this team. Jisung didn’t catch too much, he was preoccupied by Hyunjin bumping into his side, still smiling so hard he might split his face open. 

Once they were changed, Hyunjin led Jisung out of the change room, and into the school’s main hallway. They passed a slew of people that were waiting for their player friends to change quickly so they could leave. He passed by a few dejected faces of boys from the other school. 

Jisung did not expect Hyunjin leaning towards the other players and sincerely congratulating them on their game. There wasn’t a hint of passive-aggressiveness in his voice at all, but rather there was real sincerity. 

“Why are you doing that?” Jisung whispered to him. 

“What, talking to the other guys?” Jisung nodded, still giving him questioning eyes, “Well, they played a really good game, and I know I would appreciate it if I got complimented from the other players,” Hyunjin explained, leaning away from Jisung to congratulate another young looking boy. 

Jisung shook his head. Of course Hyunjin was just about the sweetest person alive. It was no different from when they were kids. Everybody loved Hyunjin because he was nice, and didn’t make fun of people. That’s probably also the reason Jisung’s mother was so infatuated with Hyunjin. Who doesn’t want their son to be friends with such a polite and well mannered boy? 

“Hyunjin, you were great,” Jisung said, once they passed a small crowd of what looked like freshmen, “honestly, I think you won that for us,” 

Hyunjin gave a small laugh. A blush slightly painted his cheeks, which he failed to hide from Jisung. “Are you trying to steal my thing from me?” he countered, giving an offended glare. 

Jisung slapped him lightly in the arm. “No, I just think you did really well!” 

Hyunjin smiled fondly, focusing his gaze on the ground in front of them. “It was Minho all the way,” he said, “but thanks,”

Jisung was about to argue with him when something caught his eye. A slight glimmer of fluorescent lights hitting jet black hair. He turned slightly to examine, and almost choked on his breath when he saw the familiar pale skin and small stature. 

He remembered the pretty girl quite vividly; he remembered feeling her pressed against him in a dark hallway, stealing rushed kisses from him. He also remembered the awkward moment when he pushed her away, and shuddered. Jisung tried to keep his head down and walk, lest he make eye contact and relive the painful memory, but of course, life is a bitch. 

“Jisung!” someone called from that direction, however it wasn’t the soft spoken voice of the pretty little girl from the party. Instead, it was the deep and recognizable voice of Lee Felix. 

Hyunjin was the first to turn, smiling wide at the smaller boy, pushing Jisung towards that general direction. Jisung saw Felix had his arm around the waist of a gorgeous blonde girl. Of course, Jisung recognized her as Kim Dahyun. 

“Good game! Does your ass have splinters from sitting on the bench?” Seungmin called, Felix laughing with him. Typical of Seungmin. Jisung landed a fairly hard punch right on the bone in his arm, sure to leave a bruise. 

Jisung’s eyes raised to meet Nayeon’s. The girl tucked her soft hair behind her ear. 

“So I’ve been told that you two know each other,” Dahyun teased, poking her friend in the side. Nayeon blushed slightly, mumbling a small warning to drop it. 

Jisung saw the gross look in Felix’s eyes. It was the type of look that says “my friend is definitely going to get some”. Jisung wrinkled his nose and drew his attention away from his perverted friend. 

“It’s fine,” Jisung awkwardly mumbled. “Have you met Hwang Hyunjin?” he asked, changing the subject away from the girl who looked quite nervous. 

As Dahyun and Hyunjin made each other’s acquaintance, Jisung couldn’t help but feel sorry for the poor girl. He didn’t want Nayeon to think that she forced herself on him, or that he had any harsh feelings towards her in any way. She still avoided his gaze. 

Jisung figured that was expected. If the tables were turned and Nayeon pushed Jisung away, he would feel absolutely ashamed of himself. 

“Anyways, I think it’s time we should go, I’m driving Jisung home,” Hyunjin said, causing Jisung to snap back into reality at the mention of his name. 

“Uh yeah, we should get going,” he agreed, “it was nice seeing you guys again,” he waved at Dahyun and Nayeon. 

The two boys stiffly made their way to the school’s main entrance, where Hyunjin’s car was parked. Hyunjin made some stupid joke about riding shotgun or something, which Jisung found hard to pretend to laugh at. 

“So,” Hyunjin started once they got into the car. Hyunjin fired up the engine, making his way slowly to the road, among all the post-game traffic. “Who was the cutie?” he asked. 

Jisung groaned at the intrusive question. Why can’t Hyunjin just not bother to care? The answer was because being nosy is a part of Hyunjin’s personality. “She’s nobody,” he answered, brushing off the question.

“That doesn’t sound convincing,” Hyunjin mumbled, pulling out of the parking lot. 

“She’s just a girl,” 

Hyunjin laughed at his friend. “Felix was looking like he was expecting you two to take your clothes off right there,” 

“Jesus, dude!” Jisung cried out, trying to hit his head against the window to the sound of Hyunjin’s giggles. “She’s just a girl that I fooled around with once, okay? Not a big deal.” he reluctantly answered. Hwang Hyunjin was a pain in the ass. 

Of course, Hyunjin began his chorus of oohs, causing Jisung to cover his face. “I think...” Hyunjin trailed off. Jisung uncovered his face to see what caused Hyunjin to stop talking. “I think you like her,” Hyunjin teased. 

Jisung almost burst out laughing. The irony of that conclusion was astounding. It was crazy how someone could be so wrong about a topic. Just imagine the shock Hyunjin would feel if he found out about Jisung’s little crush on Minho. 

“What?” Hyunjin asked. Jisung just shook his head. 

"I don’t like Nayeon,” Jisung pressed, still trying to gain control of his laughter, “please drop it,” he said. 

Hyunjin mumbled a “fine” under his breath. 

After a second of silence, Hyunjin spoke again. “Is there anybody that you do have a thing for?” he asked. 

Jisung paused his breathing. The way that Hyunjin asked that made Jisung’s mind immediately conclude that Hyunjin knew about Minho. 

How did he know? Jisung wasn’t that obvious. He didn’t tell anybody except for Mina. Did Mina tell Hyunjin? No, Mina isn’t close with Hyunjin. Did Mina tell other people, which got passed around from person to person until it hit Hyunjin? Did the whole school know?

No. They didn’t. Jisung willed himself to calm down, as he didn’t know whether or not this was even the topic Hyunjin was regarding. 

“No, not really,” Jisung said weakly, hoping that Hyunjin couldn’t see past his bullshit. 

“You never seem to be interested in anybody,” Hyunjin chuckled. Jisung felt himself loosen up as the atmosphere grew light again. “That’s a real shame, you’d make a great boyfriend,” he joked. 

Fuck Jisung’s mind for overthinking. 

----

“There you are,” Chaeryeong called from the kitchen. The smell of something cooking greeted Jisung as he walked through the front door. Chaeryeong was stirring a pot of something on the stove, making dinner like she usually is expected to. “How was the game?” she asked. 

“Fine, we won,” he answered. Chaeryeong moved around the kitchen some more, handling this and that. Jisung always admired his sister’s cooking skills; he had never been much of a chef himself. 

Jisung’s mother wasn’t around too much to cook for her children, and when she was, she was often too tired or unmotivated. As the oldest girl, the duty was passed onto Chaeryeong from a young age. Jisung never found it that fair, but Chaeryeong never complained. When Jisung would offer to share the work with her, she would just smile and say she would rather make something edible than eat whatever Jisung would make. Chaeryeong might be annoying at times, but she was a responsible and tolerant girl. 

Chaeryeong smiled and gave him a quick congratulations for his victory before the sound of a yell rang through their home. Chaeryeong froze in her spot.

Jisung’s face dropped. “Why is he here, I thought he wasn’t coming until tomorrow?” he whispered to Chaeryeong. She gave him a sort of exasperated shrug as she tried to continue her work. 

“His meetings for tomorrow got cancelled, so he decided to come back early,” Chaeryeong said, “believe me, I was just as surprised as you,”

The man that was currently occupying their living room was Jisung’s father. No doubt he was trying to yell at the soccer referees through the television. 

Jisung and Chaeryeong’s father was just about the least likable man they know of. 

Jisung’s parents had tarnished Jisung’s perception of healthy relationships from a very young age. Sure, every marriage has their ups and downs, but it wasn’t until Jisung was eleven or twelve years old that he realized not everybody’s parents dissolve into screaming matches during every conversation.

If Jisung was being honest, a lot of the worst moments from his childhood had resulted due to his father’s loud arrogance and his mother’s stubborn judgement. The only reason they haven’t gotten divorced yet is because Jisung’s mother is so occupied with thinking about what her friends would think about her. Her incapability of pleasing her husband like a good wife should. It was better for her to silently accept the hellish life she had created for herself, while simultaneously ruining her children’s childhoods all for the “greater good”.

If his parents were to get a divorce, there is no doubt in Jisung’s mind that he would rather live with his mother. Even though she could be harsh and mean, she could also be a decent mother. Jisung’s father was never much of a father. It was easy to have conversations with his mother when she was in the right mood. Sometimes however, when Jisung thinks about his mother, the bad memories are always what surface first. The memories of her calling him useless, saying he ruined her promising life, saying that he was a disappointment. 

That sort of thing can really hurt a kid. 

Jisung’s house sometimes felt like a war zone. It was almost impossible to dodge the bullets that his parents were always firing around, attempting to blame others for their own unhappiness. If he managed to avoid being shot with harsh words from his parents, surely he would make a comment, or do something that would set off a landmine of arguments and yelling throughout his house. 

Jisung had learned through many years of struggling to avoid the sharp words of his parents that when the two of them were both home together, it was the best move to be out of the house. 

“Chae,” he whispered, trying to quietly make his way into where his sister was still cooking, “let’s go out somewhere,” 

Chaeryeong nodded quickly at him, “but I have to finish their dinner, or we’ll be in deep shit,” she said, moving to take the sauce off of the stove. Jisung gave her a little pat on the shoulder as he moved to silently make his way upstairs to his room, without alerting his parents that he was home. 

Chaeryeong had it harder than Jisung, he knew. His parents rarely expected him to do anything, but they essentially forced Chaeryeong to do their cooking and cleaning. She is still young; she doesn’t deserve to be treated like a maid because her parents don’t like making their own meals. 

It was useless trying to understand the logic Jisung’s parents had when it came to raising kids. 

Jisung changed out of his school uniform and into his casual clothes before making his way back downstairs to see if Chaeryeong was ready to leave yet. He quietly made his way down the stairs, moving so expertly down the wood where he knew it wouldn’t creak. Unfortunately, it was all in vain when he heard his mother’s voice in the kitchen. 

“Call me when it’s time- oh, Jisung you’re home,” she said when Jisung walked into the kitchen, “how was your day?” 

“It was good mom,” Jisung said, but he could tell she wasn’t paying that much attention. 

“Did you say hi to your father yet?” she said, and before Jisung could object, she was calling his name, beckoning him over to greet his son. Jisung saw Chaeryeong shrug at him. Jisung dangled his car keys to signal that he still wanted to get the hell out of there, which she silently agreed with. 

Jisung didn’t have any urge to talk to his father. To his dismay, he heard the sound of approaching footsteps coming from the living room, followed by mumbles of “the game is on,” and such. 

Jisung’s dad wasn’t a bad looking man. Sometimes Jisung thinks if he had a better personality, he might even be a decent catch. His father was tall, with very dark hair and a fairly slim build. He was decent looking enough for many people to envy his mother, however those people never saw the real person that he was. The person who shamelessly bashes his family, while at the same time expects to be treated like a king. 

Jisung doesn’t care about how his father insults him, his academics, his looks or his friends, but it kills Jisung to see how he hurts Chaeryeong. Chaeryeong is a bright and happy girl, but Jisung can see the way that his father tears down her confidence. 

He breaks her down so easily with his judgments. Jisung’s skin crawls every time he thinks about his father casually bringing up her looks and her weight, saying she should eat less if she wants a husband. Jisung never fails to notice how her face drops, and her entire aura becomes sad and insecure. Jisung hates to see her like that. 

“How have you been, Jisung?” Jisung’s father asked when he entered the room, “I almost didn’t recognize you, you’ve changed,”

“I hope that’s a good thing,” Jisung mumbled, and grabbed his father’s extended hand. 

“I still think you could build some muscle, it wouldn’t hurt you,” Jisung nodded at his father. It was honestly best not to interact too much with him. “You should consider playing a sport or something, lord knows you have so much free time,” 

“Well Jisung is playing on the school basketball team now,” Chaeryeong piped up from where she was cutting bread. So much for not interacting much with him. 

Jisung’s eyes widened as this sunk in. Jisung never told his mother that he was going to join the team. She barely likes him working his job while trying to study, Jisung knew that him playing basketball would make her livid. 

“What did she say?” his mother asked. Only then did Chaeryeong seem to process the fact that Jisung’s mother didn’t know. “The team that Hyunjin is on? Why didn’t I know about this?”

“I was going to tell you, but-” Jisung was cut off.

“My son is a basketball player?” Jisung’s dad asked, suddenly very interested in this conversation. 

Jisung’s mother didn’t have the angry or upset look in her eyes that Jisung was expecting, but rather she looked almost offended. Offended and disappointed that Jisung ignored her opinions and thoughts about focusing on things other than studies. 

“Jisung likes being on the team, right Ji?” Chaeryeong asked him, trying to make up for her previous mistake.

“I really do,” Jisung said, shifting his eyes between his mother’s exasperated ones, and his father’s curious ones. 

Jisung’s father patted him on the shoulder, “you’ve never been the athletic type. Maybe this will change that,” he said, snaking his arm around Jisung’s tense shoulders, which Jisung ultimately shrugged off. 

“I wish you would have told me,” Jisung’s mother said quietly, “I’m not worried about your school. You’re doing fine in your classes, but I don’t want you to take your foot off of the gas.” she said. 

“I know that, it’s just that this means a lot to me, and I’m having a lot of fun with the team,” he explained. 

Jisung’s mother gave a sort of small whine. Her expression was unreadable to Jisung. She ran her fingers through her dark hair, usually a sign that she was upset about something. 

“You’re having too much fun with the team,” she said, barely louder than a whisper. “I’m too tired for this, I worked hard all day,” she said, and with that, she turned on her heels and headed towards the stairs, up to her bedroom. 

Jisung gave Chaeryeong a panicked look, but she just signaled to him that he should let her go and have her space. Jisung felt guilt pile up in his chest, however he could not bring himself to figure out what to do about it. He didn’t know how he could make his mother less disappointed. 

Jisung’s father, unlike Jisung and his sister, obviously was not phased by the exit of his wife.

“So what, have you had any games yet?” he asked, but Jisung gave him a cold shoulder. Silently, Jisung turned away from his father, and called Chaeryeong over. 

“Oh.. Dad, Jisung and I have something to do, we’ll be back later..” Chaeryeong called, “dinner is ready, help yourself, and please try and see if mom will eat,” 

----

Most people prefer to have a destination in their minds while driving with their baby sisters, but it didn’t matter to Jisung. He was just happy that him and Chaeryeong were able to breathe outside that house. 

And so, their evening consisted mainly of them driving around, talking about pointless things until they found a place where they could get quick food. 

“What...” Jisung asked, once him and Chaeryeong settled into a parking lot outside of the local variety store, “what did mom mean by I’m having too much fun?” Jisung asked, fiddling with the little straw in his drink. 

“Don’t act like she didn’t have to feel the embarrassment of her only son being dragged home at three in the morning by some good looking neighbor boy,” she answered, “I’m all for that lifestyle. I’d let Hyunjin drag me anywhere. But mom is different,”

Jisung refrained from gagging at the gross comment about Hyunjin, and instead focused on what Chaeryeong was saying about their mother. She didn’t want her children going out and drinking like delinquents. She valued studies and ambition. 

“Mom is just afraid of what people would think of her as a mother if you became like Hyunjin, Chan, or any other of those guys.” 

Chaeryeong was making sense. Before Jisung could agree with her, he felt a rhythmic vibration in his pocket. His heart almost exploded out of his chest at the caller ID. 

Why the hell was Lee Minho calling Jisung at quarter after nine? 

“Uh, hold- hold on,” Jisung stumbled over his words, unbuckling his seat belt and snaking his way out of his car to gain some privacy. Jisung took a small breath before clicking the green answer button. 

“Hi Minho, what’s going on?” Jisung asked, wincing at the way his voice sounds broken. 

“Jisung, Jisung,” Minho answered, words slurred slightly, “everybody shut up!”

Jisung had to hold the phone slightly away from his ear as Minho yelled at whoever was probably in the room with him. 

“Is everything okay?” Jisung asked, and Minho chuckled. 

“Everything is fucking amazing! We’re at Chan’s house with booze, will you come? Please?” Minho whined. Jisung couldn’t help but notice how cute Minho’s voice sounded when he whined like that. The boy was already adorable, but Jisung felt his heart clench when he heard the soft words. 

Still though, he had Chaeryeong with him. Not only that, but he should be going home soon before his mother beats him. Jisung thought about what his mother had said about him having too much fun with his team. He felt his heart clench again, except this was not the sweet torture of the cute brunette on the other line of the phone, but rather the guilt of what he was doing to his mother. 

“I can’t Minho, I’m so sorry,” he said, and he heard the other boy whine again. Jisung figured that Minho must be pretty drunk, because he seemed way different than this at the original party at Bang Chan’s. The original party where the roles were reversed, and Jisung was the very drunk one. 

“Why not?” Minho asked.

“Because I’m busy right now, okay? Are you okay there?” Jisung asked, and Minho laughed again, except this time it was more like a giggle than a chuckle. 

“Mhm,” he said, “oh and also before I forget,” Minho started, “it’s team tradition...” the boy trailed off. 

Jisung waited a beat before asking “tradition to what?” 

“Don’t you know? All new players have to throw a party,” Minho said, “it’s welcoming tradition,”

Jisung felt his stomach drop. There was no way that he would be able to throw a party and still have the respect of his mother. 

“I’ll have to talk to you about it when you’re sober, okay?” Jisung said, noticing that Chaeryeong was banging on the glass window, signaling that it was close to nine thirty, which is the time that their mother wants them home most nights. 

“Jisung don’t go,” Minho begged, “will you sing for me?”

Jisung waited a second before realizing that Minho was being serious. “...no” he said, “Minho, I have to go,” Jisung said, and he knew that he wasn’t going to get a proper response back when he heard the other boy begin singing loudly. 

Jisung hung up the phone and got back into the car. 

“Who was that?” Chaeryeong asked, buckling her seat belt up.

Jisung did the same as he answered “it was Minho,” 

“Minho? Like Lee Minho?” she asked. 

“The one and only,” Jisung started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, beginning their drive back to their house. 

“What did he want?” 

“He wanted me to throw a party.. apparently it’s some sort of team tradition, I don’t know,” Jisung answered, realizing how dumb the request was. No way he was going to throw a party for a bunch of dumb jock basketball players that would inevitably end up in a wreaked house and a panic attack. 

What Jisung wasn’t expecting was his baby sister to ask him “you’re going to do it though, right?” 

[ravens-rambling]

Putting Up the Cheer

Hheeyyy would you look at that!! Some DLAMP!!! It’s been a while since I’ve written some of that!! Hope you like it!!

WC: 1,664

ships: Romantic DLAMP

warnings: Falling, anxiety, Deceit, 

Tag List: @punsterterry @frostedlover @stormcrawler75 @mutechild @mycatshuman @panicattheeverywhere15 @riley-castillo @thewinterbookqueen

They were late on putting up their Christmas lights this year. All of them had been so busy this year that they haven’t had a lot of chances to be together let alone putting up the lights.

But finally, they got at least a bit of time before Patton had to start making dinner to put up these lights. And oh boy were there a lot of them.

“Do we really have to put this much up? Can’t we like just throw up some lights and these reindeers and call it a day?”

He heard two loud collective gasps from behind him and sighed rolling his eyes, he knows where this is going.

“That won’t simply do my Dark and Stormy Knight! How dare you even say that!! Such travesty!”

“But kiddo we have to make it look stunning!! And we got this projection this year that will look beautiful and these lights and-”

“Yes yes, I got it, Pat, I’m just joking.” He leaned forward and kissed Patton on the cheek causing Patton to blush rather quickly.

“Oh, you better have been! I know that we are all figments and everything but we have to make the mindscape look stunning no matter what! What if Thomas visits then-”

He was cut off by a kiss to the cheek his mouth shutting up rather fast.

“I… I.. Um..that was…”

Virgil giggled at the sight and stuck out his tongue playfully. “The best way to shut you up princey.”

Patton looked over at the blushing flustered mess of a prince and giggled at the sight covering his mouth with his hands.

“Oh yes, that was such a bad way to shut somebody up I know that for certain.” A certain hiss came from the corner.

“Deceit!!! Wanna help us put the lights up?”

Patton jumped at Deceit grabbing his arm and practically dragging him over to them beaming from ear to ear.

“I suppose I can’t. Not like I have anything else to do.”

“Yyeesssss!!! Thanks, Dee!!”

As Roman cheered along Patton kissed Deceit gently on his scaly cheek causing him to blush and shiver. They learned early on in their relationship that his scales are rather…senstive to touch. One fact that none of them have forgotten and properly never will, and one fact that they use practically every time they are affectionate with him.

“Y-Yes… I… I guess not…”

“I have calculated that we have about an hour and a half to finish this so if we want to get this done today we better start moving. No more fooling around.”

Roman and Patton both slapped on puppy faces at him, “Aw but Lo Lo! It’s been forever since we’ve been together can’t we enjoy this!” Patton huffed out.

But Logan wasn’t falling for it, “We’ll be able to…” He drew out his flashcards digging around it for a moment then drawing one out, “‘hang out’ as soon as we’re done.”

He glanced over to Virgil who gave him a thumbs up. He smiled at that, good he used that term correctly, and with that, his flashcards poofed away.

Both of the sides pouted but Patton brightened up at a thought. “Once we are finished we can drink some hot chocolate and maybe watch a movie before I have to start dinner! Oh, do we have enough time for that Logan?”

“Only if we finish in time..”

“Yes alright then let’s go!!!”

Before anybody could say a word Patton, who now had stars in his eyes, grabbed Deceit's and Roman's hand and started dragging them outside not even stopping to put on shoes or jackets.

Virgil and Logan watched the scene then at them and chuckled a bit. Yep… That’s their boyfriends.

As soon as they stepped outside they were greeted with a shivering Deceit who had his hands up.

“Nope, nope I’m so doing this unless I have a million jackets. Virgil where’s your thick jacket?”

“My thick jacket…? Oh, you mean.” With a flick of his wrist, he summoned his old black jacket, “This thing?”

“Not perfect!” He grabbed his jacket and with a wave, a large yellow scarf appeared. “Thanks… Um... L-Love…?”

“Yes, no problem.” Virgil drew forward and peeked Deceit's cheek again. Since they got together Deceit's always had a hard time expressing his love, similar to how Logan was when they started. For Deceit, it’s more of having a hard time saying pet names and expressing physical affection such as hugs and kisses, but they were getting there…slowly.

Them three walked outside all holding hands and blushing a bit. Virgil thought it wasn’t that cold but Deceit was prone to getting cold quicker than the rest of them, Logan saying something about that he was more like a snake than a human when they walked into absolute chaos.

Roman was already up high on a ladder holding a string of lights in his hand that was falling towards the ground. Patton holding the ladder study.

Virgil all but practically had a heart attack right there.

“Roman! What are you doing! Get down from there! Let Logan do those lights!”

“Why does Logan have to do them?” Roman looked down to them now not paying attention to the lights in his hands. “I am perfectly capable of doing them myself! What do you not trust me?”

“Do I really have to answer that?”

“…..okay fine. But I wanna do them!!”

Virgil drew in a breath looking to Logan for help.

“Roman get down right now. If you don’t no hot chocolate.” He used his mom's voice, a voice that all of them has made fun of him for, though they snapped their heads towards him whenever he pulled out that voice, unfortunately.

“Hey, that’s not fair!”

“I don’t want some hot chocolate…”

“No Deceit you’ll have some. It’ll warm you up.”

“You aren’t the boss of me! Why does only Deceit get some! I can do whatever I want! Just because you're the-” He didn’t finish his sentence as just as he was about to turn around a bit to face Logan better he placed his foot right on some of the loose light bulbs causing his foot to slip right off.

Virgil screamed loudly as he saw Roman fall all but picturing Roman laying on the ground flat as a pancake and his bones broken. Patton and Logan didn’t have time to process it at all. But Deceit…

It was over in a blink of an eye. Virgil had started making his way over but now had his eyes closed afraid to see what would happen if he opened them. But when he didn’t hear any bones being broken he peeked open his eyes.

Roman was in the arms of Deceit, who looked very nonchalantly as he just stared at Roman. Roman was practically breathing a mile a minute his hands gripping on tightly into Deceit's thick jacket.

Then Deceit let him go his hands drawing back before Roman could even get his barrings. Causing him to drop back first onto the grass.

“Ow….”

“You're not welcome, you stupid thickheaded nugget.” He said as his forked tongue spit out of his mouth.

As he walked away the others rushed forwards now having their barrings together. Virgil was first.

“Oh god, Roman are you okay? Did you get hurt anywhere? Please tell me you didn’t get hurt that was a long fall and sure Deceit is strong but I don’t know if-”

“Virgil breathe I’m okay. Back hurts a bit thanks to a certain someone!” He yelled that last bit looking at Deceit. Deceit only flipped him off not even turning around as he walked over to a large tree to wait.

Patton next came over gripping Roman’s hand, “Are you sure your fine kiddo?” He grabbed onto Virgil’s hand as well.

“Yes yes gosh I know I’m handsome but come on let a guy breathe.”

“Okay, he’s fine.” Logan rolled his eyes smiling faintly towards Deceit, “Thanks… Dee.”

“Yes thank you so much kiddo!” He ran over and kissed him. Deceit was expecting another kiss on his cheek, not one right on his lips. His eyes widened at the kiss drawing in a breath as Patton backed away still beaming. “Thank you so much… We don’t know what we will do without you… Are you okay?”

He placed a hand on his shoulder as Virgil helped Roman up still glued to his side and frantic but has calmed down a lot. Deceit looked down to the touch then back up to the sparkling eyes of Patton and swallowed thickly.

He could only shake his head his face bright red and not from the sudden cold breeze that picked up. Curse his sudden silence when he’s shown affection.

Patton only smiled brighter patting his arm, “It’s alright kiddo. I love you too. I’m glad your alright too.”

Deceit smiled at that his snaked tongue hissing out a bit and he closed his eyes faintly showing he means the same back.

Logan came over and smiled again at Deceit, “Thank you for saving him… But!” He clapped his hands startling Virgil, “Whoops sorry V…” There was a shrug from the side, “But we need to start on these lights or no hot chocolate. So can somebody help me put the lights up there while somebody wraps some lights around the tree?”

They all start getting to work Virgil still not leaving Roman’s side even for a moment making some tasks difficult but they knew he’ll be like this. And in any case, it was rather quite cute in their opinions. They finished the lights without any further incident and without long last they ended up back inside, Deceit under a thousand blankets. They all shared at least one blanket each while they cuddled up together and sipping on some hot chocolate. Their cold skin getting warmer by the second and their hearts becoming fuller and that wasn’t caused by the chocolate.

[agustdomain]

Running Circles Through My Mind

Synopsis: You weren’t sure when he started to become a regular thought in your mind. It was subtle, yet inevitable. The only problem was perhaps the feeling wasn’t mutual after all.

Word Count: 12.7 k 

Genre: Best Friend!au, Angst, Fluff

Warnings: Language

Member: Jaemin, ft. the other Dream boys

“Hey! Hey you! I know you hear me calling you.”

You huffed underneath your breath, opting to raise the volume on your headphones instead. However, ignoring this particular friend never ended well, because he was the most persistent of them all. He proceeded to rip your headphones out of your ear, your annoyed glance meeting his equally frustrated one.

“Can I help you?” You groaned, reaching for them but with no success as he gave you an unimpressed look. You and Renjun were good enough friends to have learned how to communicate through facial looks, but more often than not you often found yourselves bickering for seemingly unimportant reasons.

“Why do you have to be so anti-social? You saw me walking over here. Who puts their headphones in when someone is approaching them?”

“I do.”

“Maybe that’s why you don’t have that many friends,” He grumbled, giving up by placing your headphones down and taking the seat across from you at the table. It was early morning, the air slightly brisk and the sun hidden somewhere in the clouds. You were midway through first hour, but luckily it was your senior year and you had miraculously managed to score a free first hour. Renjun happened to be one of the smartest guys you know, and had the smallest schedule possible, getting to leave campus around 2:10 in comparison to your 4:00.

“What do you want? You’re usually on your way to school at this time,” You mindlessly throw out there, sliding one headphone in your ear and leaving the other out to be courteous. You nibbled on an apple slice as you eyed your friend across from you.

You and Renjun had known each other most of your high school career. When you were tiny freshmen, you had a couple classes together, and rode the bus to and from school together. Your friendship really hadn’t sparked up until halfway through junior year, when you heard Renjun singing one of your favorite songs on the bus ride home. You don’t know where your spark of courage had come from, but at some red light you joined him at his seat- remembering his startled face still made you chuckle to this day- and said, “Seems to me like you might have some good music taste.” To figure out if that was true, you guys had spent the rest of the ride to his stop comparing artists you like. The rest was history.

Though you only had one class with him this year, you spent a chunk of the day missing him. You would never admit it to his face. But he was one hell of a friend.

“I want some acknowledgment once in a while. A text. A ‘How are you, Ren?’ I’m doing well, in case you were wondering.”

You just blinked at him, his antics not at all unfamiliar. After all, he was well known for his dramatic attitude, and it didn’t at all surprise you how he used to that to his advantage in the one class you guys had together: Theatre.

“No, but seriously. You never come this early. What’s up?”

He just sighed, looking around at the slightly vacant campus before slyly commenting, “I’m hanging out with some people this Friday and I was wondering if you wanted to join.”

“Ren, are you talking about that pizza place we were all thinking about hitting up?”

“You know about that?” He was genuinely surprised.

“I’m in the same group chat as you. And last time I remembered, we have the same group of friends.”

He rubbed his neck sheepishly before throwing out there, “You’re the least active person in the group chat. Don’t blame me for wondering whether or not you knew.”

“I have things to do. I can’t spam the group like Chenle and Hyuck half the time.”

“Okay. What do you have to do? Watch dog videos and talk on the phone with Lisa?”

“I don’t judge you so you don’t judge me, got it?” You pointed an apple slice at him, his hands raising up in surrender before losing your attention to your notebook. “So, why did you feel it was so important to come see me before school starts and tell me about this get-together.”

You glance up, not failing to see his little grin before letting himself hide it. He proceeded to announce in a funny voice, “I may or may not know that a certain someone will be joining us for the special occasion.”

“Spit it out. Come on.”

Renjun cleared his throat, pausing once more for dramatic effect. Just as you were about to reach across the table and grab him to shake some sense into him, he exclaimed, “A very tall and broodingly handsome guy who goes by the name Hyunjin told a little birdy he might be down to try a new pizza spot.”

Your eyes grew as wide as saucers. You spluttered, trying to form a sentence, but your mouth failing to work properly. Renjun stood up briskly, bowing as if he were performing before motioning as if he were quieting down an audience. “I know, I know. No need to thank me. In fact, I don’t even know how I did it. He’s usually so quiet in our math class. Kid barely smiles. Yet, when I see him with his friends he literally smiles like it’s a job. Anyways, he heard Mark and I talking about it in class and asked if he could come. Strange, right?”

“Are you messing with me now?”

“Nope.”

“You promise?”

“Geez. Ask Mark if you don’t believe me. You know he can’t lie for shit.”

“Ren,” You reached over, grabbing onto his arm aggressively. He gave you an annoyed look but didn’t say anything, “What do I do? I’m so embarrassing when I’m around him! I can’t go with you guys anymore!”

“Dude, relax. It’s not that serious. Just act like he’s one of us. Besides, I thought you said you were over your crush on him.”

You threw your head back, groaning in frustration. “Renjun! You’re so dense sometimes for being an actual genius! I had no choice. I approached him and literally embarrassed myself! He rejected me, remember?”

Renjun raised a finger in the air for his next point. “Technically he didn’t reject you.”

“He indirectly did.”

“No. He just told Mark, “Are you trying to set me up with one of your friends? Because if you are, don’t.”

“That’s telling me that I approached him for no reason and he let me down nice and easy before I decided to approach him a second time.”

“Okay. So what’s your point?” Checking the time on your phone, you just shook your head, feeling unnecessarily stressed about the entire situation. You could recognize that there was sense behind Renjun’s words. But you just couldn’t get your embarrassment out of your head. This was Hyunjin.

Hyunjin was a guy you hardly came across at school at all. In fact, it was your senior year and you only found out about his existence this year. He was cute, funny, and seemed quiet. Hence, why a pep talk from Donghyuck and Mark a few months ago had inspired you to approach him and ask him if he wanted to get to know each other better. He had agreed, and advised you to get his number from one of your mutual friends- which was Mark since they often did sports together- but much to your horror, only a couple days later, Mark had approached you and told you that Hyunjin had instructed him to stop trying to set him up with people he didn’t know. You were mortified, to say the least. A few months into the future, and here you were now, trying to avoid any interaction with Hyunjin at all costs.

Taking note of the bell ringing in under five minutes, you started packing up your stuff. Your silence seemed to tick Renjun off, and he childishly crossed his arms across the table. “So you’re telling me you’re going to handle this like a child and not come to hang out with your friends simply because you feel embarrassed?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying!” You stood up, feeling satisfied with that being the end of the conversation. Just as you waved at him and started to walk off to your class, you heard Renjun call, “We’ll see about that.”

Lunch rolled around that day, and you began to feel like this was the longest Monday you had ever experienced in your life. However, the last classes of your day were the most laid back- one of them being theatre- so you had hope that it would be more fun than draining.

“-And then I proceeded to whoop his ass in the next three rounds,” Donghyuck’s proud voice travelled over to your ears as you approached your signature lunch table. The way your high school was set up, half of the lunch seating area was in the cafeteria and the other half was situated outside under ramadas. Since freshman year, your group of friends opted to sit outside, no matter how hot or cold the weather could become.

“Dude, how are you going to sit there and lie to my face? You did not win those rounds in Mario Kart. First of all, who the hell plays with Koopa Troopa?”

“Me, asshole. And guess what? I kicked your ass with him!”

“Oh, shut up! I want a rematch as soon as possible-”

“Bring it on, wannabe wario-”

“Y/N! I’m so glad you’re here,” Lisa announced, drawing the attention of the others. She got up to hug you briefly before whispering, “I’m so tired of their arguments. They’re so ridiculous.”

“We can hear you, you know. We’re right next to you,” Donghyuck deadpanned, staring at her as he sipped on his chocolate milk.

She just rolled her eyes before patting the seat next to her. “It’s days like these that I wish we had classes together. Today is so long,” She complained.

You definitely agreed, reaching over and ruffling Jisung’s hair who grumbled and kept his attention on the game he was playing on his phone. “I bet this will be recorded as the longest Monday in the book of world records.”

“Hey Y/N. Where’s Ren? I need to borrow a dollar.”

“He’s working on a project in the library. He’s not eating lunch today.”

“Hyuck, you need to stop mooching off all of us. We’re not going to be around forever. Learn how to save money,” Mark pointed out, spreading ketchup across his burger. Donghyuck began scarfing down his fries, mulling over Mark’s words.

“I have money. I just leave it at home so I’m not tempted to spend it.”

“Then proceed to spend our money?” Mark amusingly said, shaking his head.

“It’s not like you guys tell me no.”

“He’s right,” Lisa said, shrugging her shoulders. Mark opened his mouth to speak, but decided against it. You just shook your head, slipping your headphones in and turning on one of your favorite playlists. You bobbed your head to the music, your thoughts trailing to other things, like a movie you recently watched and the cute boy you saw at the grocery store the other day. Your thoughts halted when you heard Lisa mutter, “Here comes lover boy and his princess.” The last word, she said bitterly, because as much as she pretended to be bothered by Jeno and his girlfriend, she actually found them adorable and just felt sad about her last relationship failing.

“Hey guys,” Chaeyoung said softly, waiting for Jeno to place his stuff down at the table before following suit.

“Hey Chaeyoung. How’s our boy doing? Is he being a pain in the ass like usual?” Donghyuck asked casually, smiling in the face of Jeno’s glare.

“You’re so annoying,” Mark commented loudly, his smile a contradiction to his words.

Chaeyoung looked genuinely confused, her eyes trailing to Jeno before looking back at Donghyuck. “No. He’s always kind and sweet to me.”

“That’s new.” Jisung speaks up for the first time, his gaze glancing up shyly over his glasses before returning to his game. Jisung was the youngest out of your group of friends, only a sophomore. It made you sad that he was going to be left here for two more years while the majority of your friends, including you, would be starting the next chapter of your lives in the upcoming months. At least he had Chenle for another year though, since he was a junior.

“Don’t listen to them. They just like to tease.” Jeno smiled at her sweetly, before shooting everyone a glare.

Lunch went on for a few moments in quiet chatter, everyone finishing up slowly and one by one. Jeno and Chaeyoung were lost in their own little worlds, Jeno taking the time to shower her in affection and spending almost every moment making her laugh. Donghyuck and Mark had their heads bowed together, looking at who knows what on Donghyuck’s phone and snickering here and there. Lisa would walk away from the table to go talk to other people then come back and talk to you for a little before heading to the vending machine and disappearing for longer than necessary. Jisung opted to read a book after getting bored of his game. This was your guys’ typical lunch routine.

“Where’s Chenle? And Jaemin?”

At the mention of Jaemin, your ears perked up, actually wondering the same as Mark about where he was at. You hadn’t seen or heard from him all weekend and was looking forward to seeing him.

“Chenle wanted to play soccer so he’s at the field right now,” Jisung quietly said, flipping a page from his book.

“I don’t know where Jaemin is. Y/N, do you know?” Jeno inquired. You two were the closest to Jaemin, so naturally one of you would typically know the answer to the question. However, you didn’t know either so you just shrugged. “He’ll show up eventually. That’s how he is,” Jeno said with finality before turning to Chaeyoung.

“Jaemin owes me a candy bar. He lost that bet on Friday, and I am expecting my damn candy bar-”

“Is there ever a moment where you’re not demanding something?” Mark said exasperatedly.

Suddenly, two hands covered your vision, and you reached up to feel them. They were soft and familiar, and you felt an uncontrollable smile grow on your lips. “Guess who,” a voice sang as you recognized it immediately. Even though he was trying to mask it by using some ridiculous high-pitched voice, you could recognize him anywhere.

“Nana! We missed you!” Donghyuck hollered, Jaemin’s presence instantly disappearing and you swiveled your head to catch him pushing Donghyuck’s arms off of him.

“Thanks, Hyuck. I missed you guys too even though I saw you this morning.” He looked down at you then, gracing you with a soft smile as he reached down and tugged your ear. That was his thing- or both your things. You don’t know when or where it started, but it was his way of saying he was happy to see you. It was never hard, only gentle, but it always made you happy when he tugged on your ear.

“Good to see your face. Today has been painfully long,” He muttered, taking the seat beside you.

“Aye. That’s Lisa’s seat.”

“You mean ‘Ghost Lisa’? Because I don’t see her sitting here now.” Jaemin silenced Donghyuck immediately, causing Mark to laugh at his priceless facial expression. You watched as Jeno and Jaemin did a handshake as a greeting, the latter flashing a friendly smile at Chaeyoung before turning to you. He raised his eyebrows at you before inquiring, “Why so quiet? You’re usually talking Mark’s ear off. Actually, I take that back. These days you’re as quiet as Mouse over here,” he gestured to Jisung by hooking his thumb towards him.

Jisung sent him an unamused look before returning his attention to his book.

You just shrugged. “Guess I’m not in the mood these days to talk.”

He furrowed his eyebrows, chewing the bite he just took of his burger before swallowing and saying, “What have you done to Y/N? You’re not her.”

You just tsked, pushing his head slightly before causing him to chuckle and shake his head. You guys sat in silence for a while, enjoying each other’s presence. Lisa came back, greeted Jaemin, then grabbed her stuff and went off who knows where. Since Jaemin was there, you didn’t really feel like listening to music anymore so you put your phone and headphones away, yet you still sat in silence.

You had known Jaemin the longest. You met him freshman year, and became friends within the three weeks you first met. He was so easy to get along with, at least you thought so. He was witty, but not in a rude way. He loved to make you laugh, and vice versa- and you two constantly laughed about the same things since you had a similar sense of humor. He was shy once in a while, but vocal about his opinions when the situation called for it. He had a way of being attentive that it felt intimate, like there was no one around but you when you were talking. He was amazing in every sense of the word, and just like Renjun, you missed him like crazy when he wasn’t around. Without him, these last four years would have been one hundred times worse.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked, his eyes flickering to you before returning to his yogurt he was currently eating.

“You,” you calmly voiced, his eyes widening at the one word. You watched as his face flushed, as he spluttered, trying to gather his words coherently. You relayed it back to how you must have acted this morning when Renjun had told you Hyunjin was joining your friends on Friday to go eat.

You reached out and squeezed Jaemin’s forearm gently before adding, “Relax. I was just thinking about what you said the other day. When you mentioned going on a small trip with your family. Like camping, right? Is that still happening?”

Jaemin had taken the time you were speaking to pull himself together, returning to his normal self. You oddly found it super adorable how randomly flustered he had gotten. He was the most composed guy you knew, at least majority of the time. “Yeah, that’s still happening. I’m leaving school early on Friday to hit the road. I sort of don’t want to go, but oh well. I’ll be back by Tuesday.”

“You’ll have fun. Don’t be bummed out.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Jaemin scraped at his yogurt cup, his thoughts overtaking his mind, it seemed, before he checked his phone and cursed. “I need to go see my counselor. I’ll see you in class, okay?”

He gathered his stuff quickly before saying goodbye to everyone and leaving. It was just like him to see his counselor every waking moment he got, and you envied how dedicated he was to the task. College was nearing in the future quicker than you would like to admit, and though you were practically jumping with excitement for graduation, you still felt the inevitable goodbyes starting to weigh on your chest. But you had almost an entire semester left, and you were going to cherish what little time you had with your friends until you went your separate ways.

“Hey, so who’s going on Friday?” Jeno said, glancing around the table. “If anyone needs it, I’ll pick you up.”

“Aren’t we going straight after school?” Donghyuck asked, confused.

“I don’t know. Who planned this?”

“Chenle.”

“And of course he’s not here. Okay, so who’s riding with me to the pizza place?”

“I will,” Donghyuck said, then added, “Lisa probably will too. Jisung, what about you?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” He quietly said, turning to you, “Are you coming, Y/N?”

“Um,” You said, looking for the words as everyone’s gaze turned to you.

“What do you mean, ‘Um’?” Donghyuck sassily asked, raising his eyebrow as if he were your mother accusing you of lying.

“I don’t think I am.”

Mark immediately looked concerned, knowing you never liked to miss out on hanging out- when pizza was involved, it was most definitely a yes from you. “Is it about money? I got you covered if it is.”

“No! It’s not that… I’m just… not feeling it?”

Everyone grew quiet, gazes being exchanged between everyone.

“What?” You asked, looking around and feeling as if you missed something.

“You? Not feeling pizza?” Jeno offered, with no emotion laced into the words.

“You’re lying. Tell us the truth,” Mark announced.

“Is Mark pissing you off these days? Is he annoying you? Because I understand then if that’s the reason you’re not going- Ow! Mark, that hurt!”

“It was meant to hurt, dumbass! Cut it out! You’re not even funny! Y/N loves me! Right, Y/N?” He said the last part, sounding hopeful and a little self-conscious.

You shook your head and said, “It’s nothing like that. And of course I love you, Mark. I just... Got a lot going on. I’m tired and I want to take the weekend to de-stress.” You’re not necessarily sure why you didn’t tell them it was because you were embarrassed that Hyunjin was coming, because you knew Mark would more or less understand and Jisung supported mostly everything you did. And you knew Jeno would probably brush it off, leaving Donghyuk to make fun of you. But you just couldn’t bring yourself to explain the situation. And the only ones who technically knew about it were Renjun, Mark, and Jaemin.

“Well, if you change your mind, let me know,” Mark said seriously before smiling and proudly saying, “Besides, we all know it’s going to be lit in my car if it’s just Chenle and me.”

“Excuse me while I go barf,” Jeno said. Mark threw a carrot at him, causing you to laugh and allow your thoughts of your embarrassment fade away.

It was your final class of the day, and you had to admit, it indeed was the longest Monday you had ever had. Of course, you were being dramatic, but now you were tired and grumpy and your last class happened to be math, your least favorite subject. However, the upside was one of your favorite people happened to be in this class.

See, you had depended on Renjun to make your class right after lunch fun, but he spent  whatever chance he got to pester you about coming on Friday, which in turn made you snap at him and cause him to give you attitude back. Eighth hour dragged on too, and here you were at your last class. Your class with Jaemin.

“Hey,” Jaemin’s bright smile directly contrasted with the tone of the day, his eyebrows raising at your grumble in response. You slid into the desk next to his, your head finding its way to the cool desktop. “You’re looking rough.”

“Because I am. Today sucked. And we have four more to go until the weekend.”

“Think of it as three. Friday never really feels like much work, does it?” You moved your head to rest your cheek on the desktop, so you could view Jaemin instead. He was looking right back at you, his pretty features quite literally knocking the breath out of you. You couldn’t fathom sometimes just how beautiful this guy actually was, and whenever you pointed it out he would just brush it off. Watching you silently for a moment, he proceeded to make a silly face and cause you to laugh, adorning a smile to brighten up his facial features.

“Attagirl. That’s better. What’s got you so down?” He asked genuinely, leaning on his hand and turning on that attentive charm that secretly you were a sucker for; you didn’t know how he did it, but he was another shade of what it means to be a friend. A beautiful friend.

“I don’t know. First off, it’s a Monday. Mondays tend to suck,” Jaemin simply hummed in agreement, “And school’s been kinda rough in general anyways. I just keep having this sinking feeling that somehow I am going to mess everything up, fail every class, my college retracts my enrollment, and then I drop out and get a job where I miserably work for the rest of my life,” You took in a deep breath after that statement, feeling oddly relieved for expressing what sounded like a ridiculous worry.

Jaemin took in your words for a moment, the minute bell ringing signalling there’s one minute left until class begins. He reached over then, gently caressing the side of your head before patting it and saying, “Y/N, I know how you are. You tend to get caught up in irrational worries. I know you’re struggling with classes right now, and I see how much your stress is taking a toll on you. You probably think no one notices, but I do. We all do, but everyone else probably won’t say something until it’s too noticeable. I’m not like everyone else though.”

He leaned closer then, your heart suddenly stopping as you unconsciously held your breath, not expecting his close proximity. His head was tilted at an angle to match your resting head atop the desk, his facial expression more serious than you’re typically used to, and his eyes immediately drew you in- not that you weren’t listening before.

“You’re one of the most resilient people I know. Don’t forget I’ve known you for four years, seen you when you’re struggling with stress and schoolwork. And you always pull through. This time isn’t any different. Keep your head up and keep it on straight,” He proceeded to tug on your ear and flash you a gentle smile, your throat suddenly feeling dry at his actions, “We’re almost at the finish line. Before you know it, we’re going to be graduating and moving on. And I know you can’t wait, because I can’t either.”

The bell rang then, seeming to signal the end of the conversation and begin your teacher’s lesson. You raised your head and directed your gaze to the teacher at the front of the classroom, your attention nowhere near the math she was writing on the board. Because for whatever reason, you couldn’t describe why your heart was racing and your throat felt so dry.

“I must be going crazy,” You whispered, feeling uneasy at the thoughts surrounding Jaemin, and why your heart reacted to that. In the end, you just decided to ignore it.

After the bell rang, Jaemin walked you down the stairs and to Chenle’s locker, waiting for the latter to meet you there and walk to the bus with you guys. You guys stood in silence, but it was comfortable as he looked around at the people walking by and you scrolled through social media on your phone.

“I heard from Ren that you’re not going to eat pizza on Friday. That’s not like you,” Jaemin said with innocence. You stopped scrolling, not feeling the annoyance that came with Renjun’s pestering. You blamed it on Jaemin’s tone and the way he executed his sentence, not because it was Jaemin himself. Definitely not because it was just Jaemin.

“It is like me. Because I plan to binge-watch some criminal show and eat ice cream for dinner.”

Jaemin tilted his head, looking at you curiously before retorting, “Yeah. I suppose you’re right. You want to tell me the reason you don’t want to go?”

You sighed. “You already know why. You don’t have to play innocent.”

“I’m not playing innocent. I don’t know your reason why. Yeah, I heard what Ren thinks is the reason. But I want to hear it straight from your mouth. And you know how he is when it comes to explaining things that upset him. It’s more complaining than about the actual situation.”

You leaned your head back on the locker you were standing in front of, cursing Chenle for walking so slow and probably chatting up Jisung about some show they’re both watching.

“Do I have to?”

He looked away from you, quiet for a moment before saying gently, “Of course not. But I think there’s more to your side of the story. And maybe you’re not as dramatic as the situation is painting you to be.”

You had to admit the situation did seem dramatic, and Jaemin wasn’t one to sugarcoat how he looked at a situation. So you decided maybe it was a good idea to confide in him and see if he thought you were overreacting. “I’m sure you know that Hyunjin is tagging along,” You waited for his nod before continuing, “Which, I mean, is totally fine. I have nothing against him personally. It is a little weird to me considering Ren and Mark don’t know him too well and just decided, ‘Hey. Let’s invite a stranger to hang out with our friends.’ But I mean, I guess Mark does know him because they played basketball and baseball together. Whatever. Point is, I have nothing against the guy. He seems cool, I guess. I just…”

“I’m assuming this is about what happened a few months ago?”

Your phone dinged, and you looked down to see a message from Chenle letting you know he was riding with Jeno today to run some errands. You let Jaemin know and you guys began your walk to the buses, replaying his question in your head before answering. “Yes. I guess that’s really it. Look, I know it might sound like I am being a big baby about it. I’m choosing my embarrassment over hanging out with my friends. But if I could control my emotions, I would. Before I approached Hyunjin in the past, I used to never see him around. And now it’s like life is messing with my head. Because I see him everywhere around school now. And he seems to recognize me too, but I just ignore him and try and get far as quick as possible. The embarrassment is unreal.”

Jaemin nodded as you talked, and you took his silence as a comfort, causing you to feel comfortable enough to continue. “I could go out with them on Friday. But I would just feel self-conscious, and worried Hyunjin would bring it up and then embarrass me more. Then Donghyuck would find out and never let go of it and I just- I don’t want to deal with it.”

You let yourself end there, because you didn’t know what to say anymore. It was quiet for a while, the bus stop nearing as you wondered what Jaemin was thinking. You peaked at him, his dark brown hair resting on his hair in fluffy strands, looking particularly bed-headish today. You took note of his slightly tired face, and wondered how he could be so lively on days where he was tired.

“May I tell you what I think is actually the problem? And you can correct me if I’m wrong.”

His words caught you off guard, not sure where he was going with this, because after all you didn’t feel any other way about it. At least, you thought. You motioned for him to continue, him proceeding to nod and collect his thoughts before continuing.

“I think… You might still like Hyunjin. Or, have a crush on him is probably a better phrase,” You gave him an incredulous look but he held a hand up as if to to signal for you to wait, “And that’s probably why you feel so passionate about not going. I know how you are. If a situation affects you emotionally, you will retract yourself from said situation. Simple as that. If you didn’t care about it, then you wouldn’t go to the extremes of being so adamant about not going.”

You immediately shook your head. “But it’s not because I’m still crushing on him. It’s because I’m-”

“Embarrassed. Yeah, I get that. But you have been embarrassed all the time around us and that has never stopped you from hanging out with us.”

“I don’t personally know this guy though. What if he brings it up in front of everyone?”

“What if he does? It’s not like you made a fool of yourself. You told him if you wanted to get to know each other. He said yes. Then he went back on his word and told Mark to not set him up with anyone. That’s on him. Why are you letting a stranger hold you back from hanging out with your friends?”

“And why is everyone pestering me about going? It’s not that serious.”

“Exactly.” He poked your temple, causing you to swat his hand away and that familiar smile to creep on his face. As you reached the bus stop, you turned to him and met his gaze, his eyebrows raising as if to ask you a silent question. He broke the silence instead, letting you know what questioning thought was plaguing him. “So you don’t like him then?”

“No.” In your head, it had sounded firm, but it sounded unsure coming out of your mouth. His face became serious, and it weirded you out, because he was usually smiling. It gave you an odd feeling in your stomach.

“If you do, there’s nothing wrong with it. It would make more sense, because then the embarrassment would be justified. And if that’s the case, then you should explain that to Ren so he stops being so annoying. You should also consider maybe going and showing this Hyunjin guy what he decided to miss out on. You’re pretty amazing, after all.” His words were nonchalant, but his face stern. That feeling that crept up on you earlier in class started to come back again, and it almost felt similar to being sick in a weird way. Your stomach flipped, watching Jaemin drone on about the situation, his words hardly registering in your mind anymore. Your throat felt dry again, your eyes traveling the expanse of his straight nose, following his dark and very slightly curved eyebrows. His hair was a bit on the messy side today, which was unlike him, but you disregarded that. He was truly beautiful. “Y/N? Are you listening to me?”

You blinked, the feeling fading away as quickly as it came.

“I hear what you were saying,” It wasn’t a complete lie. “And I guess you’re sort of right.”

“So you do like him,” He tilted his head, his eyes trailing to the pavement beneath your guys’ feet. His words sent a panic fleeting through, jumping to deny it.

“No, Jaemin- I can’t like him. I don’t even know the guy. Gosh, this is so frustrating. Why do I have to keep having this conversation? I thought you were the person that understood me the most. Don’t you think I would tell you if I actually liked him? If it’s so important for everyone that I show up on Friday, I will.”

As if on cue, the bus turned the corner and slowly made its approach.

Jaemin opened his mouth to speak, but you held your hand up, wanting the conversation to end. “It’s okay, Jaemin. You and Ren are right. It’s not that big of a deal. I’ll just pretend that nothing happened and I’ll pretend I’ve never talked to Hyunjin before Friday. It’ll be a fresh start.”

He just shook his head, a sigh of exasperation slipping past his lips. “You’re missing the point here. Of course.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? The vibe I’m getting from you is that I’m being dramatic and I should get over it and just go on Friday.” The bus rolled up then, and you were never more grateful than now. Just as you turned to climb into the bus, you caught Jaemin motioning by waving his hand over his head and uttering, “Went right over your head, of course. Unbelievable.”

And as you boarded the bus, and took your seat, watching through the window as he stalked off in the direction of his house, you couldn’t shake the nasty feeling that was left behind by the conversation you just had. And on your ride home, it was Jaemin on your mind. Unbeknownst to you, it was not the first time he was plaguing your thoughts. You couldn’t shake whatever it was you were feeling, all you knew is you didn’t like how you and Jaemin had ended off the conversation. Because that wasn’t how you guys were at all. And you hoped it wouldn’t start being like that. You were proud of your dynamic with Jaemin, and it wasn’t like you guys to end a conversation on a sour note. But maybe you were overthinking it. Maybe you were always overthinking about Jaemin, and you just didn’t know it.

It was around 11:30 that night when you received a text from Jaemin. He was saved under Minnie Mouse, because you thought you were clever as a Freshman and you never changed it considering you enjoyed how it made Jaemin cringe.

Minnie Mouse:

Hey. You up?

You:

You know I am. I’m watching a show on my phone. But I am surprisingly getting sleepy. It’s so early tho…

He didn’t respond for a few minutes. You shook the feeling off, and tried to focus on your show, but you immediately clicked the notification when he responded almost fifteen minutes later.

Minnie Mouse:

I’m sorry about earlier. I was being really intrusive, which isn’t like me. I stand by some of what I said, but the way I worded it was bad. If you don’t want to go, don’t go. Don’t listen to Ren, and don’t listen to me. I understand what you meant by everything you said, and if it were me, I’m sure I wouldn’t want to put myself in that situation either. Remember not to put your life on pause though based on your embarrassments. If that is the only thing keeping you from going, then think about it a little more before outright rejecting the idea. But you’re one of my best friends, and I don’t want you to be miserable on Friday. Again, I’m sorry.

You read it over a few times, feeling anxious for some reason. Your eyes skimmed it, continued to re-skim it before trying to type out a response. However, everything you tried to write didn’t sound right or it was awkward, so it took some time to eventually be semi-satisfied with what was written. You sent it and tossed your phone to the side, wondering why you kept replaying that moment with Jaemin earlier. Seeing his frustration. Being the cause of his frustration. You didn’t like it at all. You liked making him smile, making him laugh. You even liked seeing him flustered during lunch. You didn’t ever want to be the reason behind him being upset. You reached for your phone slowly upon hearing it vibrate.

You:

You don’t have to apologize, Jaemin. You were being yourself. You were curious about why I was being so dramatic. And everything you said made sense. Though I don’t agree with everything you said, you had a point. I did a lot of thinking since our conversation earlier. And I’ll go on Friday. I think even without talking to you, I might’ve reached this conclusion myself. Maybe I wouldn’t have… you tend to be my voice of reason when mine isn’t working. I think I just needed to take a moment and get over my embarrassment.

You:

Honestly, it was months ago. I’m sure he doesn’t even remember. And if he does, it’s not a big deal. And I do want to have pizza. I want to hang out with my best friends. I’ll just treat him like one of you guys. Be friendly. And there’s no reason for me to halt my chances of having fun just because of a cringey moment in my past. Thanks, Nana. Sometimes the sense you knock into me is one of a kind <3 Ren definitely would’ve just made it worse haha

Minnie Mouse:

It’s what I’m here for, to knock some sense into you.

Minnie Mouse:

But honestly, don’t force yourself to go if you don’t want to. What you want and what makes you happy is the main priority.

You:

This will make me happy.

Minnie Mouse:

Good. I want you to be happy.

You stared down at his text, your fingers hovering over the screen. You licked your lips in thought, wondering why you felt stuck at his words. In fact, you hardly ever had a conversation with Jaemin where you didn’t know what to say. Conversation always flowed naturally with him. Today really must have been an off day for you.

You:

Likewise, Nana. I think I’m going to get some shuteye now. Goodnight. Sweet dreams.

Minnie Mouse:

Sweet dreams, Y/N.

You prepped for bed, replaying the conversation in your head. You thought back to today in class, when Jaemin heard what you thought were ridiculous worries, but made you feel sensible. He comforted you about worries you never voiced aloud. He said what you needed to hear, and he was always good at that. He smiled his dazzling smile at you, granting you a stress reliever by the simple tug of your ear. He was incredible in every sense of the word, and you were so grateful to have him.

As you laid in bed, the last thing on your mind was Jaemin. You were too tired to notice, or perhaps it was something you never bothered to notice at all.

A couple days later, it was Wednesday and it was the dead middle of the week. A day that your friends sometimes like to utilize as an excuse for desserts after school.

“Hump day!” Chenle hollered, pumping his fist into the air as you all walked towards the parking lot.

“Hell yeah! I’ve been craving a banana split all week,” Donghyuck groaned, dragging his feet.

“You’re a banana split,” Chenle called back to him.

“That doesn’t make any sense!”

“Okay, who’s riding with who?”

“I’m going with Mark!” Chenle declared, dashing over to the passenger side of Mark’s small little white car.  Jisung silently followed him.

“Ride with me and Jeno?” Jaemin asked you quietly, his arm falling across your shoulders. You froze, instantly stiffening up at the gesture. You gazed up at him, a small smile curving his lips and his eyes as attentive as usual.

Your throat felt constricted for a moment, before you felt your body relax and a smile grace your own. “Of course. Is that even a question?” Something strange happened then. Jaemin’s small smile faded, his face taking on an odd look. You didn’t realize your close proximity, but his face was closer than you expected. You waited for something, anything from him, but only watched as he wiped the odd look off his face and turned his attention to Jeno, shouting at him to hurry up and kiss Chaeyoung goodbye already. His arm was still slung around your shoulders. And you found yourself too lazy to look away from his face. At least that’s what you thought.

“Hey. I’ll ride with Jeno too. So go with Mark, Ren.”

“No! I was already here!” Renjun said sassily, leaning back on the car to make a point. Lisa stepped toward him and crossed her arms. That didn’t faze him, however, and he only proceeded to straighten himself out. Their height difference was very slight, but Ren still managed to make himself seem taller as he looked down at her over his nose.

“I don’t care if you were here already. I want to ride with Y/N.”

“No one’s stopping you.”

“It would be crowded with you in here. So ride with them.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were my boss.”

She rubbed the bridge of her nose, sighing in frustration. “Why do you have to be so annoying all the time?”

He grinned. “The feeling’s mutual.”

Jaemin shook his head and stepped in, placing a hand on Ren’s shoulder. “Dude, just ride with Mark. Before you kill the vibe for everyone.”

“What?! How am I- Whatever. I don’t have the time for this,” He strode over to Mark’s car without another word, sliding into the backseat. Both you and Jaemin watched as Mark pulled the car out, Chenle rolling the window down and blasting the music, shouting, “Y/N! This is my jam! This is the song I was telling you about! I- Stop, Ren! Anyways-” By that time, Mark was pulling out the parking lot and he couldn’t shout at you anymore.

You smiled fondly, shaking your head and glancing at Jaemin who was watching you with an emotionless look. You just brushed it off, wondering where Jeno was. Lisa must’ve been wondering the same thing because she continuously kept on calling him, with no luck in him answering.

“Literally all the guys we hang out with are so frustrating! If it’s so hard for him and Chaeyoung to stop sucking faces, then bring her along!”

Jaemin responded with, “I’m not frustrating. I’m the coolest guy you’ll ever meet.”

“Sure. Keep dreaming, sweetheart,” She said.

“Wonder what’s bothering her,” Jaemin uttered near your ear, his breath fanning over your ear and over a sliver of your neck that your sweater left exposed. You looked up at him, watching him as he watched Lisa with curiosity. You started to notice just how much you stared at Jaemin these days, and you didn’t know what to make of it. You just wrote it off on being attentive to him constantly talking.

“There you are! Let’s go! I want a burger.”

Jeno jogged over, whistling and smiling like the giddy lover boy he was.

“I’m surprised your lips aren’t back with Chaeyoung,” Jaemin commented, causing you to laugh. He shot you a smile, but Jeno wasn’t too happy with the comment, leaving Jaemin locked outside the passenger seat for longer than necessary.

The ride there was relatively quick, but Jaemin kept stealing glances at you, a smile on his lips every single time. Lisa and Jeno filled the silence with their chatter and endless banter, but it was like you and Jaemin continued to have a silent conversation of your own. Whenever Jeno would say something that could have a double meaning, Jaemin would glance back at you with wide eyes, as if to say, “Did you catch that?” and you would shake your head and smile as if to say, “I did. And it was hilarious.” And if Lisa would say something weird or more than unnecessary, he would send you a, “Did she really just say that?” by raised eyebrows or a pointed look. And you would either shrug, shake your head, or just rub the side of your head in mild annoyance. But none of those moments were your favorite, no. It was the brief quiet moments. With soft music playing low on the speakers and floating in the air of the car. And the A/C blowing softly, to keep it cold enough that you weren’t freezing in your sweater. And there wasn’t any reason for Jaemin to look over his shoulder at you, but he would anyways. He would just send you a soft smile, his eyes light and carefree. The last time he looked back, when you were nearing the diner where you were to get your desserts, his lips weren’t curved with a smile. His expression wasn’t serious, but it was attentive as usual. However, it wasn’t like it usually is. He eyebrows were slightly drawn together in thought, his lips a bit pursed. His eyes scanned your face, before his lips parted and his expression relaxed. When his eyes came to rest on your own, he was shameless about his staring, and for some reason you weren’t bothered nor embarrassed. You boldly met his own gaze, holding it and letting the music travel to your ears.

No one spoke in the car. Nothing was heard but the soft music and the soft blow of the A/C. And you and Jaemin were having a conversation in a language you couldn’t decipher, but couldn’t get enough of as you let the moment wash over you. None of you couldn’t find it in you to look away, and it felt more intimate than any other time you guys held each other’s gaze. You didn’t know what it meant, but you knew that whatever it was, you wanted more of it.

Jeno spoke to Jaemin, and Jaemin answered him, glancing at him briefly before looking back at you. His eyebrows drew together again, his face more on the stern side, which was unlike him. You wondered what you looked like to him. Jeno continued talking to him, and Jaemin had no choice but to look away. And when he did, it was like you could breathe again. All you could think was, you didn’t know why you were feeling this way for Jaemin, and you didn’t know what you were going to do.

Thursday night. It was around midnight this time when you got a text from him. Lucky for him, you were wide awake. And you didn’t want to admit to yourself that it was because he was plaguing your thoughts.

Minnie Mouse:

You awake?

You:

Of course. What’s up?

Minnie Mouse:

Wondering why I procrastinate like an idiot. I’m nowhere near finished packing for my trip tomorrow.

You:

Sucks to suck.

Minnie Mouse:

Haha. Real funny. Want to keep me company?

You stared down at the text, confused. Another text came in from him though, and it made more sense, a smile uncontrollably reaching your lips.

Minnie Mouse:

By video call, I mean.

You:

Warning, I look pretty rough. After 11, I start resembling a hot mess, instead of the solid 11 that I am.

Instead of responding, you figured he signed into his account on his computer, so you followed suit. Sure enough, after you logged in you saw the little verification that showed he was online. You called him, waiting for him to answer, which didn’t take long whatsoever.

You waited for the call the connect, your heart rate picking up for seemingly no good reason. You glanced at yourself, seeing how tired and messy you looked. But this was Jaemin, and he had seen you at both your best and worst. When the call connected, you first noticed how his room was lit up by the light being on. His computer was set on top of his desk, which basically let you see a poster-clad wall that also had award plaques and shelves with books, trophies, and other things lined at the top of the wall. You could see a slit of his bed to the left and a small percentage of his walk-in closet that was cracked open with the light on in the back right corner. You always adored seeing his dark blue walls, longing for the same color to be for your room. Instead your room was a boring and dull brown.

The second thing you noticed was how even though it was late, Jaemin looked good. His hair was swept up and off his forehead, sticking up here and there in odd places but mostly in order. He was adorned in a slightly baggy black t-shirt and some gray sweats. He was leaned down in view of the camera. He smiled upon seeing you and waved, then started to move around his room, carrying things from out of view towards his bed.

“I see you at least started the process of packing,” You said, carrying your computer to your bed and treading over to your lights, hitting them, before walking back to your bed. You sat on top of your comforter, watching him move in and out of view. You spent some time in the dark using the computer screen’s light to study your nails. You altered between watching Jaemin and letting your thoughts occupy your attention. A chunk of your video call was just spent in a comfortable silence, with an occasional comment from Jaemin here and there. You enjoyed this, and you liked this time with Jaemin. As selfish as it sounded, it wasn’t often that you got to spend time alone with him. So you were going to drink it in as much as possible. It was because you enjoyed your talks with him, not because you were into him. That’s what you were telling yourself.

You glanced down at your pajamas, pulling your black hoodie sleeves over your hands

to keep them warm. You started getting sleepy, but blinked it away. You wanted to keep Jaemin company through the tedious process of packing. So you moved around on the bed, switching positions. You eventually decided on drawing your knees into your torso and wrapping your arms around your legs. You laid your head on top of your knees, slowly falling asleep.

“Y/N,” Jaemin sang, your head slowly raising and spotting his facial features close to the computer. You didn’t understand how he looked so rejuvenated as his face brightened at the sight of your face. “If you’re sleepy, you should get some rest.”

“I want to keep you company, Nana.”

He looked down in what you thought was shyness, a shy chuckle falling past his lips. He ran his hand through his hair, puzzling you immediately at how good he looked this late at night and how you never noticed that this hairstyle fit him so well.

“As much as I want you to be here with me, I don’t want to be the reason you’re falling asleep in class tomorrow.”

Your breath felt like it disappeared into thin air at his words, but you shook it off and blamed it on sleepiness. “No, I’m good. I promise.”

He just took a moment to look at you, before resting his head on his hand and puckering his lips slightly in thought. “Let’s talk then. If you’re going to stay up with me, I don’t want you to be miserable as you fight off sleep. I want to make your night.”

He said things so innocently, yet they held such strange meaning to you that you just knew would replay over and over in your mind long after the conversation ended. Something about Jaemin was changing the way you looked at things, that way you looked at him. Or maybe you always did look at him this way, it just took a bit of time for your mind to catch up to your heart. Whatever it was, you knew you were going to keep it to yourself.

“Okay. What do you want to talk about?”

Jaemin simply smiled again and the continued his packing, calling out, “So are you looking forward to tomorrow?”

“What about tomorrow?”

“The new pizza place. Hanging out with everyone.”

“Oh. That.” You actually hadn’t thought about it much, and looking back on it, you were only a little nervous to say the least. You would’ve felt way better if Jaemin was going to be there, but you would live. You figured you would just spend your time talking with everyone. “It would be better if you were going to be there. But I’ll survive. I hope the pizza’s good.”

“I heard it was,” Jaemin was quiet for a moment, and you just figured he was distracted but upon speaking again, you figured it was because he was probably thinking of how to word his next question, “So you’re feeling okay about Hyunjin being there?”

You rubbed your hands in thought, massaging them as if they held the answer to your question. Your heart jumped as you heard Jaemin zip up his suitcase then move it to the floor. You waited for him, letting him finish things before turning out his lights and getting into bed like you.

His surroundings were shrouded in darkness, his face lit up by the computer screen. You couldn’t decide if it made him look angelice or eerie, but when he graced you with another smile, you decided it was definitely angelic. He was on his side, his head in his hand. And you realized you indeed were screwed, and you were definitely crushing hard on your friend Na Jaemin.

“So. Hyunjin?”

“Right. I mean, I guess it feels just like it did right before I first approached him the first time.”

“Oh. Really?” Jaemin asked quietly, his face serious.

“Of course, it’s a little different. Considering I’m not showing him my interest in him. It just feels a little nerve-wracking.”

“I would feel the same. It’s not everyday your closest friends invite someone who you used to have feelings for.”

“That’s true.”

You basked in silence for a moment, both you and Jaemin looking at each other through the computer screens. Although you guys were a distance away from each other, in different houses and merely seeing each other through the use of technology, the moment felt as intimate as the one in the car. Maybe even more so now that Jeno and Lisa weren’t around.

“You know,” Jaemin’s voice got quieter, and you may have imagined it being a little more deeper than usual, “You run through my mind. A lot.”

Your heart rate picked up, gauging his facial expression for any signs of joking. Your mind was racing, trying to decode his words, figure out his angle, read his intentions. But it was late at night, it felt wrong to kill the moment by overthinking, so even though you may regret in the future, you decided to let the late night tired buzz take over and let you speak your mind without holding back.

“I’m glad I’m not the only one.”

He hummed, his eyes getting sleepy and his words becoming more like a lull. “It’s hard not to think about someone like you.”

You felt like your appearance directly mirrored his, but you wanted to soak in his peaceful features, so through your sleepy daze, your eyes did its usual sweep of his facial features. You thought to yourself how could you possibly not be head over heels for this guy.

“Who wouldn’t be crazy over you?”

His eyes were closed now, his breaths deep and slow. You thought he fell asleep, so you slowly moved your mouse to hover over the end call button. Just as you were going to click, you heard his soft and sleepy voice mutter, “Wait for me, Y/N.”

“What do you mean?” But he was out like a light. And you were too tired to demand an answer. So you ended the call and went to sleep.

You didn’t know what was so different about this particular Friday, but the feeling in the air was vastly different from how you felt on Monday. This day, you felt warm, filled up, and every smile felt effortless. You were dressed nicer than you normally would be at school- nothing too fancy, just a white shirt, black jeans, and your favorite boots with a jean jacket to complete the ensemble. You were wearing a necklace Renjun bought you back at the beginning of the year and your hair was up, which was unusual for you. You even had some light makeup. Your friends would probably assume it was for Hyunjin when he would come out to eat with you guys. It wasn’t for him though. It wasn’t even for Jaemin. It was for yourself.

You felt wide awake when you woke up in the morning, a feeling so foreign to you. A smile graced your lips as you picked out your outfit, as you proceeded to get ready. You were in a good mood on the way to school, when you got there, and when you sat to eat breakfast. You were happy through your morning classes all the way to lunch. And maybe it was a little because of Jaemin, but it was mostly because it felt like some weight that was previously on your chest had disappeared. Or so you thought.

“Woah, someone’s looking fancy today,” Chenle commented when you walked up with your lunch.

“Are you dolled up for someone?” Mark inquired, his curiosity imminent as he glanced up from his applesauce.

“No. Just in a good mood. That’s all.”

“Is that so? That’s weird. You’re the grumpiest person on this Earth.” Donghyuck said, earning a punch from Jisung. You smiled at Jisung before shooting a glare at Donghyuck who only muttered under his breath,

“Hey. When does Jaemin leave for his trip?” Chenle asked the table. “We have class before lunch together and he was still here.”

“He’s getting picked up right now during lunch. I’m sure he’s going to say bye then leave,” Mark informed the table. And he was right- to an extent.

Shortly afterward, Jeno and Jaemin approached the table, both their faces oddly serious. It was so strange to see not only Jaemin, someone who genuinely smiles a lot, but Jeno, the prince of smiling, with no emotions flitted across their face. Jeno had food in his hand, but you assumed Mark’s assumptions were right because Jaemin was empty-handed.

“We were just talking about you! Are you leaving now?” Chenle asked, getting up and hugging Jaemin as a form of greeting.

“Yeah, actually, I am. I just came over here to say goodbye.” You were hoping he would do his usual routine of smiling over at you and tugging your ear, but you immediately knew something was wrong when he avoided looking anywhere in the direction of where you sat at the table.

He looked painfully gorgeous today. His hair was swept up and off his forehead once again. He was wearing a button up striped shirt, the sleeves rolled up like he didn’t know the air had a chilly bite to it. It slightly confused you that he was dressed like that when he was going to camp, but you dismissed it as his outfit for school.

Everyone simultaneously stood up and began saying their goodbyes, you hanging back a little bit to be the last one to say goodbye. You were worried about the way he didn’t look at you when he approached the table, but you figured it was because his mind was on the trip, not you. You watched as he had a little chat with Mark and they clasped each other’s hands, doing a one-handed hug. Mark said something to make him laugh, but you didn’t catch what he said.

Jeno was the last one to go before you, Jaemin’s expression becoming serious again. Their voices were low, and their conversation was brief, but they still hugged. You let Jeno move to sit before you took a step in Jaemin’s direction. Hiis eyes found yours for a brief moment, his lips pursed, before he began walking backwards in the direction of the office. You froze in your tracks, your mind going blank as you realized he was leaving without saying goodbye to you. He waved slightly at you guys, hollering, “See you guys Tuesday!”

Your eyes stared in the direction he left, still staring long after he was out of view. Your friends were quiet, obviously noticing what had just occurred. You found it difficult to turn to face your friends. You told your throat to stop feeling so tight, your eyes to stop being so sensitive, and you pushed it all down. Your friends know you a little too well. As you turned to them, Mark immediately said, “I’m sure he was just in a rush, Y/N. He wouldn’t do that on purpose. Especially to you.”

But you knew better. You knew Jaemin. It was what he didn’t do that mattered. And you knew that it was completely intentional.

The moment had come, the day you had been dreading and looking forward to all at the same time. Since lunch time, you hadn’t really felt like yourself, but you pushed it all to the back of your mind and anticipated going home later that night and crashing.

Like Friday, you were walking toward the parking lot for Jeno’s car. You were accompanied by Ren and Chenle, and they were chattering about something that happened in class earlier on, but you weren’t paying attention. You couldn’t help it, but whenever your mind trailed, your brain decided to torture you and replay what happened with Jaemin during lunch.

It was so painfully obvious what it meant, and how it conveniently happened the day after what you guys had said sleepily on the video call. Not only did it hurt, it made you angry that this was the way he was addressing what you both said. You deserved more, and if he truly decided to be rude about it, then so be it. You weren’t going to let it bring you down.

Reaching the parking lot, your heart uncontrollably jumped at the sight of Hyunjin standing at Mark’s car. His stoic gaze traveled over to you and the guys, and thankfully there was no sign of recognition in his gaze. Chenle bounded over, thrusting his hand out to greet Hyunjin. You watched their exchange, and watched as Hyunjin laughed over something Chenle said. He looked nice when he laughed. You shook off the thought before getting into Jeno’s car and waiting for the rest of the night to unravel, a certain boy running through your mind.

Through the car ride, you noted how Jeno was unusually quiet, and not his usual smiley self. You connected how he was acting with the way he was during lunch and made a note to ask if was okay later, before letting your mind wander elsewhere.

Eventually you reached your destination. The pizza place, not cleverly, was called Peek-a-Pizza, and was not necessarily impressive in appearance. It was small and didn’t look busy at all, which was weird since it was relatively new, but none of that fazed you or your friends as you entered.

You quickly found a booth, your heart literally jumping to your throat when you were second to last to slide into the booth and it left Hyunjin to be the one on the outside, right next to you. You had to admit, he looked as handsome as you remembered. His hair was as dark as ink and laid across his forehead in a oddly neat way for appearing a little messy. His face was quite intimidating when he had no facial expression, and past you would have been fawning about how potentially hot he looked. He was dressed in a baggy black long sleeve and ripped black jeans. You watched through the corner of your eye as he fiddled with the shaker that held Parmesan cheese. He twisted it in his hands, his eyes trailing around the small establishment. Suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, his eyes found the side of your face, no expression hidden in his features whatsoever. You tried calming down your racing heart, thankful that your expression was fixed and calm. Your eyes met his, just as silent as him and waiting for his reaction.

He just snickered before looking away, leaving you perplexed and turning away. As you waited for your pizza, you chatted with Lisa and Chenle who sat across from you. Hyunjin and Mark talked mostly to each other while Jisung sat on the other side of you, which caused you to naturally strike up conversation with him.

Everything was running smoothly so far. The food arrived, and it didn’t disappoint as you all dug in, feeling hungry and satisfied with every bite. Conversation only sparked up again after people started not feeling hungry anymore. As you were grabbing another slice, your ears perked at the mention of Jaemin’s name from Donghyuck’s mouth. You hadn’t caught the beginning of the conversation, but you froze in the middle of biting your pizza when you heard what they were actually talking about.

“No, me too. I’m surprised too.” Donhyuck exclaimed, quieter than usual.

“Especially Jaemin. You know how he is. His focus is school or Y/N,” Renjun said casually. You made it seem like you weren’t listening, your head facing Lisa and Chenle, but listening on the other boys’.

“I think it’s good for him. He needs to get out there and experience life already. We’re about to graduate, and honestly I’m all for it. Dahyun is a pretty girl. And she’s funny. I think she’s perfect for him.”

“I just didn’t see this coming. I thought he told you just last week that he wasn’t interested in dating Dahyun,” Donghyuck asked, a tinge of disbelief in his tone.

“Well, his feelings must’ve changed. I’m telling you what he told me, okay? I just gave him her number and he went on his merry way. He didn’t really give me details. He just said, ‘I thought about what you said. I think I’ll go on a date with Dahyun.’”

“What about…” Renjun didn’t finish his sentence, but you felt like you were going to throw up when you saw him flicker his eyes towards you to indicate who he was talking about. Immediately their voices lowered, as if you weren’t sitting at the same table as them. You felt like you were going to cry, and you felt pathetic, but you just sat there and tried to pull it together.

“What about her?” Jeno asked.

“Come on, dude, it’s obvious. Even I see it, and I’m me,” Donghyuck offered up.

“I don’t think it’s what he wants. And her either. They’ve been close this long and nothing’s happened. He can’t wait on her forever, and the same goes for her. Maybe they’re just meant to be friends.”

You heart felt like it was ripped out of your chest by Na Jaemin, and you willed yourself not to cry like some heartbroken fool in front of all your friends. You were stuck, frozen, as you tried so hard to think about something else and not let one single tear fall. The sound of Hyunjin’s voice called your attention.

“Why did you never reach out?”

“Huh?” If he noticed your red eyes and slightly quivering lips, he didn’t say anything, and you silently thanked him as he regarded you with an emotionless look.

“You asked me if I wanted to get to know you. I agreed. And I told you to get my number from Mark. But I never got a text.”

You were blown away, absolutely astonished that he had the audacity to play oblivious. And you were already not in a good head space, so you couldn’t prevent your face and tone from hardening. “Are you seriously asking me that?”

“Does it look like I’m joking?”

“You told Mark you didn’t want him meddling in your life.” “I did.”

“So there’s your answer.”

“I didn’t tell him to not give you my number though.”

You blinked, not realizing your voice slowly began to raise, “I’m sorry, but you don’t get to play dumb in the situation. Whatever game you’re playing at, I’m not interested.”

You realized that the rest of the table had fallen silent, but you didn’t care. You opened your mouth to speak, but Hyunjin smoothly exclaimed, “Let’s talk outside.”

“Why should-”

“Because I think you need it,” He said it low enough for only you to hear. And you realized that he was indeed saving you from embarrassing yourself even further, maybe possibly even crying and making your friends upset. So before you knew it, you were stood outside with Hyunjin of all people.

You were facing the side of his body, your tears immediately falling without a foreseeable end as he kept his gaze trained ahead. He was quiet, letting you cry it out until you felt like you could calm down and stop crying. Your crying eventually turned into sniffling and then silence. It was only until there was complete silence that he spoke.

“Feel better?” He looked over at you, his face as emotionless as ever. He stood stock still, which would’ve been unsettling if it was anybody but him. It was so fitting for him. He was definitely an enigma in terms of his physical appearance.

“No.”

“Crying is usually a hit or miss when regarding your emotions.”

“Why did you help me back there?”

“I could see you were trying hard not to cry. I assumed it was because you didn’t want your friends to know. So I thought of what I could say that could get you to come ‘talk to me.’ Bingo, bringing up the big elephant between us was the answer.”

You don’t know how you managed, but you laughed at his words. He stared at you, a small quirk at the side of his lips before his deep voice filled the slowly darkening sky. The sunset glow naturally fit his facial features, but did not suit the persona he was putting up.

“You don’t have to force a laugh if you’re not happy.”

You nodded, turning your body to face the same direction as his body. You both looked out at the mostly vacant street. It was peaceful, and it was odd that out of all moments throughout the day, the moment you felt at most ease was standing with Hyunjin alone in some parking lot.

“This is odd. But not bad.”

Hyunjin quirked his head and had a grin on his lips, showing his amusement. “That’s definitely how I would describe myself.” You laughed again, glancing over at him and catching a small smile before it disappeared. Without looking at you, he said, “Whenever you’re ready, we’ll go back.”

“Okay.”

You don’t know what spurred you on; maybe it was standing with Hyunjin and being surprised that he isn’t who you expected him to be, or it was the conflicting emotions that filled you to the brim, but you impulsively pulled out your phone and typed a text that you knew Jaemin would only get when he would have service on Tuesday.

You:

Falling for you was my mistake. It’s best we forget what was said last night.

His response came sooner than you had expected- two days earlier to be exact. You came to the conclusion that he came back a day earlier, which meant that he saw your message earlier than you anticipated. On Sunday night, when you were laying in bed and heard your phone buzz, a part of you knew it was him. There was no one else who would reach out to you this late but him. You collected your thoughts as you stared into the darkness of your room, ignored your racing heart, and reached for your phone. Your assumption was right, the name Minnie Mouse lighting up your screen. Wordlessly, you clicked on the notification and read the message.

Minnie Mouse:

I’m sorry you feel that way. Thursday was… something else. But I agree It’s for the best that we forget Thursday night.

You shook your head, a painful laugh falling from your lips. You choked back your tears, wondering why you were so sad and getting angry because of it. You felt childish as you changed his name to Jaemin in your contacts, the first time in four years that it was touched. As you laid in the darkness, you couldn’t help but feel as if something had shifted between you and Jaemin. And it wasn’t good, it was the exact opposite of what you wanted. It felt like a piece of you had run off, and all you could do was sit there and put a brave face on for the spiraling situation. You were angry, because you were sure he was calm and over at his house, falling asleep without you in mind. And the saddest part was, even after what was said and done, and even though you were upset at the one person you didn’t want to ever feel this way towards, he was still running through your mind.

Falling for him was your mistake. A mistake you would secretly have to live with as he brushed it off like it was nothing.

>>> Next part <<<

[atlasllm]

Wizard101 stories to celebrate

Since I’ve had quite a few years on Wiz101, I thought I’d share some stories from my past years of playing the game!

 As a beefy life Wizard, I helped some guy defeat The Harvest Lord(?) in Triton Ave. After the fight though, the guy asked me to be his girlfriend in a... very Extra sort of way for an MMO. I was nine at the time so I technically couldn’t say anything out of fear I’d get banned for being too young to play so I just agreed. Except I ran away and never spoke to him again, whoops

I took the Kembalung Village Quest probably 3 years ago and still haven’t done it out of fear it’s too high a level for me. It’s still in my quest log. I also got a quest from Moolinda Wu for a level 60+ life pet but I’m unable to complete it because I haven’t done Wintertusk and would rather do so after completing Zafaria 8(. I still even have the Yarbirds quest from when I first completed Grizzleheim. Help me

Me and my sister, back when we played Wiz together, both got the Penny Dreadful quest as noobs and were both horribly devestated because we couldn’t get into the Dark Cave to get her. Luckily, my sister made a Wiz friend who teleported her there and we both completed the quest after ages! 

When I was younger I absolutely ADORED the unicorn pet, first because I was the typical “OMG OMG UNICORNS!!11!1!” kinda girl and eventually it was because I got obsessed with the Life Wizard aesthetic. I ended up making gijinkas of my unicorn (and future unicorns!) and ended up drawing a bunch of them as sort of OCs of mine! I had Princess Mocha/Luna, Prince Sparky, and the two Nightmare pets I always wanted and got a short while ago, Princess Roxy and Prince Max!

Fairly recently I decided to do a Mount Olympus run, and as luck would have it I was the only girl in a group of guys. I was ALSO the HIGHEST leveled Wizard, as all the guys were no more than 1900 health and I was there with 3200+. While this was okay, I liked helping people and playing support on either Olympus or Loremaster runs, ALL of the guys wanted to take on that secret boss in Eris Goldenapple’s arena. Needless to say, it was HELL. Each of us, me included, had to keep teleporting back with potions again and again as three noobs and a life wizard slowly chipped away at his health. Surprisingly enough, we managed to get out alive! But one dude crashed at one point, and another one simply left instantly (I don’t wanna jump to conclusions but I kinda assumed the dude was younger and got yelled at by a parent for being up at 2am). As tired as I was, I pulled through for the last dude and completed Olympus with him! He even thanked me over and over again for staying with him, cause at one point I had to leave Zeus’ battle to use a potion but still came back. It was kinda fun to be in a group of chatterboxes and be the highest level in the group, heh! I’d... rather not do the secret boss with lower levels again though. Shit was hell.

Shit always happens in Olympus runs? One time I got trapped with a low level Storm Wiz, and I kept having to heal and reshuffle her D: she was a good player since Storm is pretty OP even as a low level, though it made the Ares fight take hours! Another time in the Ares fight I jokingly said “No please I have a wife and children” and one of the dudes said “But you’re a girl XD” in response. I never felt more lesbian rage in my life. I shut up though since I don’t think you can actually say “I’m gay” in chat so >8(

The only Wiz friends that I’ve been close to that AREN’T IRL people were both named Amanda, Amanda and Amanda Pixieshard. Pixieshard was a long time friend, and got so excited when she was back online again! Amanda also invited me to house parties, and introduced me to most of the crowns shop houses! Alas, both of them aren’t in my friends list O_O I was either not active enough or they deadass saw through to my childishness 

I only found out how to properly strategize in battle in Wizard101 after watching Blaze Lifehammer videos in 2016, so that’s fairly recent. I didn’t realize feints were absolutely 100% useful and that TC blades and enchants were also helpful as well. I also didn’t know that gear could help you in battle, I always just bought any gear from the Bazaar that gave me the most health boost. I may be in Zafaria. But I am still but a noob in battle.

I’ve had the same house, one of the Wizard City basic houses, my entire Wiz career. I want to switch houses at one point but I haven’t found anything as comfy (or affordable) as my current one D: 

I would be NOTHING without this one Christmas. One of my gifts a good few years back was a giftcard for Wizard101, one that helped me GREATLY into continuing to play the game again. I’ve been living off giftcards ever since, and I absolutely adore being able to play Wiz (even if it’s cost me... quite a bit...) I’d grinded from level 12 to level 14 just from the free Wizard City areas, and I’m so happy that the giftcards had helped me be level 65 in Zafaria!

[acidwaste]

hey so it seems i’ve forgot to do a l o t of tag memes, and i’m lucky i drafted a big bunch of them! lots of questions overlapped so i did my best to answer in different ways, sorry for the lateness! also @ the people that tagged me here, i wouldn't hesitate to kill for you

@natcaptor / @gayspaced

name: leon or lionel!

nicknames: literally the only nickname I’ve been referred to is “big gay” and like. word!

gender: im pretty sure im a guy, i have been kinda 🤔🤔🤔 abt my gender identity since around november-ish though

star sign: sagittarius!

height: 6’1! i’m told that I’m tall but my uncle is 6’7 so...

time: 3:36pm rn! ive been watching video essays and binging music all afternoon

birthday: december 9th!

favourite bands: animal collective, beach house, camp cope, car seat headrest, death grips, fleet foxes, florence + the machine, gang of youths, glass animals, gorillaz, hop along, iceage, idles, kero kero bonito, mgmt, miike snow, modest mouse, run the jewels, superorganism, the avalanches, the cat empire, the go! team, the mountain goats, the wombats, xiu xiu

favourite solo artists: alex lahey, anderson .paak, ariana grande, billie eilish, bjork, cashmere cat, charli xcx, courtney barnett, cupcakke, d.r.a.m, eric taxxon, frank ocean, gfoty, hatchie, janelle monae, jeff rosenstock, joanna newsom, jorja smith, jpegmafia, kacey musgraves, kali uchis, kendrick lamar, khalid, kimbra, lorde, mac demarco, madeon, mick jenkins, mitski, oneohtrix point never, perfume genius, ravyn lenae, rina sawayama, serpentwithfeet, sophie, st. vincent, sza, vince staples

song stuck in my head: caramelo duro | miguel // kali uchis! its a bop, miguel is one of the few singers that can convincingly make sex jams

last movie i watched: deadpool 2! it was even better than the first, which is a feat in itself ngl

when did i create my blog: december 2016??? i only started using it properly in february last year tho

last thing i googled: “im in my mums car broom broom.” dont @ me

do i have any other blogs: yeah, plenty actually!! i have blogs for aesthetic (@moltenstar), general inspo (@wverns), flight rising (@szarising, kinda inactive?), and overwatch (@blackhardts) tbh the vast majority of my ‘sideblogs’ are just saved urls H

do i get asks: when i say stupid shit like “rung has the ass of a dilf but the dick of a cockroach”

why i chose my url: that one panel where kobd have a vacation at the acid wastes because fuck its finally canon babey!

following: 1,767, which is kinda horrifying!!

followers: 890?? somehow??? thats almost One Whole Thousand and i don't even make content

average hours of sleep: around 6 or 7!! n e v e r more though

lucky number: 43 and 64!!

instruments: i'm too poor to afford music lessons or instruments jsbddsjknfs

what am i wearing: a grey shirt and nothing on my bottom half so my [redacted] is hanging tf out, i should put on some damn clothes

dream job:  oooo uhhh, i’m studying to get an education degree rn because i’d love to teach children (around grade 3-4s preferably because i'm too jittery to handle anyone younger and older kids probs won't listen to me as much as i lack plenty of assertiveness), but!! i’d honestly love to be a musician, one of those underground ones that get lots of critical acclaim

dream trip: one day i wanna gather up some friends and just go on a road trip! idm where we go to, as long as we just have fun and just! adventure!

favourite foods: rare steak, mashed potatoes, eggs, and energy shakes made with like. fruit / cheese / yoghurt / oats / chia seeds ! protein is a large part of my diet

nationality: new zealand, but living in australia

favourite song right now: best part | daniel caesar // h.e.r - gosh i need to re-listen to daniel’s album again, i don’t remember this beautiful song being there and that’s a crime

@damndesi / @novarebel / @luciform-philogynist

APPEARANCE - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo (but I am getting a tā moko in December, I believe) - I have at least one piercing (planning to get a nose ring, like a bull!) - I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair - My abs are at least somewhat defined (b a r e l y) - I have or had braces

PERSONALITY - I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know - I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY - I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping (barely) - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory - I am good at doing math in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority - I do some form of Martial arts

EXPERIENCES - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol (tastes like shit) - I have scored a winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event - I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have visited another country - I have been to one of my favorite bands concerts

MY LIFE - I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend - I live relatively close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling - I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smart phone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS - I am in a Relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a Relationship - I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily - I have had a crush for over a year - I have been in a relationship for over a year - I have had feelings for a friend

RANDOM - I have break-danced - I know a person named Jamie - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone (do fractures count?) - I have eaten a waffle today - I know what I want to do in life - I speak at least two languages (not fluently) - I have made a new friend in the past year

@smstransformers

age: 16

birthplace: auckland, nz

current time: 4:19 pm rn!!!

drink you last had: i just skulled half a liter of water whoops

favourite song: jesus etc. | wilco if we're talking abt an all-time favourite

grossest memory: accidentally swallowing a bee when i was seven years old (somehow nothing bad happened?)

horror, yes or no: not unless it’s an incredibly tame horror t b h, my threshold for scariness is very low

in love: i believe so!

jealous of people: lots of times, over really dumb things

love by first sight or should I walk by again: i believe that infatuation can exist at first sight but true love not so much. wish that could happen tho :C

middle name: shane!

siblings: my sister is eight years old, and my brother is seven!

one wish: EZ, make my anxiety disappear, i’d have a much more productive life

song i last sang: jupiter | haiku hands

time i woke up: 7:13, woke up immediately because i usually like to wake at 6:30

underwear colour: blue + purble

vacation destination: auckland / kingston / sydney!

worst habit: not remembering to make my goddamn bed, it looks like garbage

favourite food: mashed potatoes….

zodiac sign: sagittarius !!!

@alyonian

relationship status:

at the moment i’m single! and while being in a relationship sounds brilliant, the last two relationships i was involved in? didn’t work out to say the least, lucky i’m still young

favourite colour:

it’s been emerald green for the longest time but orange seems to be dethroning it at a steady pace

lipstick or chapstick:

i haven’t used chapstick since i was six but i probably should use it again, water is my substitute rn fdghdgh - and i haven’t ever used lipstick in any capacity? so i’d have to go with the former

last song i listened to:

the space traveller’s lullaby | kamasi washington - i’m trying to get through his second album rn (i left off on the second disk yesterday) and while everything he makes is undeniably amazing, it’s? a three hour album? i don’t have the attention span for his spiritual jazz, as great as it is

last movie:

monsters inc is playing on the television right now, i’ll go with that! the animation aged kinda badly but it’s still such a fun movie! sidenote: james p. sullivan? a childhood crush, so this gives me memories

top 3 tv shows/podcasts/comics:

i rarely, if ever, venture into these forms of media but! if i had to answer, i’d say;

unbreakable kimmy schmidt / parks & recreation / luke cage

taz / mbmbam (i havent like. watched a full episode of either but they seem cool,)

tf idw / …………. yeah that’s it, i’ve never read anything else. probably should!

additional favs:

my friends, writing (in theory), listening to video essays, learning music theory + instruments and understanding audio production software

top 3 bands / artists:

HHH okay if i had to limit my choices to just three artists, uh. lorde, the mountain goats, and sophie. i couldnt even fit janelle in i hate th is

----------------------------------

@alyonian

color(s): light colors are always nice and pleasant, though anything peachy and sandy are the best! orange (specially pastel orange) is like. the best thing

last band t-shirt i bought: usually merchandising is very expensive and i dont have the money to accommodate that, but like. i do recall having a wiggles shirt when i was five. i wore it all the time, shjdjgsksd im sure that counts

last band i saw live: i almost went to splendor in the grass last year with family, which wasn't only cool since i’ve never been out of the state since i immigrated - the festival was in queensland, which is around a two hour flight from victoria - but the lineup was pretty fuckin lit too! the xx, haim, peking duk, tash sultana, future islands, vallis alps, a.b original,, i was p excited! unfortunately my uncle fell ill and so they had to give the tickets to extended family :( otherwise, i haven't been to a single concert in my life

last song i listened to: street fighter mas | kamasi washington - up to this song on the album and i really fuckin dig this! also the video is hypnotizing

last movie i watched: monsters inc is about to finish and up next is monsters university! which like…. honestly, this is an extremely unpopular opinion but, i like it just as much as the original? my opinion might be skewed because i’m a monster [hugger], but i like everything abt the movie! except for the finale of the scare games and the last five minutes of the movie, both were just. dreadful.

last three tv shows i watched: if aggretsuko counts that’s the last series i watched of my own volition, which is a miracle in itself considering that’s legit only the second anime i’ve watched to completion (the first being shirokuma cafe, which i probably need to re-watch). otherwise, the last two shows i had beared witness to were thirteen reasons why and queer eye bc my cousin put them on! that first show i could completely do without but queer eye is iconique

last 3 characters i identified with: grimlock (legit. all of them), urdnot grunt (mass effect) and vector the crocodile (sth), i’m not sure what this says about me other than Big

book(s) i’m currently reading: i’m reading ‘maus’ by art spiegelman at the moment, for the third time i believe? i believe my classmates are supposed to be writing an essay on this next term and shit, this novel is heartbreaking, i haven't been this emotional when reading a book than… ever, really. it’s a recommendation of the highest caliber

@victorion

name: leon / lionel, i picked up the second name because i was in a server with an admin that was also a Leon™

nickname: besides ‘Big Gay’ i also have the nickname ‘lemon lion’ which is! nice!!

zodiac sign: archer man

height: Tall™

language(s) spoken: english / some maori + italian

fav fruit: watermelons (only when in season)

fav scent: the smell of a freezer tbh? it just smells Nice i don’t know how to properly explain it

fav season: spring! the breezes are welcoming without being overbearingly freezing

fav color: ornge,,,,

fav animal: SHARKS + CROCS + FERRETS

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: tea! with some milk tho

average hrs of sleep: too little

fav fictional character: One character?????? uhhhhhhh……. like. biggest cc right now is either idw skids or oz from monster prom

no. of blankets you sleep with: depending on my mood but i’d say the average is like, 3??

fav songs: i quickly whipped up some songs i listen to

fav artists: i came to the realization that i like acts that are considered ‘bad’ like maroon 5/drake/lil yachty etc in specific doses… i wouldn't call them good yet, but! i have no beef and thats good

fav books: remember ‘where the wild things are’??? that shit was like. literal childhood, man.. :happytears: i really need to look for a copy again

@thonany-klieme

name: leon / lionel, interchangeable really

gender: male, im probs an nb guy

star sign: sagittarius!

height: 6’1

sexuality: gay??? im not sure, im mostly attracted to other guys but i have had very brief crushes on girls + nb people? sexuality’s confusing so im gonna just latch to the gaybel (gay label) for now

lock screen image: its the album cover of 1992 deluxe by princess nokia, tho it was “T Hanos” a few days ago since i change it often - my home screen is venom but his torso says ‘fuck machine’

ever had a crush on a teacher: no??

where do you see yourself in ten years: ideally i’m teaching kids math n english, realistically i’m probably going down with the political climate

if you could go anywhere, where would you go: new zealand!! or the netherlands

what was your favorite halloween costume: halloween is not big at all where i live, the only time i tried trick or treating was when i was like 7?? i threw a bedsheet on myself and pretended to be a ghost, though since there were no eyeholes + the sheet was blue, it looked more like i was just a moving lump

last kiss: never had one

have you ever been to las vegas: nah and i dont plan to?? how do you handle regular days of 40C wtf

favorite pair of shoes: i have this pair of jandals that ive worn for a fair bit longer than my other pair of shoes, tho i only wear them in summer + very warm nights

favorite book: ngl its. ‘the very hungry caterpillar’ by eric carle. i just, love it alot and i cant explain w h y

[a-splash-of-stucky]

I Know This Game | Eight

Pairings: Bucky x Foster!Reader 

Summary: In which you and Bucky sit down to have the conversation you’ve been needing to have for a while.

Warnings: Language, brief mention of vomiting, sad!Bucky, mentions of sex

Notes: FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS. It’s an angsty ride to the end, it is. Fic inspired by ‘Eyes Closed’ by Halsey.

IKTG Masterlist

You’re absolutely floored. Completely speechless. You’re half-tempted to pinch yourself, to check if this is another cruel dream concocted by your overworked mind. Of all the people to run into right now, the universe just had to give you James Bu-fucking-chanan Barnes. Whoop-de-doo, your good luck never ends.

The silence seems to drag on forever. In the end, it’s Bucky who makes the first move.

“Y/N?” Bucky asks tentatively, as if worried that you’re some sort of apparition, or something. He takes a step towards you, expression very much like a deer caught in the headlights, hands outstretched in a non-defensive gesture. “Wha—what’re you doing here?”

You cross your arms over your chest and arch one eyebrow. “I could ask you the same thing, Bucky,” you reply coolly.

Bucky winces at your tone, painfully aware of the fact that the two of you are probably not the best of friends, right now. He chooses his next words with caution, not wanting to aggravate you further, because he’s not exactly sure what kind of mood you’re in. 

“Well, I—I couldn’t sleep,” he says, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly, “So I decided to go for a walk. And…I guess this is where I ended up,”. Bucky stretches out his arms and gestures around the park. He exhales nervously, “I hadn’t realised that I got so far from the compound,” Bucky admits, a timid smile playing on his lips.

You purse your lips, but otherwise don’t give him any indication of what you’re feeling. Truth be told, you’re still in shock — you cannot believe that Bucky Barnes is standing in front of you, in the flesh. Once you’ve got over most of your initial surprise, you force your jaw to work, your lips to shape the words. “I couldn’t sleep, either, actually,” you tell him, “I was—I kinda wanted to talk to you. Wanna go grab some coffee?”

Bucky looks at you like you’ve just spoken to him in Ancient Greek. If his eyes weren’t wide and filled with wonder before, they certainly are now. He blinks a couple of times, as if to shake himself out of his stupor. “I—y-yeah!” he stutters, “Yeah, yeah that’d be great! How—where d’you—I mean—,”.

“There’s a 24/7 diner around the corner,” you interrupt, gracefully swooping in to save him from making a fool of himself. Bucky flashes you another one of those timid smiles, and, though it is a mere ghost of what his really happy one looks like, it manages to melt your heart a little all the same.

“Yeah, doll,” Bucky murmurs, motioning for you to walk ahead, “That’ll be real nice. You lead the way,”.

The two of you walk side by side, in a surprisingly not awkward silence. You catch yourself sneaking glances at Bucky out of the corner of your eye when you think he isn’t looking. It’s still pretty dark out, so you can’t make out his features very well, but you manage to catch a brief glimpse every now and then, when the pair of you pass under a streetlight. You swear that his face looks more gaunt than it used to. The stubble on his jaw is scruffier and thicker, which actually tells you a lot about Bucky’s state of mind.

When you were dating him, you used to use the amount of facial hair he had as a sort of ‘mood gauge’. The longer he voluntarily went without shaving, the worse of a mental state he was in. Bucky had a tendency to neglect his self-care when he retreated from the world. Your makeshift meter had always proven to be pretty darn accurate.

When you arrive at the diner, Bucky — like the 40’s gentleman he is — holds the door open for you. It’s a cozy little place, if a little dingy looking. You know that the owner, Scott, is trying to save up some money to spruce the place up, but for now, customers have to put up with the faded tiles, suspiciously-stained seats and faintly musty odour. At least the food is decent enough to make up for the decor. The only other patron in the place tonight is a woman wearing neon pink earphones and reading a newspaper in the corner booth at the back, a mug of coffee in front of her.

Scott waves at you from behind the counter, where he is currently drying glasses with a tea towel. “Y/N!” he calls, “Nice of you to stop by!”

“Heya Scott,” you greet, shooting him a smile, “Business a little slow, tonight eh?”

He shrugs as if to say, nothing new there. “Not much I can do about it, can I?” Scott says, “Go ahead, sit wherever you want, I’ll get you some menus in a minute, yeah?”

Beside you, you can sense Bucky agitatedly shifting his weight from foot to foot as his eyes dart around the room. You know how antsy he gets when he goes to unfamiliar places, so you put your hand on his forearm to calm him down. Bucky startles at your touch, but his expression soon softens when he realises what you’re doing.

“Where d’you wanna sit?” you murmur, knowing it’ll give him a peace of mind if he gets to decide.

Bucky goes for the table you thought he might pick; near the front, so that the two of you have some distance between Scott and Newspaper Lady, and right next to a window, so he can keep a watch outside. He chooses to take the seat facing the door and you sink into the chair opposite him. Scott comes over and hands the two of you your menus.

Now that you’re inside the diner, you realise how famished you are. The hunger pains have been gnawing on your stomach for a while, now — ever since you threw up what little food you had inside you after that nightmare — but your body must have tuned out the signals, as your mind was preoccupied with other things. Nearly everything on the menu looks enticing. Your stomach lets out an impatient growl.

Bucky is flicking through the menu, a mildly alarmed look on his face. Extensive options can still make him feel anxious, as his brain gets easily overwhelmed by all the prospects. “If you want something filling, I’d go with the fluffy pancakes, maybe with sausages on the side,” you say gently.

He looks up at you through his lashes, a grateful smile lightening his features. “Yeah? What’re you getting, doll?” he asks.

“What I always get. Chocolate chip pancakes and a coffee,” you reply smoothly.

Bucky snorts in amusement. “You and the fucking chocolate chips,” he mutters.

You wag your index finger at him and narrow your eyes in mock anger. “Don’t you dare insult my chocolate chips, Barnes,” you growl quietly. Bucky’s eyes widen in terror and for a minute, he looks like he might actually fall for it, so you waggle eyebrows playfully to put him at ease and he actually chuckles.

“Okay, okay, chill out,” Bucky says, holding his hands up in surrender, “I know better than to get in the way of you and them,”.

“Good,”.

This is what you miss, you realise. The easy back-and-forth between you two, the amiable banter, the friendly insults, the ability to make a conversation about literally anything last for hours and hours. Despite having not talked to each other in over half a year, not to mention the fact that you parted on less than amiable terms, you fall back into your old routine with surprising ease, as if nothing had ever happened.

When Scott comes by to take your order, Bucky goes with your suggestion and gets the fluffy pancakes with a double helping of sausages. He takes his cap off after Scott leaves, setting it on the table beside him, before raking his gloved metal fingers through his hair.

“You been eating okay, Buck?” you ask softly.

He freezes and looks at you guiltily, like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar. “No, guess I haven’t,” he mutters embarrassedly. A part of you wants to lean over and hug him, maybe shake him around and mother him incessantly, demand that he takes better care of himself. Instead, you settle on scowling in disapproval.

With an apologetic shrug, Bucky goes back to fixing his hat hair. He’s grown his dark locks out since you last saw him; they almost reach his shoulders now. Huffing impatiently, he pulls a simple black hair band from his wrist and pulls his uncooperative hair back into a low, messy bun. You have to smother down a smile at how frickin’ innocent it makes him look.

Under the bright yellow glow of the overhead fluorescent lights, you’re able to study him better. Bucky’s hair is not just longer, but also scragglier and somewhat…greasy? Like he hasn’t washed it properly in a while. Bucky’s face is indeed more haggard, the eyes sunken in and ringed in dark circles, those beautiful cheekbones now more prominent. His jaw, as you’d noted earlier, is left unkempt and covered in thick stubble, and even his skin looks more sallow, unhealthier than you’d like it to be. All the evidence of self-neglect leads you to draw two possible conclusions. He’s either a) just come back from a really long mission, during which he had no time to take care of himself or b) really been struggling to cope without you. 

The desperately love-struck fool inside you dearly hopes it’s the second reason.

“So how’re things at the compound?” you ask, hoping that it’s an innocent-enough question to break the ice.

Bucky’s left shoulder hitches in the way you’ve learnt — over countless therapy sessions — to interpret as nothing’s changed much. “Pepper’s brought in this guy, Dr Banner as our new on-site psychiatrist and — well, he’s great, but he ain’t you, y’know?”

You level an unamused glare at him. “Don’t, Bucky. Trying to guilt-trip me won’t make things any better,”.

He grimaces apologetically, “Sorry. Didn’t mean to,” he mutters.

A tense silence passes, the two of you just trying to assess the other person. Bucky is idly picking at the fingernails of his right hand, brow furrowed and jaw tensed. “Doll, I have so many things I gotta tell you,” he says slowly.

The moment he speaks, you feel like a lightbulb suddenly goes off in your head.

“Hold that thought,” you say sharply, holding a hand up to stop him in his tracks. Bucky’s mouth snaps shut and he levels you with a look of mild confusion. You reach into your back pocket and pull out your phone, bringing up the ‘letter’ that you’d written him earlier. You skim over a few of the paragraphs, chewing at your bottom lip as you mull over whether or not you actually want to give this to him. You haven’t even read it all, and it probably won’t make a hell of a lot of sense to him. Besides, there’s a lot for him to take in — what if he gets confused?

Then again, there’s a lot of things you want to say, and most of it’s already been written down.

“Doll?” Bucky asks, breaking you out of your reverie, “What is it?”.

You decide to bite the bullet. With a deep breath, you spin your phone around and hand it over to him. Bucky’s uncertainty only deepens as he accepts it. He frowns as he looks at the screen, “What is this, sugar?”

You swallow nervously and look down at your clasped hands. “So…I told you I couldn’t sleep, right? I—well, I had a lot of things on my mind. So, I decided writing some of it down might help,”. You laugh weakly, and jerk your chin towards your phone, “And that’s what came up, I guess,”.

Bucky’s eyes widen in surprise — it seems that you’re giving him a lot of surprises tonight — and his thumb hovers over the screen, hesitating. “So—you want me to read it? All?” he asks, voice slightly incredulous.

“Yeah,” you shrug, “A lot of the things I wanna say is on there, so it’s a good start, right?”

He nods, chewing his bottom lip pensively. “I dunno if I can read it with you here, doll,” Bucky says shyly, a little blush colouring the tops of his cheekbones.

“Oh, right, uh…” you look around the room, wondering what you could do to disappear for a bit and give him some privacy. To be honest, you don’t want to watch him read it, either. “How ‘bout I go to the bathroom for a bit? And I’ll catch up with Scott, too?” you suggest.

Bucky smiles at you gratefully, “Yeah, that’d be great,”.

You get out of your chair and are about to slip past him when Bucky catches hold of your sleeve. “You’re coming back, right?” he asks, a note of desperation in his voice. “I got so much I need to say to you, please don’t leave before I say it all,” he pleads.

Your heart softens at his panicked look and, running completely on instinct, you caress his cheek with the tops of your fingers. “Of course I’m coming back, love,” you murmur, stroking your thumb over his cheekbone, “I won’t be a moment,”.

Almost unthinkingly, he nuzzles his cheek into your touch, eyes fluttering shut on instinct. He turns his face into your hand and presses a gentle kiss to your palm. Immediately though, he freezes and his eyes flash open. Bucky pulls back with a sheepish grin on his face, “Sorry,” he mumbles, “Don’t think we’re there yet,”.

Bucky looks somewhat appalled by his actions, so you give him a small smile to ease his nerves. “I’ll be back in a few,” you tell him, as you turn sharply on your heel and stride to the back of the diner.

You dawdle in the bathroom, trying to waste as much time in there as you possibly can. You’re not entirely sure how long it’ll take him to read everything you’ve written — mostly because you yourself don’t even know how much you wrote — but you imagine he’ll need some time alone to process everything. Once you’re done relieving yourself, you come out of the stall and wash your hands in the sink. When you catch your reflection in the mirror, you let out a soft groan.

To say that you look like shit is probably a euphemism.

It’s very apparent that you’ve had one hell of a day. There are dark bags under your bloodshot and red-rimmed eyes, your hair is a ratty mess and your skin has a sickly pallor to it. You look like you could do with about a thousand years of sleep. With a resigned sigh, you turn on the tap and scoop some water in your hands to wash your face with. The cold water instantly makes you feel more alert. There’s not much you can do about your hair, so you settle on raking your fingers through your locks, trying to tame the stray strands as best as possible.

Scott is busy mopping behind the counter when you go back outside. You glance over at Bucky and try to gauge how he’s doing. His shoulders are hunched over and his head is bowed, both elbows on the table. Apart from that, there’s no aspect of his body language that suggests that something is wrong, so you just leave him to it. You prop an elbow on top of the counter, chin resting in your palm.

“So Scott,” you drawl. He glances up from his cleaning and flashes you a tired smile.

“‘’Sup, Y/N?” he returns, straightening up and wiping the sweat from his brow. Scott balances his mop in the bucket, then comes over to talk to you.

“You’re not cooking tonight?”

Scott grins at you, like he’s got some sort of secret. “I got me a new cook,” he says proudly.

“Really? That’s great!”. You hold your hand up for him to high-five. The search for a new cook for his diner has been going on for several months now, and you knew that Scott had just about lost all hope. “So who’s the lucky person?” you ask excitedly.

Scott glances over his shoulder, as if to make sure that no one’s listening in and gestures for you to lean in closer. “Between you and me, it’s nobody,” he whispers.

You frown in confusion. “Scott, what the hell are you on about?” you ask.

“Shh! Keep it down,” he hisses, glaring at you pointedly. “Okay, so I’m not technically allowed to hire him, ‘cause he’s got a criminal record, alright?”.

You raise an eyebrow in surprise. “What for?”

“Guy won’t tell me. Decided not to push it,” Scott grunts, crossing his arms over his chest. You nod, figuring that he must have his reasons to trust the guy. You understand his sympathy towards this man, as Scott had been in a similar situation himself. Once upon a time, he’d found himself wrongly accused of breaking and entering, leaving him with a criminal record that made finding a job, and more importantly, keeping said job nigh impossible. Luckily, he only had to suffer for two years, before new evidence was found to prove his innocence.

“So who is he?” you ask.

“His name’s Vision,” Scott replies. At your amused look, he elaborates, “That’s what he told me to call him, anyway. I’m assuming it’s a nickname, though. Swanky British dude, wears a mask on the lower half of his face. Guess that’s kinda sketch, but he’s a good man. Decent cook, willing to put up with the long hours and god-awful pay, so…” he trails off with an indifferent shrug. “Can’t complain, can I?”

“Guess not,” you agree, eyes travelling once again to Bucky. His shoulders seem more tense now, so you can only assume that he’s gotten to a part that’s particularly gritty.

Scott follows your line of sight and makes a small noise of interest. “Who’s your friend?” he asks quietly, crouching down to arrange some boxes behind the counter.

“He’s…well, actually, he and I have a lot of talking to do,” you say slowly, “Lots of things we need to say to clear the air, things to figure out, all that lovely stuff,”.

Scott nods wisely. “So it’s that kind of night, huh? Or—I guess, morning?”

“Yeah, I guess,”, you murmur absentmindedly.

“Well, I’ll leave you two alone then,” Scott declares, clapping his hands decisively, “Give you a whole pot of coffee too, you guys look like you could use some,”.

You whirl to face him, “Oh no, you don’t have to—,”

“Please,” he says, a tiny smile gracing his lips. Scott holds his hands up, “It’s on the house,”. He doesn’t look like he’s going to take no for an answer, no matter how much of a protest you might put up, so you just give him a smile in thanks.

“I’d best get back to him,” you say, pushing off from the counter, “Lots to talk about,”.

Scott gives you a look of encouragement. “Good luck. I think you might need it,”.

“Thanks,”.

As you draw nearer to your table, you realise that, what at a distance had looked like tense shoulders are in fact, shoulders that are minutely shaking. Hesitatingly, you slide back into your chair. “Oh, love,” you breathe, taking in the sight. There are wet trails on his cheeks and Bucky’s eyes shine with yet more tears. His luscious bottom lip is quivering so much, you have to fight the urge to press your thumb — hell, press your lips — to it. Barely-audible sobs wrench their way out of his throat every now and then, and they’re doing a number on your heart. Bucky’s gloved metal hand is clenched into a tight fist, whilst he uses the flesh one to scroll. You note that there is an almost imperceptible tremble to his fingers.

With a heaving breath, Bucky switches your phone off and slides it back towards you. You push it to the side of the table, out of the way. He’s watching you intently whilst trying to reign himself in, gain some control over his breathing.

“Buck?” you ask softly.

“Just—gimme a minute,” he whispers, clasping his hands together and resting his forehead on top of them. Bucky takes a few deep breaths and with each one, his breathing evens out, becomes less shaky on the exhale. “Okay,” he breathes, flicking his eyes up to look at you. The sorrow and heartbreak evident in his gaze makes you want to wrap him up in your arms and never let go.

Scott dashes over just then, both your plates balanced precariously on one arm, a tray with the coffee held in his other had. Without a word, he swiftly sets everything on the table, and offers you a quick wink of solace before he goes back to the counter.

Bucky swallows nervously and uses his sleeve to wipe away the wetness on his cheeks. “Doll,” he begins, cutting himself off immediately when his voice cracks. He laughs wetly, “Y/N, that was—wow,” he sighs, looking at you with an unplaceable expression on his face. “I still love you too, you know?” he says urgently, “I’ve never stopped loving you, either,”.

You school your face to remain neutral as you shove a forkful of pancake into your mouth.

Bucky nods in understanding and continues, “Okay, well. I—I have no idea what to say now, really, I mean—,” he makes a vague gesture to your phone with his hand, “How am I supposed to top that? If you ever get sick of being a psychiatrist, I think you could be a fucking writer, doll,”.

You chuckle despite yourself, shaking your head in amusement. “Of course you’d say that,” you mutter fondly. You tilt your head to the side, “I guess I just got one more question to ask before I let you talk, Buck,”.

He nods, taking a bite out of one of his sausages. “Shoot,” he says, the word coming out garbled because of the food in his mouth.

You scrunch you nose up in mock disgust and stick your tongue out at him. Bucky chortles, the corners of his eyes crinkling adorably as he laughs. You shake your head and focus on putting on your serious face, because, goddammit, the two of you are supposed to be having an adult conversation, right now.

When you’ve pulled yourself together, you stare pointedly at your fork, unwilling to face him as you ask the question that has been plaguing you for the better part of the year. “Bucky…why’d you do it?”, your voice coming out barely louder than a whisper.

My lover, my liar

Bucky sighs tiredly, takes an enormous mouthful of pancake and sausage — seriously, you wonder how the hell he can open his mouth so wide — then sets his cutlery down. He chews with a thoughtful look on his face, so you allow him time to think, knowing that he’ll tell you when he’s got things phrased right in his head. You wistfully remember how Bucky had been very particular about that during his therapy sessions.

“I guess I owe you the full story, huh?” he says, after a drawn-out moment of silence, “After all the shit I’ve put you through, you deserve it,”.

You don’t say anything, just focus on chewing your pancakes with as much of a stoic expression as you can.

Bucky scratches his jaw pensively. “Okay, what I’m gonna say probably won’t make sense, at first, but you gotta hear me out, alright? No interruptions. You’ll get things once I’ve told you the full story,” he says. You want to scream at him for being so cryptic. Bucky leans in closer and lowers his volume, as if he’s about to tell you state secrets. “I’m probably breaking about a dozen different rules telling you all this, but hell, if there’s anyone worth breaking rules for, it’s you, doll,”. He winks mischievously, then sits back in his chair and tips his head back to look at the ceiling. Bucky blows out a long breath through his mouth.

“Right, well, the most important thing for you to know is that things between Natasha and I were never serious,” he begins slowly. You can tell by the slight furrow in his brow that he’s treading with utmost caution, picking his words carefully. “I guess it makes sense to start at the beginning, right?” Bucky continues, “Natalia and I have history, this is true. I don’t just mean that in the sense that I was one of her trainers in the Red Room, but also that when she started working in the field, we went on a couple of covert missions together,”.

Your eyebrows quirk up in surprise. As the Avengers’ private therapist, you had of course picked up on the unusually companionable relationship between Bucky and Nat. You’d found this surprising, as Bucky didn’t seem to be very trusting of very many people at the time, least of all ex-spies. You suspected that they had had some kind of contact with each other during his time as the Soldier, your theories further bolstered when Nat had hinted at having a personal connection with HYDRA’s greatest weapon.

Bucky assesses your reaction, before continuing tentatively. “We crossed paths a few times, actually. I don’t know how it happened…but I think she fell for me. Sweetheart, she saw me as the Soldier, a cold-blooded, brainwashed killer, and somehow, she managed to find the capacity to love me,”.

Your stomach churns at his words, and Bucky seems to pick up on this, so he hastily adds, “It was brief, and I can wholly assure you that it was one-sided, doll. HYDRA pumped me full of all sorts of chemicals to suppress those urges in me,”. He gives you a wry smile, “I think her feelings might have changed when I tried to kill her that one time, though,”.

“What?” you gasp, fork poised in mid-air. Bucky chuckles at your astonishment.

“Well, it was just after she’d switched allegiances, from the KGB to SHIELD,” he explains, “My handlers sent me after her, to sort her out,”.

“So…what, she’s forgiven you? Like, the two of you are okay with that? I don’t see how…” your voice trails off as you frown in confusion. Their relationship — or supposed relationship, if you’re going to believe Bucky’s words and accept that they were never actually together — doesn’t make sense. If Bucky tried to kill her, why would Nat allow him to get that close again?

Bucky shrugs his metal shoulder. “I think we’ve just agreed to let the past be the past,” he muses, “But then again, she is Natalia, and a completely different creature altogether. I don’t pretend to understand her. I mean, she had feelings for the Soldier, of all people, so maybe…”, he leaves the sentence unfinished and makes circular gestures with his hands as if to say well, you know what she’s like.

“Okay, so…that was before, what now?” you ask.

He hesitates, pushing a scrap of pancake around his plate as he thinks. “Well, when I went away, after…after DC,” Bucky’s face contorts into a grimace at the unpleasant memory, “A lot of my memories started to come back. And her face was in there. So when I came to the compound, and saw her in person, I kinda knew who she was,”.

Bucky’s next exhale comes out in a quick whoosh. “I—she was drunk, one night, after one of Tony’s parties, and came to my room. Mind you, this was well before anything happened between you and I, doll; this must’ve been…three months? After I came back, that is,”. The words trip over themselves in his haste to get them out. He’s obviously uncomfortable, like it’s a struggle trying to get the words out.

“What happened?” you ask quietly, almost unsure if you want to hear the answer yourseld.

“She was drunk,” he repeats, “And…threw herself at me. She showed up at my door and literally launched herself at me. I didn’t particularly want to be with her, but I…wanted to remember what it was to feel human again,”. A sad little smile flickers across his mouth. When he looks into your eyes, Bucky’s gaze is so mournful, you have to fight down your irrational urge to kiss him. “I felt horrible, just using her like that, but—I hadn’t had sex in 70 years, doll!”. He laughs dejectedly.

“That’s no excuse, of course, but can you imagine what hell my body was going through, trying to remember what it was to be human again? To have urges, and needs, and desires? I hadn’t been allowed to do things like that with HYDRA, and here was a warm body presenting herself to me, and I took the opportunity! I’m not proud of it,” Bucky adds defensively, the vein in his neck twitching from annoyance.

“You never mentioned any of this to me,” you murmur, “During our sessions, that is,”.

Bucky’s eyes meet yours for a split second. “I…I was ashamed, doll. I thought, there were so many problems about me that you had to deal with, I didn’t want to add to the list. And besides, I didn’t really want to jeopardise her position on the team, or anything like that,”.

You have a million things to say to that, but decide to drop the issue, because there’s nothing you can do to rectify the situation. Besides, there are more important things to be discussing. “Was that the only time things got—,” you hesitate, wanting to choose the right word, “Intimate, between you two?”

Bucky shakes his head morosely, and your heart sinks. “Well, depends what you mean by ‘intimate’, doll,” he sighs, “‘Cause in a way, yes, because that’s the only time we ever had sex—,”

“Really?”, you interrupt, your eyebrows nearly disappearing into your hairline.

“—Yes, really, but I’ll—okay,” he huffs frustratedly at the disbelieving look on your face, “If you don’t believe me, remember what I said? You gotta hear the full story. But yes, it was the only time we slept together,”.

“…So how else were you intimate?” you ask timidly, deathly afraid of what he might say.

“There were a few times where we kissed or…went a little further,” says Bucky hesitatingly, “Six, at most. After a mission, usually,”.

“Did she force herself on you again, or…”.

Bucky grimaces again. “Don’t get the wrong picture, doll. We—I wasn’t in the right headspace for a relationship, and Nat thought she was helping. I wanted to make it work, but at the same time, I didn’t. I was so messed up. And—and sometimes, yes, she would initiate, but sometimes I would,”. He laughs softly, but there’s no joy behind it, “I was always the one to put a stop to it, though. Whatever was going on between us couldn’t go on anymore. My conscience kicked in,”.

“Did you put a stop to things when we got together, or before…or after?”

Bucky holds up one finger as if to say wait. He takes a sip of his coffee, another bite of his — now cold — pancakes and chews thoughtfully, for a little. “We’re not there yet, doll,” he says, “First, I need to talk about how I fell in love with you,”.

You can’t ignore the way your cheeks flush hotly, or the way your heart flutters excitedly at the thought.

--------------------------------- Condensed tags: @feelmyroarrrr​ @valkyeries​ @hollycornish​ @buckingoffthebed​ @moonbeambucky​ @sanjariti​ @in-winchester-we-trust​ @badassbaker​ @retroasgardian​ @lostinspace33​ @waywardpumpkin​ @jurassicbarnes​ @buchonians​ @katielu-blog​ @alohabucky​ @sarahmatthews7​ @i-should-probably-be-asleep-rn​ @toongtii  @barnesdeservestheworld​ @amrita31199​ @amour-quinn​ @ugh-supersoldiers​

[ladyanatui]

The Seduction of Motomiya Daisuke, Ch. 8 *A Daiken Fic*

Daisuke’s friendship with Ken has always come easily. It’s the lusting after your best friend part that’s hard.

He just didn’t realize how hard until Ken starts acting weird.

Now, Daisuke isn’t sure how long he can handle his BFF and roommate’s sudden attentions. At least, not without potentially ruining a 12-year friendship.

AO3 | FF.Net

Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17

DAISUKE

Saturday, 1 p.m.

By the time we reach the park, Ken doesn't look any more pleased with the idea than the moment when, after we put away the groceries, I chucked the soccer ball at his head and he barely managed to catch it before it smacked him in the face. He argued, he complained, he cajoled, and yes, he had a point—it did rain most of the train ride home, though the rain stopped before we had to walk through it—but I didn't relent.

"When has a little rain ever been a problem?" I asked him. "Are you afraid of getting a tiny bit muddy? Are you that much of a clean freak, Ichijouji?"

I wasn't surprised when he bristled. "Not afraid." But then he paused and admitted quietly, "I'm out of practice, though."

Which is all too true, and perhaps a large reason I want to play a little one-vee-one.

We played against each other from that first all-important match in fifth grade till high school graduation, and winning against Tamachi was rare. In a one-vee-one against Ichijouji Ken, Tamachi's number one striker? Nearly impossible.

But he hasn't played since high school, aside from an occasional casual match—not even once a month.

I at least play a weekly game with a few guys, though it's laid-back and most of them aren't enough competition. I at least have some practice still.

Hell, if there's even a tiny chance I can kick his ass, I'm gonna take it.

So no, I didn't relent, no matter how much he complained.

And I won't relent now that we're here either.

"It's called muscle memory, Ichijouji," I say as I pause at the edge of the pitch beside him.

His mouth tightens into a scowl, but he doesn't look at me. "Just because you play a casual game every week doesn't mean you'll manage to beat me."

I cock an eyebrow. "Care to put that to the test then?"

Ken smirks, finally meeting my eyes. "And what do I get when I win, Motomiya?"

Excellent.

"Depends." I toss the ball up in the air and catch it with one hand. "What do you want?"

His blue-violet eyes study me carefully while determining his response, and he settles on a cool but dangerous sort of confidence. "You'll find out when I win."

I scoff, but I'm practically buzzing with energy. "Well, I already know exactly what I want when I win, and I'm not telling you till I do."

This kind of tension is exactly what I live for. I thrive on it.

Most of the time, Ken retreats into himself, hiding away from the world, especially around people he doesn't know well. He's decent with the other Chosen now—talks to them more openly, smiles and laughs more often—but no one else draws out this Ken like I do.

This Ken is confident, competitive, even eager. He's cool and collected and smug, he's occasionally cruel but in a good-natured way, and he likes to win. Honestly, this Ken sometimes frightens me. He gets my blood boiling, my heart thumping at full force, sends some positively perverse thoughts through my head. He's the Ken most reflective of his Kaiser persona, but it's not the same, he's not the same. Because unlike the Kaiser, he has a warm, hearty laugh, he cracks jokes, he teases, and through it all, he remains the kind, pensive, intelligent, sweet Ken he always is.

"I guess we have no choice then," he says, flippant, and begins a determined march toward the center of the field.

My eyes gravitate toward his perfect ass as he stalks across the soggy grass. He's wearing his high school soccer uniform—it is the most appropriate attire for the occasion, and it's tight enough not to get in the way. It's honestly impressive the thing still fits him after five years. But it's not like he's gained weight—only grown a few more centimeters.

Okay.

Subconsciously, I may have suggested this because I wanted to see Ken in uniform again.

Fucking worth it.

And here's hoping I don't get too distracted by the spectacular view. Because I want to win.

I have plans for if I win, dammit.

He walks with the confidence that I'll follow, and he's right about that. But I would follow Ken anywhere.

Before I'm even halfway across the pitch, he's at the center, and he begins his typical warm-up routine: hip flexors, calf stretch, quad stretch, heel stretch, and a few modified versions of his normal stretches to avoid sitting on the muddy ground.

I stumble to a stop the moment he slowly bends over, one ankle crossed over the other, arms down, hands flattening on the wet grass in front of his feet. Because the view of his pert ass couldn't possibly be better. And dear god, that flexibility could be put to some good use under more intimate circumstances.

Yeah, I'm fucked.

I force my feet to move again, slowly approaching, and drop the ball on the ground when I reach him.

Ken throws a terse glance my way as he hooks an arm behind his head in a simple shoulder stretch. "You ready to get your ass handed to you, Motomiya?"

I spend half a second more staring at him.

But it's time to get my head in gear or I'm going to lose. And losing isn't an option today. I want to implement my plan tonight, and winning this match may be exactly what I need to get the ball rolling.

"Don't get too cocky, Ichijouji," I snap and begin to do a few stretches of my own. "I won't let you win so easily."

Of course, that also requires me to pretend I'm not deathly curious what would happen if he won, what he wants from me.

He smiles. "You never make anything easy."

I frown, not quite sure what he means, but he starts doing a round of jumping jacks before I can even consider whether I should ask. And then I'm staring again.

No.

I won't let him distract or confuse me, dammit.

Once we're both properly warmed up, we decide victory goes to the first to score five goals, and per usual, Ken devotes himself wholly to the task at hand.

He snags the ball immediately, and I rush to keep up with him. His long legs and low mass make him fast, but he's not the same kid running circles around my entire team anymore.

In high school, we were much more evenly matched—partially because no one knew better than me how to anticipate Ken's thoughts and moves. If we'd played on a team together, we would've been in complete sync, able to predict each other and play off of the other's strengths. But as opponents…well, I'm pretty sure our coaches thought we spent too much time trying to outdo each other than actually win the game.

He scores the first goal, but I get the ball next, dribbling it toward the opposite goal. This time, he chases me. By the time he scores a second shot, I've managed three goals.

A proud grin spreads across my mouth when we meet at the center again, but Ken's eyes narrow in a way that's strikingly familiar.

In a way that makes me fear for my life.

And my sanity.

Grass stains and little flecks of mud spread up his body, primarily on his shoes and shins, but there's even the occasional streak on his arm.

I gulp.

Mud has never looked so damn attractive.

He snatches the ball immediately and, to no one's surprise, levels the playing field with another score before I can do anything but follow in his wake.

Dammit.

Five years since he's played a competitive soccer game, and he's still this fucking good. Muscle memory is part of it—he did play for over a decade—but honestly, I attribute it to what I call Ken Magic. Even without the Dark Seed, Ken remains the most intelligent and talented person I know.

Koushiro-san, ever the logical one, insists that's technically incorrect. That while, yes, Ken is very intelligent and skilled, his IQ isn't what it was as the Kaiser. That I'm biased because Ken is so important to me.

True or not—and I guess Koushiro-san is generally trustworthy on these matters—I don't care.

Ken is smart, kind, patient, ambitious, talented at everything, and absolutely beautiful. Of course I'm biased. How could I not be biased? He's practically perfect, no matter how dark his past is or how much it still bothers him, and I have no problems explaining that to anyone.

But I have serious problems with him winning this match.

"I thought you were going to make this a challenge, Motomiya," he says when we meet at centerfield again.

I shrug. "Alright, I gave you that last one. You looked pretty upset." And you know, I was too busy ogling him to focus. "Besides, I like the challenge of whooping your ass when the score is this close."

He glares, but it gets my point across. "Don't you dare let me win out of pity, Motomiya." His voice is dangerously low.

"I wouldn't dare. I want this too much."

Plus, I'm fairly certain he would murder me if he ever legitimately believed I took it easy on him.

We each only have two points left to win, but I'm not so sure of my victory now. Still, this is a better shot at beating Ken in a one-vee-one than I've ever had before, and I managed to beat him a few times during his prime.

Besides, what better way to interrogate him about the last thirty-six hours than to do it under the pretense of a bet? If I win this, I intend to launch a full investigation into his recent behavior, into his...potential feelings.

Not that he needs to know that.

He takes the ball, but I dart around him and kick it in the opposite direction, right between his legs. He stumbles and we collide not even a second later, all hands and legs and feet and mud and sweat.

Ken lands on top of me, blue-violet eyes staring into my soul. My breath catches at our close proximity. Heat rises to my cheeks. And he…

He slips off easily before running after the ball.

It takes a moment to collect myself, mostly because my back is now coated in grass and mud. And stupid Ken didn't fare nearly so bad—he has a couple muddle, scraped knees and shins for his fall.

By the time I chase after him, he's scored his fourth goal.

Shit.

This is going to be closer than I thought.

But I always perform better when the chips are down. I need to score twice before letting him get a final goal.

And under the circumstances, I don't mind playing a little dirty.

We start again at centerfield, and this time, I hesitate just long enough for him to dribble the ball to the side to pass me. I spin with him so we're side to side, then trace a finger down his spine—Ken staggers, and I kick the ball with my heel, sending is flying between us and toward my goal.

I dart after it before he has a chance to turn around—or worse, retaliate.

Once I'm close enough, Ken on my heels, a quick instep kick is all it takes to level the score again.

One goal away.

"You cheated," he snaps as we march back to centerfield.

I laugh. "It's not like I tripped you or even pulled your shirt, Ichijouji. No ref would've called me on that."

He shoots a glare my way. "I don't care if a referee would've let is slide. You used your knowledge of my body against me. That's cheating."

I splutter, nearly dropping the ball.

My knowledge of his body?

Okay, I mean, that's technically accurate. But does he really have to say it like that when all he means is that I know how sensitive and ticklish he is and where?

"Come on, Motomiya!" He's five paces ahead, and I scurry to catch up as he snarls, "Next person to score wins, and then I get the bathroom first."

I scowl. "You're going to make me sit in a muddy mess while you take a nice long bath, aren't you?"

"You better not make a mess anywhere while you wait." We reach the center, and he turns to glare at me. "Let's get this over with already."

With the final ball, Ken is in full-on general mode, nudging and cutting the ball across the pitch diagonally, but I run down the center line to cut him off. I dive close when he reaches midfield, and he tries to evade me with an elastico, but I don't let him shake me off. Determination in his eyes, he glances toward the center and the goal, plotting his next move.

It's a feint.

When he kicks the ball again, it's a scoop turn to send the ball to the left instead, and I'm ready for him, slicing across the space to nudge it back to the right and under my control. He twists to reach me, but I nudge the ball behind me and away from him before darting back, nudging it into the air, and sending it arcing over and around him toward my goal.

Ken releases a low growl, and he's on my heels the moment I catch up to the ball, dribbling it down the field. He drives me toward the edge, cornering me in an attempt to steal the ball back, but I'm not going to let him beat me this time.

I catch the ball with one foot, sliding it to the other with a swift one-eighty spin, then pull the ball with me. Leaving me with enough space to shoot the ball with an instep kick, driving it right into the side netting.

Then, I stumble and fall, body pushed to the ground with a face full of wet grass.

Panting—and practically growling—Ken sits atop my lower back, hands holding my shoulders down. But he doesn't say anything.

I manage to push up enough to breath more than just mud and grass, and once I catch my breath, I try to turn to him. "Something wrong, Ichijouji?" Still can't see more than a scraped and muddy leg.

"Okay, fine, you won." He leans close to my ear, irritation lacing his voice. "What do you want from me?"

The words send a chill down my spine.

Everything.

I want everything from Ken.

But that's not what he means.

I pull my knee up and push off with my center, sending him flying to the ground, flat on his back. I collapse beside him with a deep sigh, eyes staring up at the overcast sky. "Don't you worry about a thing, Ichijouji. You'll find out tonight."

[todokori-kun]

Ok:

Luna, you’re the best. You’re smart, you’re talented, you’re dedicated, you’re creative and caring, a wonderful listener, so much fun to debate with, and the best friend anyone could ever ask for. I’m so grateful for everything you’ve helped me with ever since we started talking; I respect your resolve. You’re unique and amazing, and I’m so, so sorry this is happening to you.

I won’t go into detail because it’s a complicated story that’s also way too long, but I’ve sort of felt that way before too (thinking it might be better if I just disappeared/wishing I didn’t exist/feeling worthless). It sucks.

I don’t know if this’ll help, but just know that I’m always here to listen if you need it. You can Email me (though I guess that’s probably not an option lol) or just, like, I don’t know, maybe post something on the blog like ‘Evans can we talk’ and I’ll definitely see it and respond because I stalk this place 24/7 (Evans is a creep please don’t encourage her). I’ve also been considering finally getting a tumblr so maybe we’ll be able to PM each other sometime.

There’s absolutely nothing to apologize for. It’s really brave to talk about stuff like this (I never can). And if there’s any way I can help, please, let me know.

  (Also, funny story (it’s actually gross and is basically just Evans whining about stuff):

I know from experience that stomach-related sicknesses suck. When I first started taking swimming lessons I was an idiot with zero stamina who could barely swim halfway across the pool without coming up for air, so needless to say, I ended up gulping a ton of water (especially since my teacher didn’t go easy on me; mom told her not to because I’m a sloth and I usually won’t do any exercise on my own besides simple stretches and some walking/running). I mean, the water in swimming pools is usually a bit disgusting, and it’s even worse where I take lessons because it’s a pretty old place and I don’t think it gets cleaned that often… so not only did accidentally swallowing it trigger my clean-freak senses, I also ended up with a terrible stomachache. I thought it was fine, that it would pass. But then I got a fever and every other thing I ate made me feel like someone was twisting my intestines from the inside, I couldn’t even lie down and rest for a sec because whenever I moved or tried to change positions it got even worse ;p; (also my mom never let it go, she kept jokingly 'reminding’ me that water from a swimming pool is not something you should drink after I started swimming again. I guess I kinda deserved it, though. I was an idiot))

That sounds so lovely <3 I’d really love to go visit Norway myself sometime, though I’ll probably have to wait a few years (my mom has back problems that make it painful for her to stay in one position for too long, so long plane/car rides are a huge no). And oooh if you have any good pictures I’d love to see them :D

Thanks, I’m glad I managed to explain my shipping reasons (like it’s so hard to properly talk about why I ship stuff sometimes XD)! I would give anything to have you join me in Stoki hell so let me just recommend basically the entire Remember This Cold series (it’s angsty as heck so proceed with caution…there are bits of humor and fluff in there, though, and then some extremely rare (almost) pure fluff fics. Like the one where Steve wants to propose but is a nervous bean because Loki’s a PRINCE and he wants to make it perfect). I’ll also try to find some more good fics later becase I can’t remember any titles right now ^^;;

YES ANOTHER T'CHALLA FAN I adore this guy (also I feel like he has a really cool voice. Not really sure why, it just sounds so nice). I really respect him for his attitude towards Steve and Bucky after he figures out Bucky’s not the real murderer, and how he later stops letting his anger towards his father’s killer consume him.

We’ll fangirl over the Black Panther movie together when it comes out, won’t we *schwing*

(right after I wrote 'schwing’ I got this mental image of Hisoka having his glowing, expolsive schwing moments after seeing T'Challa. And then Hisoka schwinging in theater while watching MCU movie fight scenes. Why am I like this)

I can draw, but I don’t know how to animate so these memes will never be a thing ;-; it’s so sad, I’ve got everything planned out…everytime eyes are mentioned the screen zooms in on Illumi’s eyes (yes even when Illumi’s not in the song because he’s a Zoldyck assassin, you can’t keep him out) and the word 'eyes’ gets the weird treatment where all these high/low/metallic(?) voices get layered so it sounds like the creepiest thing ever

('History has its eyes on you but it’s actually Illumi’ is both the animatic I want to see the most and the animatic I hope will never be created)

Fun HxH facts I want to let you know about:

Kite (AKA Ging’s student and Gon’s big brother figure) is dead and has been brainwashed into being a weapon/punching bag for his captors. When sunshine angel Gon meets the new Kite he lets Kite beat him up and then hugs him, promising to save him (THE FEEEEEEELSS)

Forgot to mention this about Chrollo, but when Kurapika killed one of his troupe (a guy named Uvogin), Chrollo acted all cool and never really talked about Uvo…

but then he had the rest of the troupe murder 2000 mafiosi guarding a building they were trying to get into, and while watching the chaos from afar, listening to their enemy’s screams, he started waving his hands as if conducting an orchestra…

“Uvogin-san. Can you hear it? This requiem we’re dedicating to you.”

(jeez Chrollo we know you’re extra but you can’t just murder 2000 people and play a funeral march with their cries of horror every time you lose a subordinate)

Lastly: There’s a new character named Knuckle who’s like the HxH version of Metal Bat. He is the sweetest cinnamon roll. I love him. I’ll send you a pic later

So um did you hear the news about Hinami

(Queen Luna cosplaying Maka(? or any of the other three MCs)…omg that sounds so awesome)

*facepalm* ok WHOOPS I actually read about that on the SE wiki a while ago. How did I forget about it

Yep! It was so good <33 (Lizzy looks so graceful and pretty I can’t even) I actually found the whole movie on YT but just watched the parts I was really looking forward to seeing animated, like UT’s fight scene, Seb getting stabbed, the rest of the Midford family…(Francis’ hair shocked me. Idk how to feel about it. At first I thought it made her look like an old lady, but then, the more I look at it, the prettier it gets…like, it’s actually a really nice design, but I guess I got too used to manga!Francis lol)

Light is the trash GOD.

(hope you get to read the light novel! As far as I know it’s got a TON of L and Naomi in it so it might make you feel better :D)

Oh yeah, I get what you mean. Light’s reasoning/views on the justice system probably connects a lot to the culture and social issues of Japan at the time.

DN’s probably still one of the easier-to-adapt mangas out there, though, since the themes of justice and questioning the idea of 'greater good’ is something anyone can relate to (and they still botched it, I’m very salty about this and you can’t stop me ;-; even with how terrible Ryuk and Rem looked in them, the Japanese movies were WAY better, and it’s actually pretty rare that Japan makes a good live-action movie from a manga or anime. Apparently the TG movie that came out this year was pretty good too, though :D).

(I apparently somehow accidentally erased the part where I mentioned I actually read HCs/theories about Japanese-American Light on tumblr somewhere….that’s what got me thinking about it.

I agree though, seeing how different cultures would change Light’s character would be very interesting.)

The lack of potato chips doomed the entire Keikaku from the start.

I can see you being similar to Pearl too! I think I’m maybe a bit like Lapis…or possibly Connie. Or maybe Blue Diamond because I also cry way too much (but then again BD actually has a reason to be miserable so)

Those are both cool gems<3 and yeah, they’re both really pretty :D

I was talking about gem 'roles’ back on Homeworld, though ^^;; like, how Pearls are considered servants or pretty accessories, Diamonds are leaders, fusions like Garnet are outcasts, Rubies are 'dumb muscle’, Sapphires are valuable prophets, Peridots are tech experts, Jaspers are soldiers…sorry, I should’ve been more specific OTL

I’d probably be a Pearl lol. I could see myself being a Peridot and being scared to death without a Quartz soldier to guard me but I’m not good with any kind of technology so nah.

And sorry for asking weird questions, I forgot it’s been a while since you watched the show ^^;;

Hey, don’t feel bad about slow replies! Like I said before, I seriously don’t mind as long as you’re ok :D and I’m so glad I’ve managed to help.

('a friend I appreciate’ *ugly sobbing* thank you)

Did someone say suffering?

*'Remember That We Suffered’ plays in the background*

DID THE QUEEN JUST SAY 'Goals’ ABOUT SOMETHING I MADE OMG I’M FREAKING OUT TYSM

Ayyy I’m so glad you liked them! (The Hide pic was painted with the intent to kill)

(last thing:

I’m sorry, this is probably really creepy, but I ended up telling my mom about you because she asked who I was talking to (she knows I have internet friends and has seen me writing messages before). Since I’m only 13 she worries about the people I talk (she knows all my friends on ao3) so I told her some small things like your age, that you’re from Croatia, that you play the piano too and that you mentioned having a sister.

I’m really, really sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, mom just worries a lot and she likes to hear about my friends (like, she worries for my safety on the internet so she has to ask me some basic things about the people I talk with, and when she knows I have a good friend on the internet she sometimes wants to hear if my relationship with them is ok). I’d never tell her something really private but sometimes she wants to talk and I know she worries for me so I do tell her small, random details from our convos.

if you’re uncomfortable with that, though, I’ll stop. Again, I’m so sorry about this.)

And after two weeks of silence, the species finally shows some signs of life.  ;-;

I’m totally not crying.  I’ve said this so many times and you’re probably getting annoyed, but I have no idea what I did to deserve you in my life.  You’re actually the only person I’d told about my current mental state at that time, and I’m so glad you didn’t freak out or just write it away as me overreacting (like my mom did), and it means so so so much to me. Truly, thank you for being here for me. (And not giving up on me, considering how long my replies take ;-;)

I’m here for you as well, though, so if you’re ever feeling down, you can message me ^^ 

Oh, it’d be cool if you’d get a tumblr! I can guarantee my replies would be faster then, since the messages would show up in my notifications...

Also, to brighten things up a little, this is how I picture you at the beginning of the message:

Oh  god that sounds disgusting XD And perfectly describes why I don’t wanna do swimming as a sport. Are you still swimming? It’d be cool if you were, cause it’s a really beautiful sport imo. 

That’s unfortunate... Hopefully you’ll be able to visit it someday ^^

Tbh considering the shit I unironically ship sometimes, no ship is weird enough to be unexplainable. Name a single reason why you ship it, and it’s valid in my eyes. Heck, it can be ‘they look good together’ and I’ll say ‘makes sense’. Y’know why? Because I’m one of those ppl who will ship it if they so much as look at each other.

ok fun fact: I’ve loved T’Challa since I was like 8, because every summer, there would be a weekly publication of superhero comics, and Black Panther was almost always there, and I was a nerd even then, so I’d always buy them. Other than Spiderman, Black Panther was my favourite superhero. 

Lololol I need the HxH Cast watching MCU movies. Oh yeah, I found this a while ago and immediately thought of you:

Amazing... If you ever learn to animate, please send me a link, because I will pay money to see that. Just. I’m not even into HxH, but I’d give up a lot to see the crossover XD

Ouch, that seems like a lot of feels... Seriously I have no idea where you get the mental strength to read to many angsty moments...

um, yeah... i have actually... but um, she’s alive, right?

Turns out I gave my skirt I’d used to charity, so until i find a replacement, I can’t take any pics... well, at least i can grow my hair out to Maka’s length till that happens XD

I adore the movie, seriously, the animators did such an amazing job with it, especially the most important scenes. BUT HECK; WHEN WILL WE FIND OUT WHAT OUR CIEL’S NAME IS?? It’s been hinted that it’s quite unusual, BUT THAT MAKES IT EVEN HARDER HNNNGH

Oh yeah, I’m gonna find that novel even if it kills me, because I need the L. 

lol I still haven’t forgiven the movie adaptation of Avatar the Last Airbender. It was so bad that most people (including me are denying its existence). I might watch Death Note some time soon, so I can judge it for myself tbh... 

Of course, the chips were a vital part of the Keikaku... No wonder it didn’t succeed...

No worries! It’s not your fault! Tbh, i dont think id even reached that part when I was watching it, so it’s interesting to hear all the roles...  Aw, you’d be an adorable Peridot ^^

Tbh ‘friend that I appreciate’ doesn’t even begin to describe how precious you are to me. You’re the first online friend I made and the first person I told about my mental state, so honestly, you’re one of the people I feel closest to...

Nah, I don’t find it creepy at all!! Seriously, I sometimes tell my parents about people I talk to, so I’ve mentioned well ^^ It’s your choice what/who you’ll talk about ^^

[aleatoryalarmalligator]

Life Story Part 16

It is at about this point in my tale where I am afraid I might lose some people who think well of me. I haven't always been exactly the nicest person. You actually can never fully know a person until you give them power. I understand why I behaved the way I did when I did wrong. I was twelve, and I to a degree was only emulating the way the adults in my life treated me. Because of my situation I was deeply unhappy, and in other ways I was given unbridled power that I didn't know how to use at first. Add on childhood depression, a deep seated sense of inferiority, and a growing resentment for everyone around me, and you have all the makings of a young tyrant. I am able to understand how I was feeling, what had been done to me, and how I was responding to my own sense of neglect, powerlessness, and worthlessness. Because by this time, I had saturated in these feelings so long I had become pickled in them. And lastly, I am sorry. I know there are things I have said and done that cannot be taken back, but I am humble and besides myself with a strong sense that there must always be a sliver of my life that shall be eternally set aside as an eternal apology as long as I live and breath.

I shall try to explain.

The first thing I think I ever have done that had lasting negative consequences on those around me all came to pass because I turned twelve. Turning twelve meant that I could legally babysit. My father had always promised up and down that he would never ever under any circumstances put me through forcing me to babysit through my teen years while I should be living my own life. My mom always expected it of her children, and he wasn't going to make that mistake. I lived with a sureness that I would maybe only have to babysit once or twice a month for my teen years. Ha! You can ask Allison and David. As soon as it was legal, I was imprisoned in the house babysitting whenever possible. My mom and dad were equally guilty of this. David and Allison both think of me as a parent in a lot of ways because for better or worse, it was I who was always there. I put more effort to get to know them than either one of our parents did. This isn't to say that no effort was put in on their part, but it was put in at their own leisure after this point. They didn't miss a beat. I turned twelve, and my free time was half over. My mother's boyfriends came first, and the same goes with my father. His girlfriends took precedence over us – specifically me. I lost out on a lot of free time I should have to be my own person and have my own life.

I resented this like hell. From Thursday after school, to Sunday night, I babysat. My mom and dad were either at work or too busy to be bothered. Often times, I babysat on all the other nights of the week as soon as I got home from school. And you have to know, after being pushed around, belittled, insulted, and made to feel small, helpless, and alone, I was up to my eyeballs with a rage that I could barely comprehend or control. There was no inner voice weighing out my situation, questioning my feelings. I just felt this switch go off in my head and I was gone. Allison and David weren't terrible. But David could be incredibly bratty. I had for years taken issue with his spoiled behavior, and his natural tendency to be a little tyrant in his own right.

Because I had no control over my life, because I felt ugly, because years of this stuff was beginning to boil over the pot, I lashed out on Allison and David when I should not have. Some of this was in part too because I didn't know how to make them behave. I didn't feel like if I said things to them like a friend that they would listened to me. I was probably right about that. I had been given a dull promise that if they ever misbehaved, I had but to tell either my mom or dad and they would handle it. This rarely happened. I would try to explain the situation, but both parents would spin the situation around on me. Which put me in a situation where I felt the only course of action fell on my hands to make sure things went properly. Nobody was going to help me, but nobody was going to stop me either. This was my first taste of power over anyone. So I became an authoritarian dictator in Allison and David's lives as soon as the parents went off. I would scream, throw things, push them, pull their hair, call them names, sometimes for offenses that were almost nothing. Sometimes one of them had done something bad – specifically David. He might have needed some form of reprimanding. But I was so bad early on, that if they were good, I would walk around until I found something insane to scream at them about. I was awful. I would like to sugarcoat this, but I cannot. This was the only time in my life where I was given any power, and I abused it immediately. And what I did really, was make things worse. When you punish children like this, maximizing the pain and severity of any and all crimes, you really desensitize them to that level of punishment. It is partially because of my parents extreme spoiling and negligence, and my father's personal freak outs, with a dash of genetics at play, but also because of me that David grew up having anger issues. I wish I could go back and be the calm democratic representative that I know how to be now. But I can't. All I can tell you is what I did.

I also really wish I could tell everyone about Allison and about David's lives who's are just as valid and interesting in mine with their own insight which is unique and important to me. Because they too had their own lives, friendships, losses, hardships and paradigms as well and in many ways some of that might come out from my own life telling, but since this story is about my experiences, and because I could not fairly represent them anyway if I tried, I will have to depart on that note. The former oppressor in any given situation should always give room to the victims to have the final say. I think that's probably true in any healthy society, family, or relationship. I can't do that at this time. I know I damaged their childhood. I know I frightened them, and created mental coping skills that were not healthy. I am besides myself because I cannot imagine doing this now. I know 'whoops!' doesn't cut it, but I only had so much self awareness at the time in order to cope with living. It is what it is and nothing can be changed.

Allison was a kindergartner at the time, and I think it is interesting enough to mention that she had just as many issues wit Mrs. Denler as I did. Probably more, since she is more stubborn and bold than I was. Mrs. Denler grabbed Allison by the ear, twisted her ear and pulled her up the steps one time. Fortunately for David however, Mrs. Denler retired the next year. I honestly don't know how she got through thirty years of teaching without someone turning her in. But she got away with it.

I did a fair amount of my babysitting in a small ugly trailer that my mom was renting. At the time, she had taken up dishwashing at a country club at the end of town. She was completely broke. It was a very small trailer. It was almost a camper really. James living there really smelled the place up. I had never fully realized just how uncleansly that guy was. He smelled like soiled mildewed sweat mixed with hot sauce and fart. It was so unpleasant smelling in there. My mom would pick us up on Fridays after work, and then she would drop us off at the trailer and immediately head off to work all night. James went off to drink with friends until late at night, often coming home drunk, or not coming in at all – which was always preferable. Generally speaking, my mom would rent some VHS tapes at Hastings, and David would be given the extra bedroom to be in separate from the rest of us. David was really into Jackie Chan. It was cute and silly. He didn't know that some of Jackie Chan's gimmicks were meant for light entertainment. David believed that Jackie Chan was manly and serious and dangerous. I still remember David's little voice talking on and on about Jackie Chan. So David would generally be in the extra bedroom watching foreign movies with Jackie Chan in them, or maybe Rush Hour or that one with him and Owen Wilson in the old west. You had to walk through the bathroom to get to the bedroom. I remember walking in there sometimes and yelling at him.

Allison was really into beanie babies, and Furbies. So she would be arranging her stuffed animals in the living room. After school, I would take my overloaded book bag, often times with a broken zipper or a massive hole in the bottom that would require I carry my stuff with two hands, and I would throw it in the corner, not to touch it once the entire weekend. I might draw a bit. I was fortunate enough to have access to television. I remember watching everything that is available to people with cheap free cable, Friends and Frazier, Full House, Oprah, Charles in Charge, sometimes crime shows like Law and Order (they are all the same show in my head though I know there are actually twenty or so distinct and notable crime solving shows). PBS had this show called Zoom', or something like that. I was basically a group of kids doing science experiments you could in theory do at home, but actually couldn't at all. I tried to copy them sometimes and made huge pointless messes in the process.

I would stay up late enough, and then I would watch the infomercials. For about two or three hours, they would double play a cd collection you could get of all the 60's hits. I remember really enjoying the short snippets of some of the songs but my friends were all into pop so I would never tell anyone I liked old music that much. It would be like, The Mamas and Papas, The Zombies, the Are You Going To San Francisco' song, maybe like a Chicago song or a Cat Stevens song thrown in. Then, it would go into 60's country hits. I saw the glorious Dolly Parton, and they would keep playing Johnny Cash's Folsom Prison beginning riff as the opening theme to the infomercial. And they kept playing Marty Robbins. I liked this one too. Then they would try to sell you a diet pill that was absurd and actually stated that you were required to eat as much as you wanted, whatever you wanted or else the pill wouldn't take affect. I would feel this deep anxious nothingness. I felt empty and alone as I watched these infomercials in a way I cannot explain, like my very existence as being sucked away and I was missing the point of living entirely, stuck in my crummy little life, in this crummy little trailer, waiting for my cheap ass mom to come home from her dishwasher job. Eating little Debby's not because I enjoyed them, but because they were there and that was all there was to eat, and I was anxious. When the infomercials were over, I would feel bloated and oddly afraid of something I had no name for. Allison would be curled up on the gross floor, David would be snoozing in my mother's bed. I had the couch. The television would stop playing the infomercials, and then there would be some kind of stand by till morning screen. There was no night time television playing. I would curl up with a soily gross scratchy blanket and close my eyes.

There was a car racing game, Rush, I think it's called that James sometimes had set up. The cars always flew in the most unrealistic ways. I think one of the places you could drive was literally the moon. It was absolutely fantastic and sickening. I would play that for hours. I didn't even like it, I just did it.

In the morning on Sundays I would watch televangelists. I wasn't really into it, but it was something I grew accustomed to. I had read the bible so I understood what they were saying. The real excitement came when they replayed a PBS series, like Anne of Green Gables. It wasn't great, but there was no other options. I'd watch Thomas and Theodore sometimes, but they were kids shows about mentally off machines with egos. It wasn't and isn't safe to go walking around in Clarkston, especially this part of town. I never had any money. My parents didn't give me a single cent for my troubles until I was much older and demanded it. I could never wait until my father came to pick us up on Sunday. Often times, I would go home with him on Saturday, and simply have him drop me off early on Sunday morning. I had screamed at Allison and David sufficiently, I had met my own existence with despair, and I was ready to go to school to be demeaned and do it all again. There seemed no end in sight for me.

What's more, my friends were always having sleepovers. When I came back to school on Monday, it always felt like I had missed a lot. Sarah and Samantha were spending more time with Katie. I didn't see her at all because I was always gone. She also didn't think she liked me. I missed all the dances that the juniors could go to. I remember the whole school decorated, and everyone was excited to get into dresses and go to the dance. Samantha was really into this kid in the class above us named Andy. Andy was her brother's friend, and he was just terrible. Samantha really had the worst taste in guys, I swear. I wanted to be apart of their world. I mean, I spent a lot of time at Sarah's during the week. But it always felt like when she hung out with me, it was her and I and then by association I was a part of the group, but really I wasn't. I was either not invited or now I was chained to my duties as third parent. When I couldn't go to the dance, I remember sitting in my mom's gross trailer and crying. I didn't even have a dress had I been able. I would have needed ten dollars to get in – which my dad would not have given me. My dad didn't want me to have dresses else I might attract someone and get pregnant. There was no female sensibilities in my life either. Nobody taught me how to wear make up or do my hair. My dad scoffed at anything feminine. My mom was busy. My training bras that I had worn for years were starting not to fit me very well. But nobody would by me a new one.

Without realizing it, my dad kind of pushed a male gender role on me – and I think this was mostly because he was afraid that I would get pregnant or do drugs, but also I think he was innocently clueless about how to raise girls. Some of it was a little sexist as well. I feel like my father saw femininity was deceptive towards men – on a very subconscious and symbolic level that he himself was not consciously aware of. He just seemed to have vague problems with the idea of it. He didn't really understand the female perspective, that there could be joy in wearing and expressing femininity through makeup or clothes without it being some kind of game to make men lose their minds. I felt like being girlish in any way was a weakness. So I denied what I was without realizing it. I strangely wanted to be the kind of girl that would go to the dance in a dress, but I felt incredibly isolated from even having the opportunity, and if I had the opportunity I doubt I could have willed myself to go.

The season of football had come to an end, and the whole school, and the whole town really was dedicating themselves to sending the Kendrick Tigers off to super games in other places. The girls basketball team was headed down somewhere to play a game off somewhere far away, and the boys' football team was to play their final match with one of the neighboring towns – Deary, Troy, Genessee or Orofino. The Kendrick football team was a BIG deal. Everyone seemed obsessed with the players, and winning. Many people showed up just for practices. I never quite understood, being the odd one out and never really especially enjoying football. I still don't understand how it is played.

So on the week before these games, they actually closed the school, and on the last part of the day we went to school, the entire school marched down to the local park. There was a float, and streamers everywhere. I had no idea what was going on as we were marched along like cattle. When we got there, we all had to get into our classes. Everyone was forced to chant this horrible song that went from class to class, and then Girl to Boy, that went something like this

“HEY SOPHMORES?!

“YEAH!?” (Sophomores respond to the rest of the school)

“HEY SOPHMORES?!”

“YEAH?!”

“SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!!!”

“NO WAY!!”

“SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!!!!”

“OKAY!!!!”

At this point everyone in the school says

JUMP! SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!! JUMP JUMP SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!

JUMP! SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!! JUMP JUMP SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!

(.. on a side note I have no idea what changed the sophomores minds? Like, you can't just demand something like that and get your way, and nothing seemed to happen in the interval between the Sophomores saying no way and the school asking once more)

And the Sophomores have to jump and shake their dumb little redneck butts. If you do not participate you got written up by the school monitor Ms. Fligger who had a brain tumor. And they made you stand somewhere everyone could see you in all your shame.

After this, you had to do bobbing for apples in the most filthy unsanitary way imaginable, and then you and your class had to  hold toothpicks between your teeth and pass along a life saver. I remember my shame one year as it slid back and hit me in the teeth. It was so gross. I think there was a potato bag race, and a bunch of other things that were simply unfun and hard if you were anxious and unpatriotic.

They also had a theme. There was this girl in my class named Laura Lee. Laura Lee was probably second to Double D when it came to eccentricity and being picked on. She had that same skin condition that JFK had, only it didn't give her the same look. Her skin was basically orangy red. Her hair was fuzzier than mine, and red. She was about three hundred pounds or so. And she basically was trying to have sex with all the boys. I don't want to sound like I am picking on her. This was just the way she was then. She would start fingering herself in class with her pencil. People gave her a hard time, but nothing seemed to deter her. Anyway, she LOVED Homecoming. She would get up in front of everyone and dance. It was the strangest thing, I tell you.

After this tribal show of patriotism for our little football team of awkward teenage boys we called our own that happened to practice in one area of the world were we lived closest to, everyone got up to get a school photo. There is a picture of me somewhere. I am somewhat noticeable, at the end of the school picture, head in hand, khaki pants, red zip up jacket. Long curly brown hair. Completely not feeling the whole event like everyone else. Perhaps someday I will find it and post it onto facebook.

Ordinarily the last class of the day was Shop. We basically watched long safety videos. The teacher was this short angry little woman with a serious and gruff voice and posture named Ms. Guhlkee. She would raise her voice at you at nearly everything you said or did. Life was this serious how to safety manual in her eyes. Nothing was funny. She had these egotistical stare downs with people that didn't need to happen. I just felt like the amped up the class to be this really uncomfortable bootcamp situation that it absolutely had no reason to be. We sometimes had to use the power tools. I was always too afraid. The smell of the wood working building was atrocious to me. There was this smell of burning metal in the welding section that made me very sick. I remember her yelling at me, and feeling too anxious and nauseated to even understand her. I think she probably saw me as the lowest denominator of human. I was weak and abstract minded. Which did not appeal to her at all. She yelled at me a lot. At the end of the year, we were to make wooden cars. We had to design them, the simpler the better. For some absurd reason, despite being told that we could not make little details, I wanted to make a snail which has those intricate little feelers coming up – which is how you know it is a snail in this context. So I designed a snail with wheels to be my car, and she really laid into me for it. However, I didn't get the chance to go back on it. And she ended up angrily doing the whole thing for me. I don't have my snail car anymore. I wish I knew what happened to it.

One night, not long after this time, just as the fall was beginning to show signs of winter, I was sitting alone on a Friday night thinking over my classmates alone on my mother's bed. I felt giddy and excited, but for what I didn't know. There was just this nervous energy in me that I could not place. I was actually excited to get to school again for one thing. I didn't feel good exactly. Frustrated, but excited. Something in my head was screaming out at me. I was having issues breathing. There was a sense of euphoria in the whole situation. I remember sitting there looking down at a piece of paper, and then it occurred to me, “Am I in love?” I had without consciously grasping onto it, been thinking about Kyle, how he had such a kind and thoughtful face, intelligent eyes. He seemed to laugh carelessly. Sometimes I could hear him in his house practicing the horn, or playing his drum set. I liked the way he walked up the hill too his house. He seemed funny too – when he got to talking. It suddenly dawned on me that I had thought of little else but him for the entire week, but I had not consciously paid much attention to this for some reason. Suddenly, it all made sense and fell on me like a ton of bricks. I was crushing very hard. Everything underneath me seemed to slip away. I felt like I was falling. I didn't know if I should laugh or cry, or what grounds I was to go about the business of living. I honestly wanted to marry him. I had never felt even remotely like this for anyone in my whole life. I didn't even know him, and yet I felt like I did. I just knew that we had made some kind of connection. There had never been a word between us. But I just knew. And somehow I had to make him know as well. Oh, what was I to do?

PART 15 - http://tinyurl.com/yb3lt6k5

PART 14 - http://tinyurl.com/yb4cfedq

PART 13 - http://tinyurl.com/yalanq9s

PART 12 - http://tinyurl.com/yc79mw94

PART 11 - http://tinyurl.com/yc9qhj84

PART 10 - http://tinyurl.com/yb734w24

PART 9 - http://tinyurl.com/yc2t6vfw  

PART 8 - http://tinyurl.com/ybl37utq

PART 7 - http://tinyurl.com/ybvo283g

PART 6 - http://tinyurl.com/kbc9dwu

PART 5 - http://tinyurl.com/msnz4am

PART 4 - http://tinyurl.com/k9x8esg

PART 3 - http://tinyurl.com/mwp9atx

PART 2 - http://tinyurl.com/lbt6xq2

PART 1 - http://tinyurl.com/l8xbvg8

[warren-thomas]

Shit Happens || Closed Para

“Everything has to come to an end, sometime.” - L. Frank Baum, The Marvelous Land of Oz

Thomas wiped the sweat off his brow with the back of his arm. He had spent the past two hours working out with the punching bag hanging from his apartment ceiling. His body was in the best condition it had been in since graduating high school. Actively staying in shape was something he had let slip away in the past year. When he looked in the mirror one night to realize his muscle mass had decreased significantly, he quickly made the decision that it was time to start bulking up again. It had become a mild obsession as of late. It wasn’t hard for him to quickly gain that muscle back and more. His body was feeling great as he dropped his clothes on the floor and walked naked to the bathroom for a hot shower. 

The water hit his face, cascading down his chest, and relieving the soreness of his aching muscles. Mia crossed his mind, as she usually did, when he was in the shower alone. He always secretly longed for her while she was at work. He imagined her naked body pressed against the him as the water washed over them. She was beautiful. A smile curved up his lips as he let his mind wander over all the dirty things he would do to her when she arrived home. As much as he was obsessed with working out, he was equally as captivated with his girlfriend. It was always like he could never get enough of her. He should plan another trip for them to adventure off to again. That was his way of stealing her for himself. He didn’t have to share Mia with the world when they were vacationing together. He was also tempted to see how many countries they could bang in...

His phone buzzed on the marble counter top next to the sink. The noise pulled him from his thoughts. Usually Thomas never cared enough to leave what he was doing to check his phone but, this time, he was hoping it was Mia sending him a text mid work day to check in. He finished washing the soap off him, turned off the shower, and grabbed a fluffy white towel to wrap around his waist. He crossed the bathroom floor to grab his phone. 

Text from Brock Wells: yo man long time since you hung out with the boys. we playing football tonight down at the field like the old days. come join! we have drinks

Not Mia. He was instantly disappointed that he left his shower for this. However, it had been a long time since he had picked up a football. Brock was an old friend who had played on the same high school team as Tom. They used to be unstoppable back in the day. After taking a second to decide if he wanted to drag up the past, he shot a text back. 

Text: alright. be there in 30. 

Football. His old love. If his life had turned out different, he could have been playing in college with a full scholarship right now. Instead he was here. He wasn’t complaining though. Here wasn’t so bad. Tom grabbed a fresh pair of shorts and an old jersey, dropping his towel on the ground with his other discarded clothes. Growing up with a maid, he had never learned to properly clean up after himself. He tied his shoes, scribbled a note for Mia on the whiteboard by the door (”out with friends. text me when you get home.” with a lopsided heart drawing), and left the building. 

Twenty minutes later he was pulling into the field he used to get drunk with his friends and play a game of football. It was strange being back here. His life was so different back then. He could see some of the boys out there already tossing the ball around. Thomas hunched his hands into his pockets and walked over towards them. 

“Hey, Warren actually showed! Who would have guessed,” Brock said with a smile. He was a tall, handsome young man. Last Thomas heard, he had gone off to play at the University of Florida. The other two boys with him, Cody and Kyle, were also former friends of his. Cody had dusty blonde hair and blue eyes that the girls had once fawned over. Now his hair was thinning and receding and he had gained quite a bit of weight. Aging had not done him any favors. Kyle was the shyest of the bunch. Tom had never been very close to him but the kid had a good arm and could throw a ball across a field with ease which Tom always respected. 

“You didn’t think I would show? I had to come remind you losers why I was the best on our team. I wouldn’t want you to get too cocky and forget,” he punched Brock’s arm. He could already feel the remnants of his old personality leaking back into him the longer he stood with these guys. “What do I have to do before I get handed a fucking beer?”

Cody chuckled and jogged over to a cooler on the grass where he pulled out a bottle and tossed it over to Tom. He caught it with ease. “You’re looking good, War. What have you been up to these days?” 

“You should see the chick he’s been fucking! I heard she’s a real freak. Like half the town has probably cum inside her at one point,” Brock replied with a cocky laugh. 

Thomas’ eye twitched and his jaw tightened at the comment, “Don’t say shit like that, man, or I’ll break your fucking nose.” 

Brock faked a shocked look and said in a mocking tone, “Oh no has little Warren gone soft?” 

Tom gripped his beer tighter and brought the bottle to his lips, chugging the entire thing down in a second, “Are we gonna play some football or sit around gossiping like a bunch of pussies all night?” The other boys let out a whoop of excitement and grabbed a ball.

 As the night progressed, their intoxication levels rose and their football skills declined. After about the fifth time Tom completely missed the ball due to his vision doubling, was when he finally gave up and rolled onto the grass with a drunk laugh, “I can’t see shit.” 

Brock sat down next to him, “I clearly remember you bragging earlier about how great you were.”

“That was ten drinks ago. I never made any promises about being wasted.” 

Cody nudged Tom’s side with his foot. He hadn’t stopped chugging beers since he arrived. His fair skin had turned a shade a red and his blue eyes were tired and bloodshot. “Come on. One more play. I don’t want to go home yet. Do you know what I have to go home to? A nagging wife and a new born that never stops crying. Give me one more hour of freedom before I kill myself.”

Thomas and Brock shared a look and burst out laughing. He wasn’t sure what so funny about what Cody had said but laughter had been his first emotional response. “Alright, alright! Jeeze don’t bring down everyone’s buzz, man. One more game. We’ll do Brock and I against you and Kyle.” When he stood up, the ground under him seemed to tilt and he stumbled to the side. 

“You sure you want to play another game? You can’t even stand,” Brock asked him. There was a touch of concern in his voice. 

Tom waved him off. “I’m good. I’m good. Give me a second.” He took a step back and promptly vomited into the grass. A groan of disgust was heard among his friends. He wiped his mouth and chuckled. “Some things never change. Let’s go!” 

He jogged towards the center of the field, away from the puddle of puke, and got in position. Kyle threw the ball into the air. Maybe it was the alcohol, but his aim was way off, and the ball landed right into Tom’s arms. 

“Wrong team, dumbass!” Brock shouted with joy. He ran down the field, looking over his shoulder and waiting for Tom to throw him the ball so they could score. Just as he wound his arm back to release it into the air, a heavy weight came piling into his side as Cody ran full force into him to tackle the ball away. 

When you get taught to play football, they teach you how to properly tackle and how to be tackled. The experience is meant to keep each player as safe as possible without impacting the force needed to take someone down. The person being tackled should attempt to land in a certain way so as not to damage anything and be able to get back up and continue the game. The person doing the tackle should know how to position their body to successfully bring someone to the ground without damage. Neither of the boys demonstrated that technique. 

The force Cody hit him with sent him flying to the side. Even if his reflexes hadn’t been limited by the alcohol, he still wouldn’t have been able to steady himself. Thomas landed on the ground, his left arm snapping under the weight of his body, and his head slammed into the dirt, bouncing back up before hitting the ground again. His vision blacked and his body went limp. 

Cody rolled off him and stood up, waiting for Tom to move. The three boys stood in silence as they stared at their friend as if waiting for him to jump up with a laugh. A slow ten seconds passed before any of them moved. 

“...Warren?” Cody nudged the limp body with his foot. 

“Shit,” Brock and Kyle sprinted over to where he laid. “Shit. Shit, what the fuck did you do, Cody?!” Brock rolled Tom onto his back. A bloody bone was poking out the skin of his arm. They looked at each other with panic before Kyle went into action. He pulled off his shirt and wrapped it in a tight knot around the arm to stop the bleeding. “Brock, get your phone. Call an ambulance. Cody, get me any ice left in the cooler.” Each boy ran off to do what they were told while Kyle checked for a pulse. “He has a pulse but he’s not breathing. I’m going to start CPR.” It took three rescue breaths before Thomas gasped for air. His eyes shot open staring up blankly at the dark sky. Kyle paused and sighed in relief until he noticed Tom’s eyes started rapidly twitching left and right. His muscles started to seize spastically as his eyes rolled back into his skull and his body started to shake. A trickle of blood began to trail out of each nostril. 

Brock appeared next to Kyle with the phone against his ear, “Fuck. Uhm, he looks like he’s having a seizure. Could you hurry the fuck up and get here?” Kyle gently placed his hands on either side of Tom’s head to keep him from banging it anymore. Brock kept talking on the phone to the operator as he paced back and forth when they heard the sound of car tires screeching on pavement. They both looked up. “...Cody?” Instead of going to get ice like Kyle had asked, Cody had apparently ran back to his car. They watched as he drunkenly swerved the car out of the lot and away from the scene. “What the fuck! What the fuck, Cody! That fucking asshole! I’m going to fucking kill hi-” Brock stopped his rant when he noticed Thomas had stopped seizing. “Shit, okay, he’s not...” Remembering he was still on the phone with the operator, “How long until the ambulance is here? I think he stopped seizing...no...no he’s not conscious yet. He hit his head really hard...” 

Thomas groaned. His eyes fluttered opened as he attempted to move. 

“No! No. Stay where you are, Warren. Don’t move,” Kyle placed a hand on Tom’s chest to keep him from moving. “You’re going to be okay. An ambulance is on the way. Just try to relax.” 

Tom glanced at the two faces staring down at him. He didn’t recognize these people. Why was he on the ground? His mouth moved but no words came out, only a slurred jumble of incomprehensible mumbles. He closed his eyes again. He wanted to go back to sleep. He had been sleeping before, right? He had been in his bed. Maybe. He couldn’t remember. His head was throbbing. Suddenly his stomach clenched and bile forms in the back of his throat before he vomited all over himself, not even having the energy to tilt his head to the side. One of the people there did it for him as he coughed up more of his stomach’s contents. 

“He’s puking. There’s blood in it. He tried speaking I think but we couldn’t make out what he was trying to say.” The other person was speaking to someone on a phone. Was he talking about him? Why were these people in his house? Thomas slumped onto his back and closed his eyes once more. Maybe they’d be gone when he woke up again. 

“Stay with me, Warren. You gotta stay awake.” The voice sounded so far away. Like an echo lost in a big empty room. He was floating. Floating in the grass as if it was water. It was almost peaceful, the rocking sensation he was feeling. Sirens in the distance pushed their way into his ears. The closer they got, the more his head started to feel like it was splitting in half. Too loud. They’re too loud. He tried to tell them to be quiet. He thought the words were coming out but he couldn’t hear anything but the piercing sound. Something in his pocket buzzed. 

Mia. Maybe Mia had texted him? Maybe she was finished with work? He had to check to see if she was on her way home. Thomas tried to reach for his pocket with his left arm but it wouldn’t budge from the spot. There was no pain. He was just confused as to why it wouldn’t move when he wanted it to. Those people were still talking to him. He couldn’t hear them. Their voices faded into nothing. He used his other arm to grab the phone from his pocket. He had to see when Mia was coming home. The phone slipped from his hand. He couldn’t grip onto it. He was tired. So tired.

Tom closed his eyes. Mia would be home soon. He’d tell her about the trip he was going to plan for them. She could pick anywhere she wanted to go. He’d follow her anywhere. 

His thoughts disappeared into darkness as his body went limp, unable to fight off the heavy need to sleep.

[hideyoshineki]

AU where Yuri is the older, established skater and Viktor is the younger, hero worshipping skater who wants Yuri to coach him (but with no change in personality or anything). What changes and what stays the same?

I usually shy away from the role reversal AU because it’stricky to keep them entirely in character while changing their originalexperiences that played a big part in shaping who they are. HOWEVER, becauseyou have sent this to me anon, I am going to take on this challenge and try mybest!

This took me a while because I ended up talking about this alot more than I originally planned (close to 2k words whoops) so I’m gonna putmost of it under a read more.

—

Victor, 23 years old, made it to the GPF for the first timeto compete against his childhood skating idol, 27 year old Yuuri Katsuki. Somethingthat remains the same, sorry to say, is that Yuuri’s dog (who is not namedVicchan) still dies. In this AU, Yuuri doesn’t come dead last since in this AUhe has had more years of skating and GPF experience, but his anxiety (and griefat the death of his dog) is still a thing so he does mess up his jumps, so I’mthinking he comes third. Victor doesn’t come last either; I’m thinking 5thor something.

Another thing that stays the same is that they stillproperly met and connected at the banquet. Difference is that they’re BOTHdrunk. Yuuri gets drunk because he really doesn’t want to be there and have totalk to people and on top of his dog dying he’s also upset about the bronzebecause he knows he should have wonbut he didn’t he screwed up what if he can’t win gold anymore maybe it’s onlydownhill from here and he should just retire… so he ends up drinking a lot.Victor gets drunk… because the alcohol was there and he kept drinking it.

We already know that Victor is an affectionate drunk so hegoes up to Yuuri and holds onto him while spilling how much he admires him andgoing on about how he’s been watching his skating for years and hey! You shouldbecome my coach! Yuuri drunkenly challenges him to a dance off saying that ifVictor wins he’ll be his coach. So Yuuri and Victor dancing together and havingthe time of their lives and feeling happier than they’ve been in a long timestill happens in this AU.

Another thing that remains the same: Yuuri doesn’t rememberthe banquet night. Victor does.

(Even though their roles are reversed, I feel it’s a littleout of character for Yuuri to drop everything to spontaneously decide to go toanother country with the intention to show up at another skater’s place tocoach him. Hence why I’m keeping it as Victor remembering while Yuuri doesn’t)

Victor shows up at Hasetsu, announcing to Yuuri “You’regoing to be my coach!” Yuuri’s like “what?” but he agrees because ever sincethe GPF his motivation for skating has dropped and he’s been struggling with adecision on what he should do and not knowing if he should retire, plus notonly does he recognise Victor as the skater who he saw a video of onlineskating Yuuri’s free skate perfectly, but there’s also something about Victorthat draws Yuuri in and makes Yuuri want to coach him.

Yakov is just as done with Victor in this AU and he’s like “Don’tcome crawling back to me!” while Yuri is just as pissed and follows Victor toJapan because oh my god Victor I’m finally going to be competing against youand you said you’d help me create a program for my senior debut but you’reflying off to Japan all because of that skater you’re obsessed with that youdanced with at the banquet which by the way was one of the most humiliatingnights of my life.

Hasetsu’s Hot Springs on Ice happens, Victor v Yuri, eachwith a short program that Yuuri had created. If Yuri wins, Victor will go backto Russia, keep his promise and drop this fantasy of his. If Victor wins, he’llstay in Japan with Yuuri. Yuuri gives Eros to Victor because he had this storyin his head that he himself struggled to play the part of but he is veryinterested in seeing what Victor does with it.

Yuri leaves before the competition is even finished becausehe can see from Victor’s Eros that this guy is firmly determined to stay inHasetsu and he’s not going to let up and besides, Yuuri’s watching him skate sofixatedly that Victor has definitely won. (While Yuuri had figured that Victorwould play the part of the playboy he wasn’t expecting Victor to portray theplayboy as the one who was cast aside in the end.)

Victor and Yuuri training together in Hasetsu and themgetting to know each other still happens. As Yuuri and Victor get closer Victorgrows to understand Yuuri not as the perfect idol skater that Victor had builtup in his head for years but instead as a person,a human being with his own struggles and insecurities. Meanwhile Yuuri noticesthat although Victor was the one who wanted Yuuri to be his coach, Victor tendsto approach his program as a self-imposed challenge that he’s used to goingabout alone, needing to surprise everyone more each time. (He calls Yakov, who’snot too pleased to be receiving this call, but he tells Yuuri about how Victortended to choreograph his programs himself, and also mentions how Victor is oneof the most difficult people to coach because he just does. not. listen.) DespiteVictor usually having created his programs on his own before and Yuuri still beingunsure in making decisions as a coach, the two of them create Victor’s freeprogram together.

Idk if Victor has to compete in something in Russia beforethe GP series starts and I also just realised how many Russian skaters are inthis AU what with Georgi, Yurio AND Victor.

GP series begins. The skating world is wondering why Yuuriis coaching Victor and when he’ll come back and Victor skates his Eros like “Yuurido you realise how much the skating world desires to have you? I’m the one whohas you right now and I will show you what keeping you all to myself has doneto me and how it has made everyone hate me because of it”

This is where I get really stuck in this AU because a lot ofwhat happens in Episodes 7-9 changes, particularly the carpark scene andMakkachin getting sick.

The conflict occurred in the original universe because ofYuuri hitting breaking point from his anxiety running wild at him coming first,getting no sleep, putting pressure on himself that his skating reflects onVictor and Victor handling it very badly. So if something like that were tooccur in this AU, either Yuuri panics over something different and Victorscrews up handling it, or if we flip it around, Yuuri fucks up somehow causing a conflict between him and Victor. Eitherwhat happens is one of those options or the conflict just doesn’t occur (atthis point) in the AU.  

Kiss scene when? Either Victor is still the one to jump atYuuri and kiss him after his free skate in an adrenaline rush, Yuuri in a raremoment of spontaneity leaps at Victor after Victor changed one of the jumps toYuuri’s signature jump, or the kiss is initiated by Yuuri not in a public setting.

Makkachin getting sick changes things because in this AU,Victor as the competitor is unable to fly back to Japan to be with him.

(I considered having here as the point where Yuuri fucks up,like perhaps he keeps that information from Victor until after Victor skates, maybe thinking that telling him beforehandwouldn’t help matters since Victor wouldn’t be able to do anything and it wouldjust worry Victor, but I also feel as if that it out of character for Yuurisince after all he had been in the same situation with his own dog and wouldn’tkeep that sort of important information from Victor, but on the other hand Yuuri couldn’t do anythingwhen he found out about his dog and he messed up his skating because of it sohe thinks that telling Victor would just place him in the same position Yuuriwas in leading to argument because Victor is not Yuuri, but then again would Yuuri actually do that because despite the news abouthis own dog’s death affecting his skating I’m sure he’d would have been upsetif that was kept from him so he knows that he should tell Victor?? Anotheroption is better than this happening.)

Another, more likely, option would be that Victor tellsYuuri to go to Makkachin for him sincehe’s unable to be there and Yuuri is the next closest person to Makkachin. WhileYuuri is gone that’s when Victor’s realises he doesn’t want to be alone hewants Yuuri to stay by his side (and never leave him *insert Stammi Vicino* andactually thinking about this that’s what Victor’s long program that he and Yuuricreated together is in this AU yes yes).  

The conflict in the last episodes happens due to Yuurithinking that once Victor wins gold at the GPF he would feel as if he’s donewhat he wanted, had a season with Yuuri which was new and different enough tostop him from stagnating, so now he won’t need Yuuri as a coach anymore and hecan now go on to do bigger and better things. So Yuuri plans to end beingVictor’s coach so he doesn’t hold Victor back as an inexperienced coach, and he’salso unsure about whether or not he himself will retire for good.

When he tells Victor “Let’s end this” Victor is pretty hurtbecause he thought that Yuuri was as happy being his coach as Victor was butnow not only is Yuuri wanting to end this but he also might not going to returnto the ice either?? Why didn’t he tell him this before?? Victor knows that Yuuri still wants to be onthe ice he could see it in Yuuri’s sparkling eyes as Yuuri watched his friend Phichit’sskating and saw Yuri break his short program record. (Side note: Phichit’s agehas changed to be about 24 in this AU to keep the same age gap between him andYuuri so they still went to college and trained together in Detroit when theywere both younger).

Victor skates his heart out in his Stammi Vicino free skate,wanting to convey everything he’s feeling right now and everything he wants toget across to Yuuri, and he breaks Yuuri’s free skate record.

Yuri skates like “Yuuri you fucking idiot don’t retire Victordidn’t skate all these years to finally get to you and skate on the same ice asyou only for you to retire fuck you I haven’t even gotten the chance to skateagainst you yet you know you want to keep skating and compete against us sincewe’ve both given you the ultimate diss as competitors by breaking your recordsfuck you”

Yuri wins gold while Victor wins silver. Both of them madeYuuri realise that yes, he really does want to keep skating, and Victor’s freeskate showed him that Victor really wantsYuuri to stay with him as his coach and that he wants Yuuri not as a “new, changeof pace” sort of thing but because he wants to be with Yuuri for Yuuri. Yuuri remains Victor’s coachwhile also making a return to the ice.

Same: They move to Russia and train there and remaintogether.

—

Ok I tried, if you have different thoughts about any of thisor if I said anything you seriously disagree with feel free to tell me becauseI’m interested!

Thanks for sending me this, anon! It was out of the blue andI liked it! (Feel free to send me out of the blue messages whenever!)